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Original poster

Booked to visit friends, now asked to book an airbnb

195 replies

nellienellie · 10/02/2022 08:53

Just the title really. These are old old friends of dh.

They live in Madrid. Dh and I are on a bit of a budget this year. When he was passing through Madrid on a work trip, he met up with them. And they said "please please, come and stay with us". So DH and I thought, well if the accommodation is covered then we could go out and have a break. Obviously we would have taken them to dinner as thanks.

Dh organised it, and it was clear that we'd be staying with them. They warned that it is a sofa bed (for 3 nights that's not an issue).

We booked our flights and train travel. Then they text dh saying they'd been having a think, and it might be quite squished, so maybe we could look into getting an airbnb?

They didn't say that we couldn't stay with them full stop. But now if we reply asking to stay with them, we will feel like an imposition.

Why agree to host someone if you don't actually mean it? Especially after we booked travel. For what it's worth, they are due to come over here shortly and we were going to offer our spare bedroom.

DH really isn't keen to ask 'oh is it ok if we stay with you actually, we are looking to save money' as he is embarrassed about admitting that we aren't flush. He was at university with them, and they have since done a lot better financially than we have (career break due to kids).

OP posts:
saraclara · 10/02/2022 15:40

I'm going to guess that a budget flight isn't going to be cancellable. So yes, I'd look for hostals, or even hostels (most have private rooms as well as dorms - I stay in hostels and I'm properly old!)

But yes, you don't owe them the bulk of your time now. Have your own break and just pay them one visit.

violetmonster · 10/02/2022 15:41

Pretty bad form on their part, IMO if you've offered (even disingenuously, which is weird behaviour) you just suck it up and host!

Ursusmajor · 10/02/2022 15:43

Something may also have changed in their circumstances that now make you staying less of a comfortable option - like the wife is pregnant and struggling with morning sickness, but they don’t want to announce it yet.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Holidays
THisbackwithavengeance · 10/02/2022 15:47

I'm sure there are budget hotels in Madrid - Spanish equivalent of Travelodge - that won't break the bank. Or even a youth hostel if you're really hard up.

Seems a shame to cancel flight tickets; you would be unlikely to get your money back if you've just changed your mind.

It's poor form though on their part. I'd be pissed off in your situation.

Or

EileenGC · 10/02/2022 15:53

DH really isn't keen to ask 'oh is it ok if we stay with you actually, we are looking to save money' as he is embarrassed about admitting that we aren't flush.

That is exactly what I would say. Don’t make up excuses - just say you can’t afford to pay for accommodation which is why you accepted their offer and booked the trip in the first place.

Madrid is not cheap. I’m going there for work soon and paying over €65 per night and that’s in a basic hotel, no breakfast and pretty rundown area that I know how to navigate because I’m Spanish and familiar with the city. Wouldn’t recommend it to tourists unless they’re comfortable in any kind of neighbourhood.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 10/02/2022 15:56

The OP says they said 'please please, come and stay with us.'

But they obviously didn’t mean it, since they’re now outright saying, don’t come and stay with us.

WayneBruce · 10/02/2022 15:58

Id make the most of it and book something cheap and as pp said, you're now not beholden. The cost of the mael out yiu were going to pay for to thank them could easily cover half. (And they may have gone bonkers on the vino so could have ended up £££).

YetAnotherUsernameToday · 10/02/2022 15:59

We stayed budget in Madrid, it's brilliant! I'd tell them we couldn't come any more and then plan your own weekend away there. Or just meet them one evening for dinner and do you own thing!

Shmithecat2 · 10/02/2022 15:59

@tara66

I would also tell them you cannot find a nearby B+B ''within our price range'' AND you can't get refund for the flight - that should be a big hint for them to say '' come and stay'' - anyone can cope with guest for 3 days!
Why would you want to make someone feel obliged to host you when it's quite clear they don't want to?
rookiemere · 10/02/2022 15:59

Madrid is lovely, there's loads to see. I had a great weekend break there a few years ago.

Cabriolelegs99 · 10/02/2022 16:10

I agree with Hoppinggreen they offered having got carried away with a wave of enthusiasm without thinking it through. Or one of them is deep in a work project. Or pregnant. Or are going through stress or depression. You have no idea what is happening in their lives and I think it would be the height of bad manners to insist that you stay now. We have in the past had to put a visitor in a local hotel when they were going to stay and I wasn't well and couldn't face being host. The difference being we did feed them three meals a day and we paid for their accommodation.

Btw Madrid is an absolutely amazing city to visit on another occasion. I prefer it to Barcelona now. There is so much to see and explore.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 10/02/2022 16:11

@tara66

I would also tell them you cannot find a nearby B+B ''within our price range'' AND you can't get refund for the flight - that should be a big hint for them to say '' come and stay'' - anyone can cope with guest for 3 days!
But they don’t need to be ‘hinted’ into inviting them to stay. They’d already invited them to stay.

They’re now outright saying - don’t come and stay.

Why would anyone want to stay in the house of people who do not want them there?

Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2022 16:13

@BorderlineHappy

Hoppinggreen They offered their sofa. There was no miscommunication. They havee moved the goalposts
I completely agree There was no miscommunication as far as OP was concerned and these so called friends have behaved badly - I am putting no blame on them for this I am simply saying from experience that some people do say things they don’t really mean or think they have said 1 thing but the other party takes it as something else. As I said my DH is a master at this
starfishmummy · 10/02/2022 16:13

There's a world of difference between saying come and stay to an old friend passing through on a business trip and a couple who have decided to have a holiday!!

Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2022 16:14

Putting no blame on OP I mean, I totally blame Madrid couple

rookiemere · 10/02/2022 16:15

@starfishmummy OP makes it clear in first post that this was discussed and agreed with the couple before they booked their transport.

Spacecadetagain · 10/02/2022 16:16

I would reply “oh that’s a shame , we were looking forward to staying with you but no problem we will look at accommodation costs and see if it’s within our budget , if not we will re shedule for another time . Would be lovely to catch up if we do come over - oh btw , you know our spare room ? Well we’ve just converted it into a home gym- no room for overnight guests now 😂”

affairsofdragons · 10/02/2022 16:16

"Hi, we were really looking forward to seeing you and catching up, and were only able to book the trip knowing we had someplace to stay. We can't afford the trip, frankly, if we also have to pay for accommodation. So we will cancel and hopefully see you sometime in the future."

saraclara · 10/02/2022 16:16

It's unfortunate that your DH is concerned about sharing your financial situation.

I'd be tempted to say that you have a specific budget for this trip, which an airbnb would bust (they're really not that cheap for a short stay when you add the cleaning and admin costs) so do they know of any local hostals that you could book for a little local colour, and to fit the budget.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 10/02/2022 16:18

Madrid is a big city, so they might not be where you need to be, but you can get an Airbnb (room, not apartment) for between £25 and £40 a night…3 nights might even be cheaper than buying them dinner ;)

Shmithecat2 · 10/02/2022 16:18

I feel that the offer of the sofa-bed was just a courtesy, in the hope/expectation you'd say no. Essentially camping out in someone's sitting room is not a break or holiday. I couldn't think of anything worse.

Cabriolelegs99 · 10/02/2022 16:21

They offered their sofa.
There was no miscommunication.
They havee moved the goalposts

Inconvenient though it is, if they are hosting , then it is their prerogative to move the goal posts. Maybe they don't want people sleeping on their sofa during a global pandemic?

I'm sorry but I'm not sure it's sensible to attempt a trip abroad if you can't afford 3x 65 Euros or £164 (equiv cost of accommodation) to bail yourself out of some emergency or another.

BorderlineHappy · 10/02/2022 16:24

I feel that the offer of the sofa-bed was just a courtesy, in the hope/expectation you'd say no. Essentially camping out in someone's sitting room is not a break or holiday. I couldn't think of anything worse.

@Shmithecat2 well there's a simple remedy for that.
Don't offer if you don't mean it.
@nellienellie I hope you get sorted and don't let them stay with you.
After you've just realized you don't have the room.

dreamingbohemian · 10/02/2022 16:25

Did they know you were coming for 3 nights?

They might have been okay with you staying for a quick city break weekend (Friday night to Sunday morning) but not 4 days, that does start to get a bit long for some people

Stroopwaffle5000 · 10/02/2022 16:25

@WildfirePonie

Cancel or book somewhere cheap and don't bother visiting them!

And don't offer your spare room.

This is what I would do too.
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