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Original poster

Booked to visit friends, now asked to book an airbnb

195 replies

nellienellie · 10/02/2022 08:53

Just the title really. These are old old friends of dh.

They live in Madrid. Dh and I are on a bit of a budget this year. When he was passing through Madrid on a work trip, he met up with them. And they said "please please, come and stay with us". So DH and I thought, well if the accommodation is covered then we could go out and have a break. Obviously we would have taken them to dinner as thanks.

Dh organised it, and it was clear that we'd be staying with them. They warned that it is a sofa bed (for 3 nights that's not an issue).

We booked our flights and train travel. Then they text dh saying they'd been having a think, and it might be quite squished, so maybe we could look into getting an airbnb?

They didn't say that we couldn't stay with them full stop. But now if we reply asking to stay with them, we will feel like an imposition.

Why agree to host someone if you don't actually mean it? Especially after we booked travel. For what it's worth, they are due to come over here shortly and we were going to offer our spare bedroom.

DH really isn't keen to ask 'oh is it ok if we stay with you actually, we are looking to save money' as he is embarrassed about admitting that we aren't flush. He was at university with them, and they have since done a lot better financially than we have (career break due to kids).

OP posts:
DottyHarmer · 10/02/2022 17:20

Whatever the crossed wires, the invitation is definitely off. There is no way the OP can turn up now without there being some serious awkwardness. Also think it might be the case that the invitation was just for the Dh, since he had been there on a work trip. They probably meant that if he was there for work again, he should stay over with them. Turning it into a holiday with his dw is possibly not what they intended at all.

Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 17:21

@Laiste

Coming soon on Madrid MN:

''AIBU - to be angry with DH for inviting old uni friends to come and stay at ours for a break when we've little room and i'm so stressed with xyz at the moment. He's refused to retract the invite because they've booked flights, the most he'll do is say there's no real room for them and hope they change their minds .... which of us is BU?''

Suck it up. And a sofa bed is fine. I have stayed with DP in cramped places and put people up.
Minesababycham · 10/02/2022 17:21

Did you confirm 3 nights and that it would both you and DH with them before booking your travel?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Holidays
Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 17:21

@PinkSyCo

God I hate people like this with their fake generosity. Just don’t fucking invite people if you don’t mean it! I would cancel OP, or if you can’t I suppose you will just have to scrape some more money together somehow, but while in Madrid I would definitely not waste any of my time visiting these disingenuous people who put you in this shit predicament if I were you.
I agree. People like this are the pits.
rookiemere · 10/02/2022 17:23

@nellienellie any updates for the thread?

Embracelife · 10/02/2022 17:24

Just ho to a cheap hotel andd haVe a lovely time and dont bother sering them

DottyHarmer · 10/02/2022 17:25

@Monopolyiscrap - would you still turn up and stay with people who had disinvited you?! It’s not about the size of the sofa bed, it’s the cringe factor of insisting on staying with people who clearly don’t want you there. To save a buck or two the shame is not worth it.

HaveringWavering · 10/02/2022 17:26

@girlmom21 of course it was clear that you were asking whether OP was taking the child or children on the weekend away!

So OP, are you?

Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 17:26

@DottyHarmer I don't know what I would do. But I would never forgive them.

girlmom21 · 10/02/2022 17:28

Thank you @HaveringWavering, @JuergenSchwarzwald and @OnlyAFleshWound - I thought I was going mad Grin

blyn72 · 10/02/2022 17:33

Just cancel.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 10/02/2022 17:34

[quote tara66]@Smithcat and RussiaGreatest - the people in Madrid begged OP's DH - ''please, please come and stay with us''!! and OP says ''it was clear we would be staying with them'' so based on that and that they have already paid their train and plane tickets why should the ''friends'' in Madrid not be aware of the disappointment they have caused? One would not even want to stay with them now anyway presumably but they need to squirm a little and not go around telling folks to ''please, please stay with us!'' when they don't mean it. Or do you think this behaviour is fine? People should say what they mean and mean what they say - especially here where other people's loss of money and disappointment is involved.[/quote]
No, their behaviour is not fine. I have never said it was.

I said - you cannot ‘hint’ someone into putting you up for three nights. The ‘hosts’ (using the word extremely loosely) don’t want to do it anymore, so the OP either needs to make alternative arrangements or cancel. It really sucks, but hinting into still staying with them is not an option.

Cabriolelegs99 · 10/02/2022 17:39

[quote DottyHarmer]@Monopolyiscrap - would you still turn up and stay with people who had disinvited you?! It’s not about the size of the sofa bed, it’s the cringe factor of insisting on staying with people who clearly don’t want you there. To save a buck or two the shame is not worth it.[/quote]
^^ Absolutely this!

And of course it's a whole different scenario if the DC are coming along too!

I don't quite understand why this wasn't all thrashed out earlier though. Presumably there must have been an interim conversation between "please, please come and stay" and "can we suggest an air b&b" in which dates and accommodation and number of guests were discussed? I can't help thinking we are missing some key information here!

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 10/02/2022 17:43

I don't quite understand why this wasn't all thrashed out earlier though. Presumably there must have been an interim conversation between "please, please come and stay" and "can we suggest an air b&b" in which dates and accommodation and number of guests were discussed? I can't help thinking we are missing some key information here!

Agree, and the OP’s lack of engagement in the thread makes me think this more.

It’s probably gone from a vociferous invitation to the DH - to the DH accepting with wife and kid/s in tow.

Happy to be proved wrong, of course. OP?

PatchworkElmer · 10/02/2022 17:45

Get a refund on the plane tickets if you can. I’d feel awkward about even meeting up with them I think.

DottyHarmer · 10/02/2022 17:47

The OP needs to come back! There is indeed a gulf between offering an old university mate a bed for the night and hosting him, his dw and kids for a mini break….

Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2022 17:51

@SonicStars

I would book somewhere to stay in Turin.

Make it clear you were coming to Milan to see them, not to see Milan. If you're not going to see them better spend the money on somewhere you fancy staying. You can meet up for a meal either before you get the train out, or on your way back after your nice break visiting museums.

It's people like this who cause my serious offers to people to be ignored out of politeness. Pooheads. Just tell people the truth.

Absolutely do this That will confuse them
OnlyAFleshWound · 10/02/2022 17:52

@HoppingGreen
Absolutely do this That will confuse them

It certainly will. They live in Madrid...

Retisestress · 10/02/2022 17:54

TBH possibly the hosts just realised that it would be a better trip for you staying somewhere seperate…nothing worse than having people on top of each other !! My friend ,just before pandemic kicked off had booked to come here from NZ and the more I thought about it the more I realised it would be too stressful with 6 adults plus baby here.
I organised and paid for air bnb close by so my friend could have some privacy and the two of us had a bolt hole to spend quality time together…unfortunately the pandemic ruined our plans .
Certainly wasn’t any animosity about my change of plan but i was going to fund it.

mrsbyers · 10/02/2022 17:57

They said to your DH please
Come and stay with me , they may not have meant and your wife for a holiday

Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2022 17:57

[quote OnlyAFleshWound]@HoppingGreen
Absolutely do this That will confuse them

It certainly will. They live in Madrid...[/quote]
Exactly

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 10/02/2022 17:58

please please, come and stay with us' is not the same as a vague sort of 'Oh, come over some time' exchange. They sounded (initially) really keen on the OP and DH coming over.

Is your DH likely to have misunderstood a lukewarm offer for the sake of politeness for a genuine offer to stay?

How much discussion went on with them about your plans before you booked flights? If they were in the know, they're being rude now. But if not..

Also, are the kids coming? Again, it's rude to pull out after making you the offer. But even so, two adults and their kids all on a sofa bed at someone's house for 3 nights is a full on thing.

Opus17 · 10/02/2022 17:59

They've said you must come stay. They've said it's a sofa bed, hope that's ok. Now they're saying you can't stay.
What arseholes. I'd cancel and reduce contact with people like that.

OnlyAFleshWound · 10/02/2022 18:02

@Hoppinggreen I assumed that was what you meant Grin

Nightlystroll · 10/02/2022 18:03

I taught English as a Foreign Lsnguage and I used to tell my students that many British people will often say come and stay with us but it's just being polite and they don't really mean it. I know MN will disagree with me but I think it's common behaviour.

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