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Original poster

Booked to visit friends, now asked to book an airbnb

195 replies

nellienellie · 10/02/2022 08:53

Just the title really. These are old old friends of dh.

They live in Madrid. Dh and I are on a bit of a budget this year. When he was passing through Madrid on a work trip, he met up with them. And they said "please please, come and stay with us". So DH and I thought, well if the accommodation is covered then we could go out and have a break. Obviously we would have taken them to dinner as thanks.

Dh organised it, and it was clear that we'd be staying with them. They warned that it is a sofa bed (for 3 nights that's not an issue).

We booked our flights and train travel. Then they text dh saying they'd been having a think, and it might be quite squished, so maybe we could look into getting an airbnb?

They didn't say that we couldn't stay with them full stop. But now if we reply asking to stay with them, we will feel like an imposition.

Why agree to host someone if you don't actually mean it? Especially after we booked travel. For what it's worth, they are due to come over here shortly and we were going to offer our spare bedroom.

DH really isn't keen to ask 'oh is it ok if we stay with you actually, we are looking to save money' as he is embarrassed about admitting that we aren't flush. He was at university with them, and they have since done a lot better financially than we have (career break due to kids).

OP posts:
rookiemere · 10/02/2022 20:20

@EileenGC I genuinely mean it when I say people should come and stay and I'm British. I wonder how I'd convey that to folk. Wouldn't want people dropping in unexpectedly for tea.

OP are you planning to come back at any stage ?

giveyou2reasons · 10/02/2022 20:26

If they're openly expecting to stay in your guest room, I don't think there's a problem with saying you'd rather stay on the sofa bed, if you still want to go. I'd rather cancel, if I could get my money back, but I'd resent them for messing up my trip and not really want them visiting and staying with me for free, afterwards!

Gwenhwyfar · 10/02/2022 20:28

"Gently putting someone off would be saying something like "it'd be lovely to see you, here's a few hotels nearby that we like", not saying "yes you can stay but it's a sofa bed" in the hope they realise that what you actually mean is "you can't stay with us, please get a hotel"."

Yes! I have a sofa bed BECAUSE I want people to stay. Why would I have it otherwise?
I agree with those saying to find cheap accommodation and not see these people.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Holidays
giveyou2reasons · 10/02/2022 20:30

Well, reading the OP again, it seems that maybe they aren't counting on staying in OP's spare room. The offer hasn't been extended, yet? In that case, no, I wouldn't ask. I'd cancel if I could, make the best of things if I couldn't, and then definitely not invite them to stay in my home. Meet them for a meal or something, yes, but not host them overnight.

Vloggamammy · 10/02/2022 20:31

I would just organize my own accommodation if I were you. It might be putting stress on their relationship with one person dreading it for example. I've put friends and relatives up and believe me it is quite stressful and you feel like your house is not yours. Maybe they offered you to stay before out of politeness, some people do this hoping the offer will never be taken up. Do a hotels comparison search and try to get the best deal. If they have basically uninvited you staying with them I would take the hint - definitely wouldn't want to be under someones compliment if they are uninviting me.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/02/2022 20:32

"I expect they just said ,come and stay with us ,to be polite ,and never really expected you to take them up on it ."

No because it went further than this (and yes people do make this throwaway comments all the time).
They confirmed they could stay on the sofa bed and OP booked a holiday based on this. It's really shitty to backtrack now. Horrible, two-faced people.

LadyPropane · 10/02/2022 20:34

Have you actually looked for accommodation? You might find something in budget. You don't know unless you try. This would be the best option as you still get your break, and you can decide whether or not you still want to meet up with your friends whilst there.

However, in the event that you can't find anything cheap enough, I would probably cancel. It is really shitty to do this to someone once their travel has already been booked and paid for.

Viviennemary · 10/02/2022 20:39

Its really cheeky and a bit mean of them backing out at the last minute. I would either cancel or find a cheap place to stay. And I certainly wouldn't have them to stay in my house. Cfs.

Thatbliddywoman · 10/02/2022 20:39

It sounds like op's DHdidn't misjudge it if the conversation went so far as to arrange dates etc. Surely the couple would have said 'no actually we can't do it this year now its been thought about', or similar, BEFORE op booked flights etc. It has obviously been discussed. They're rude to pull out of their offer now!
It is possible they're embarrassed about their living space or genuinely think you'd prefer to be in a B&B/hotel, especially if they don't know your financial situation.
I've often invited friends to stay over. I have a lodger and no other sleeping space but I have a huge sofa (not even a sofa bed!) And I always stipulate that people are welcome to stay on it, or if they'd prefer there's hotels (& recommend them). It never means I'd rather they didn't stay. It genuinely means if they're happy to stya here they're welcome to, but if not I'll happily tell them about other options. It is possible that they're genuine.
If not though, it's very rude to take back their offer.

olympicsrock · 10/02/2022 21:08

Suspect they meant come and stay 1/2 nights but I’ve bailed at the idea of guests in the living room for 3 nights. Think you misjudged it….

Flatandhappy · 10/02/2022 21:47

I would imagine that after a very convivial night out with your DH and probably a few or more glasses of vino the “please, please come stay” invite was issued. When contacted they didn’t have the guts to say no outright as they should have so resorted to the “only a sofa bed” hoping you would get the hint. They have now thought of the reality of two more adults in their space (and it is not clear if they know you) and have decided they don’t want to do it. Poor behaviour on their part but you really can’t stay there now (and tbh they will probably now be unavailable if you did want to meet up as they would be embarrassed). Make your own arrangements if you possibly can - my guess is you will never hear from these people again.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 10/02/2022 21:49

@nellienellie are you coming back to the thread you started?

Notjustabrunette · 10/02/2022 21:50

We were supposed to have some family come and stay with us, I unfortunately had a miscarriage and didn’t really want to explain the situation so we put them off for a bit. You don’t know the reasons why someone might not want to stay in their house, they just might not be able to explain it to you. It might seem a bit wired or rude on the face of it, but I would give the benefit of the doubt and not let it get in the way of your friendship.
I would also have a quick look at air B and B, there can be some real bargains out there.

NannyKrampus · 10/02/2022 21:51

OP, I think you were a little cheeky to invite yourself along to this trip. They invited their friend.

DreamTheMoors · 10/02/2022 22:25

@nellienellie

Cancel, find cheap accommodation nearby — do what your hearts tell you to do.

FWIW, there is no shame in being less flush than someone else.

Somethingsnappy · 10/02/2022 22:47

[quote RussiasGreatestLoveMachine]@nellienellie are you coming back to the thread you started?[/quote]
Ah yes. I see its been 7 pages since the thread was started first thing this morning, and OP has disappeared...

saraclara · 10/02/2022 22:57

@NannyKrampus

OP, I think you were a little cheeky to invite yourself along to this trip. They invited their friend.
Their friend is married. Do you really think they expected him to leave OP behind?
loosestrife · 10/02/2022 23:00

Here's a similar situation from the other side, only New York not Madrid.

(If you've heard of "Ask vs Guess," this is where it came from.)
ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-between-FU-and-Welcome

NannyKrampus · 10/02/2022 23:02

@saraclara If I invite a girlfriend from uni, I do not automatically expect the partner to tag along.

Mellowyellow222 · 10/02/2022 23:05

Did they actually invite you both for a holiday - or did they day to your husband he could stay a night next time he is spading through?

I other way; the invitation has been rescinded - so asking to stay would make for a really awkward visit.

I would never stay with people Unless I knew them really really well.

You don’t seem to know them that well at all - so staying several nights was probably more than they expected. But they shouldn’t have said anything at all/

Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 23:09

@Notjustabrunette

We were supposed to have some family come and stay with us, I unfortunately had a miscarriage and didn’t really want to explain the situation so we put them off for a bit. You don’t know the reasons why someone might not want to stay in their house, they just might not be able to explain it to you. It might seem a bit wired or rude on the face of it, but I would give the benefit of the doubt and not let it get in the way of your friendship. I would also have a quick look at air B and B, there can be some real bargains out there.
I am sorry about your miscarriage. But of course they are being rude when flights have been booked. Many people would not be able to afford an air bnb so would lose the flight money.
Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 23:12

I have people to stay I don't know well, and have stayed with people I don't know well.
Anyone who invited me and then cancelled after I had booked flights, is someone I would have nothing to do with ever again.
I like having people to stay. Some people hate it. So if you hate it, don't invite people to stay. Nobody expects you to invite them to stay with you. It is not like the - oh we must get a coffee sometimes.

Dontlooksup · 10/02/2022 23:30

I would be very annoyed. You only booked to go to stay with them. You would have booked somewhere else or nowhere at all if they had not invited you.

I would not reply. I would feel like they had made a complete fool out of me. They have invited you and then uninvited you after you have arranged and paid for transport. I would feel like they were acting like we had tried to force ourselves into their home to use them for a few holiday. I would try to cancel. If you would lose your money I would try to postpone until a later date when I could afford accommodation. If you can't postpone I would think about how much money I had already spent versus how much I would have to spend to go and make a decision about whether or not I went based on that.

Dontlooksup · 10/02/2022 23:39

But I wouldn't contact them about meeting up as I would be embarrassed in their company.

mandajmo · 11/02/2022 00:00

Cancel staying with them and find a budget hotel or B & B. There's loads of cheap and cheerful accommodation, and you'll get to sleep in a proper bed x

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