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Original poster

my husband is carrying on with another woman.. 20 weeks

262 replies

brokenmumtobe · 08/02/2022 15:17

20 weeks pregnant and my husband wants a relationship with another woman.
I found out recently he had cheated on me, and he admitted it and said he was desperate to try again - it lasted a week until he told me he had feelings for his 22 year old work friend who he has known 3 months.

I asked him to leave our home and he wont unless I pay his rent.

As I wouldnt do that, he wants to play pretend happy families so no one finds out what he's done - and see the other woman.

He strikes me as a man that is so scared he doesnt know what he wants and I have no idea where to turn or what to do.

OP posts:
SuckIt · 08/02/2022 15:19

You get your ducks in a row and prepare to be a single mum. As soon as this dickbag can afford it he moves out. It’s over.
Do you own a house together or rent? Do you have an income?

Dillydollydingdong · 08/02/2022 15:21

I'd be saying "Get out, or I'll make all this public online.". He's living in cloud cuckoo land.

AlbertBridge · 08/02/2022 15:21

Is this your first child?

Interested in this thread?

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2nd trimester General pregnancy Relationship problems
Original poster
brokenmumtobe · 08/02/2022 15:22

First child IVF.
Own the home and I earn 3x more than him.

OP posts:
SartresSoul · 08/02/2022 15:25

You earn enough to sort this issue (him) out then. Get a decent solicitor and kick him to the curb.

Lndnmummy · 08/02/2022 15:26

Let the 22 year old pay for his up keep. Tell hom to leave or threaten to tell whoever he is scared of finding out.

Original poster
brokenmumtobe · 08/02/2022 15:27

Am I deluded to think it could work? 9 years done.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/02/2022 15:28

Does he have family you can shame him to?

DH's mum would have done terrible things to DH if he'd pulled this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/02/2022 15:28

See a solicitor this week and file for divorce. It’s not going to happen overnight so get going asap.

He’s pathetic. You’re going to be a single mum. Write a list of everything you need to sort and talk to people in real life who can support you.

HollowTalk · 08/02/2022 15:30

First of all I'd tell his friends and family - don't keep his secret.

He's an absolute bastard to put you through IVF and then immediately start an affair. And with such a young woman, too - he's pathetic.

I assume his girlfriend is living at home, otherwise he'd go to hers?

I couldn't come back from this, OP. I'd go to a solicitor asap and ask for their advice. Would you prefer to stay in the house or sell up? I'm glad you earn so much more than him. Could you give him one final settlement to buy him out?

Honeyroar · 08/02/2022 15:30

He’s just using you for a lifestyle. He wants to be single. He wants you to fund his life while he shags around. Get angry! You’ve got a lot on your plate in the near future- get everything sorted now. Take legal advice quickly.

Honeyroar · 08/02/2022 15:31

@brokenmumtobe

Am I deluded to think it could work? 9 years done.
To think what could work?
MrsWooster · 08/02/2022 15:32

Yes, you are deluded to think this could work.
Get a good solicitor and discuss how this can go to protect you and your child. He can look after himself / his 22yo friend can look after him-he’s clearly shown you that he has no respect for you or your family unit.

Original poster
brokenmumtobe · 08/02/2022 15:33

She lives at home with her mum and dad, and he literally has nothing but a car with outstanding finance. He’s on the mortgage.
Why do I want to protect him?
This is just so out of character and out of the blue.
I can’t get my head round any of it.
He’s just acting like life is normal, and if anything we’re getting on amazingly but all I am doing is pretending. I know I can’t live like this; but I am scared. Our daughter has lost out on a family; and he claims 22 year old doesn’t know he loves her.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 08/02/2022 15:34

See a solicitor. Be prepared to start divorce proceedings.

You are dealing with someone who is entitled and delusional in equal measure.

Because of this, your relationship will never work. Cut your losses sooner rather than later. He can go and shack up with his girlfriend.

Do you yourself own the home or is it jointly owned?

Original poster
brokenmumtobe · 08/02/2022 15:35

Jointly owned with a deed of trust for the original deposit owing to me.

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 08/02/2022 15:37

Ducks and solicitor time.

He doesn’t get to fuck around on your dollar. You don’t have to keep his secrets either.

Tell everyone that matters.

Loudly.

yorkshireteaspoonie · 08/02/2022 15:37

Wow I'm so sorry for you I'm not married or in this type of situation but I have just been through IVF and am 30 weeks so I know that if you've been through it too and got this far - you are made of tough stuff and can do this alone. Do not sell yourself short. He's delusional don't be sucked in by him having his cake and eating it by pretending to be happily families. It's incredibly disrespectful of him and shows no remorse. He's only interested in what's convenient for him. Do what's best for YOU 💐

Original poster
brokenmumtobe · 08/02/2022 15:38

I know you are all right. But I just can’t accept it currently.
He claims we can be best friends & he can come and see me and the dog afew days a week 😭😭😭

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 08/02/2022 15:39

9 years done is the sunken costs fallacy.

You think you should keep on trying because you've already invested so many years in this. But your H has been there that long too and he has checked out. It takes two to tango. You can't do a relationship on your own any more than you can clap with one hand.

The end of a relationship is hard to deal with. There is grief and there will be anger. There will be stress in the divorce proceedings. But none of that is like the horror of trying to make someone love you and want to be with you.

irishfarmer · 08/02/2022 15:43

What a prick!!!! He wants you to pay his rent if he moves out? Why?

I'm not sure I could ever forgive, let alone forget this. Also he doesn't want anyone to find out? How does he imagine that is going to happen if he is having an affair?

I am so sorry you are going through all of this what a nightmare.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/02/2022 15:44

He claims we can be best friends & he can come and see me and the dog afew days a week

Wake

Up

He is using you, shagging some poor girl who lives with her parents Envy and gets every single thing he wants while doing absolutely nothing to work for it or deserve it. He's an arsehole and you are currently in denial. The quicker you realise that, the better.

Original poster
brokenmumtobe · 08/02/2022 15:46

I know this is his fault but the guilt of him missing out on his daughters life is crippling me.
I can’t do the nursery runs and keep up with my job.
I also just can’t deal with any of this.

OP posts:
HomeHomeInTheRange · 08/02/2022 15:46

Oh, OP, I am so sorry.

What an absolute dick he is. Fancy going through all that for a baby, and throwing away his family life.

See a lawyer ASAP, and then a mortgage broker. You might be able to fight for a higher share of equity in the house as you need to house the baby.

A. Mortgage broker may help you find a way to buy him out.

How dare he expect you to pay his living costs or put up with him in your home pretending all is well while he shags his girlfriend?

He looks to me like a selfish immature unkind git!

OK, he had an affair, told you, swore he wanted to try again….but then did a U turn and is behaving even worse.

Knowledge is power, OP. Look after yourself, look after your coming baby (since your H has shown himself so lacking). Find out all the facts about your rights and your potential.

He has had his chance.

It could take a while to divorce / sell the house (you might well be able to buy him out of the house before a divorce comes through, I’m not sure) but in the meantime do not pretend anything!

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 08/02/2022 15:47

Best friends?

Nope.

Best example of an entitled arsehole I’ve seen for a while though.

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