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Original poster

Booked to visit friends, now asked to book an airbnb

195 replies

nellienellie · 10/02/2022 08:53

Just the title really. These are old old friends of dh.

They live in Madrid. Dh and I are on a bit of a budget this year. When he was passing through Madrid on a work trip, he met up with them. And they said "please please, come and stay with us". So DH and I thought, well if the accommodation is covered then we could go out and have a break. Obviously we would have taken them to dinner as thanks.

Dh organised it, and it was clear that we'd be staying with them. They warned that it is a sofa bed (for 3 nights that's not an issue).

We booked our flights and train travel. Then they text dh saying they'd been having a think, and it might be quite squished, so maybe we could look into getting an airbnb?

They didn't say that we couldn't stay with them full stop. But now if we reply asking to stay with them, we will feel like an imposition.

Why agree to host someone if you don't actually mean it? Especially after we booked travel. For what it's worth, they are due to come over here shortly and we were going to offer our spare bedroom.

DH really isn't keen to ask 'oh is it ok if we stay with you actually, we are looking to save money' as he is embarrassed about admitting that we aren't flush. He was at university with them, and they have since done a lot better financially than we have (career break due to kids).

OP posts:
Pigsears · 10/02/2022 16:27

Weigh up cost of cancelling vs cost of cheaper accommodation and eating etc- and go for the one which is better for you

Maybe catch up with your friends for one of the evenings.

Sounds like they need space. You shouldn't ask them now to still stay (even if you are skint)- as they have made their decision.

They have a right to change their minds. If its not like them to do this, then there must be 'stuff' going on.

Theunamedcat · 10/02/2022 16:27

Can you change the flights to another time

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Holidays
notacooldad · 10/02/2022 16:34

IntermittentParps
The OP says they said 'please please, come and stay with us
I know, but that doesn't mean they expected them too!
Since the offer though anything could have happened for example they might be going through some stress or their marriage may be strained.
Whatever has changed I wouldn't be trying to make them change their mind. I'd be going budget if flights are non refundable and making the most on the cheap!

girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 16:35

I'd assume they were only asking your DH to stay.

You mention a child-related career break. Would they be going too?

Summersnake · 10/02/2022 16:35

I expect they just said ,come and stay with us ,to be polite ,and never really expected you to take them up on it .
If you explain you are skint ,they may offer you to stay when they don’t really want you there and it would be awkward .
I’d cancel if I could
But I’d definitely not let them stay with you ,when they come over

Nomoreusernames1244 · 10/02/2022 16:42

Then they text dh saying they'd been having a think, and it might be quite squished, so maybe we could look into getting an airbnb?

Are you sure it wasn’t more that perhaps you might be more comfortable in an airbnb?

If they don’t realise you are restricted financially, they may be embarrassed about the size of their apartment and thinking it might be uncomfortable, one loo, little privacy etc. So suggested an airbnb.

tara66 · 10/02/2022 16:42

@Smithcat and RussiaGreatest - the people in Madrid begged OP's DH - ''please, please come and stay with us''!! and OP says ''it was clear we would be staying with them'' so based on that and that they have already paid their train and plane tickets why should the ''friends'' in Madrid not be aware of the disappointment they have caused? One would not even want to stay with them now anyway presumably but they need to squirm a little and not go around telling folks to ''please, please stay with us!'' when they don't mean it. Or do you think this behaviour is fine? People should say what they mean and mean what they say - especially here where other people's loss of money and disappointment is involved.

Washermother33 · 10/02/2022 16:45

They didn’t expect you to take them up on the offer of staying they were just being polite- don’t ask them . Look at cheap clean B&B or Airbnb and weigh up whether you can afford to go or not or whether you’ll need to cancel the travel .

Nomoreusernames1244 · 10/02/2022 16:47

You mention a child-related career break. Would they be going too?

Going where? Confused

A child related career break is just that- a break from a career path, either by not working completely or going PT, or taking a less responsible position in order to care for young children as well. Once children are at school or more self sufficient the career can be resumed.

So in this case O/p and her dh are not as high up in their careers as the madrid couple as they didn’t take time away to raise children.

No one’s going anywhere.

girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 16:49

@Nomoreusernames1244

You mention a child-related career break. Would they be going too?

Going where? Confused

A child related career break is just that- a break from a career path, either by not working completely or going PT, or taking a less responsible position in order to care for young children as well. Once children are at school or more self sufficient the career can be resumed.

So in this case O/p and her dh are not as high up in their careers as the madrid couple as they didn’t take time away to raise children.

No one’s going anywhere.

Erm going on holiday? How is that not obvious...

If the friends intended only DH to visit, then he's turning up with his wife and kids, you'd understand them being a bit unhappy

Nomoreusernames1244 · 10/02/2022 16:58

*Erm going on holiday? How is that not obvious...

If the friends intended only DH to visit, then he's turning up with his wife and kids, you'd understand them being a bit unhappy*

Because o/p says they aren’t as far along in their careers due to a career break.

Because you don’t take a career break to go on holiday. You take annual leave.

How is that not obvious?

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 10/02/2022 16:59

I’d get them being a bit put out if it was the whole family or similar but it doesn’t sound like that at all to me. Just OP and her DH.

But surely the time to say no was when the dh was organising everything.

SonicStars · 10/02/2022 17:00

I would book somewhere to stay in Turin.

Make it clear you were coming to Milan to see them, not to see Milan. If you're not going to see them better spend the money on somewhere you fancy staying. You can meet up for a meal either before you get the train out, or on your way back after your nice break visiting museums.

It's people like this who cause my serious offers to people to be ignored out of politeness. Pooheads. Just tell people the truth.

Londonlassy · 10/02/2022 17:02

You really don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives. There may be a multiple stressors for the Madrid couple that have occurred since the original conversation about staying over. People’s circumstances change you need to get an Airbnb or cancel

IntermittentParps · 10/02/2022 17:03

@notacooldad

IntermittentParps The OP says they said 'please please, come and stay with us I know, but that doesn't mean they expected them too! Since the offer though anything could have happened for example they might be going through some stress or their marriage may be strained. Whatever has changed I wouldn't be trying to make them change their mind. I'd be going budget if flights are non refundable and making the most on the cheap!
That's my point though: 'please please, come and stay with us' is not the same as a vague sort of 'Oh, come over some time' exchange. They sounded (initially) really keen on the OP and DH coming over.

I don't disagree that something could have happened to make them change their minds. I do think, as I said earlier, the OP speaking to them and asking if they're OK would be a good idea, for the friendship and because it might bring to light things that the Madrid couple might be worried or embarrassed about but that wouldn't put off the OP (like the flat being small etc), which a conversation could sort out.

girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 17:04

@Nomoreusernames1244 the career break means she's got children. I'm asking if the children would be going on holiday...

OnlyAFleshWound · 10/02/2022 17:09

[quote girlmom21]@Nomoreusernames1244 the career break means she's got children. I'm asking if the children would be going on holiday... [/quote]
Yes, I thought that was very clear from your posts!

I think they obviously just said it to be polite and weren't expecting you to take them up on it. I also think if you can afford the costs of travelling to Madrid for 3 nights, you can afford 3 nights cheap b&b accommodation. I've been there. It's a great city. We stayed very centrally for very little money.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 10/02/2022 17:10

[quote girlmom21]@Nomoreusernames1244 the career break means she's got children. I'm asking if the children would be going on holiday... [/quote]
For what it's worth, I thought this was obvious and knew what you meant Grin

I prefer Madrid to Seville.

If you can't cancel the flights, I'd try to find a cheap alternative to stay that will still be nice.

Laiste · 10/02/2022 17:12

Coming soon on Madrid MN:

''AIBU - to be angry with DH for inviting old uni friends to come and stay at ours for a break when we've little room and i'm so stressed with xyz at the moment. He's refused to retract the invite because they've booked flights, the most he'll do is say there's no real room for them and hope they change their minds .... which of us is BU?''

FrequentFlyer96 · 10/02/2022 17:16

When they made the offer to go and stay with them, did they expect you to go too? Maybe they thought it would be ok for one person but not enough room for two?

Sparkletastic · 10/02/2022 17:16

Do you think they were perhaps just extending the invitation to DH and not you?

Sparkletastic · 10/02/2022 17:16

Snap with FrequentFlyer!

Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 17:20

No they don't have the right to change their minds. Incredibly selfish. I would no longer be friends with them.

PinkSyCo · 10/02/2022 17:20

God I hate people like this with their fake generosity. Just don’t fucking invite people if you don’t mean it! I would cancel OP, or if you can’t I suppose you will just have to scrape some more money together somehow, but while in Madrid I would definitely not waste any of my time visiting these disingenuous people who put you in this shit predicament if I were you.

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