Congratulations on your forthcoming baby 💐
So, a shock for you & seemingly out of character for him.
So now is the time to take stock, get informed & assess.
Do not rush to act right this moment, keep your energy & fire for your pregnancy.
Taking stock - he has betrayed you so the trust between you has been derailed. You say that he’s not himself?
Was he 100% alongside you about having children?
Having IVF treatment?
It can be a difficult experience for both women & men, particularly if the core issue is male infertility or sub fertility, & not the straightforward path to fatherhood that many enjoy. If he is not himself, has he disconnected from you & the relationship during the run-up & during the IVF programme. Did you both pay equally towards the treatment?
I ask about the IVT programme as it is widely acknowledged that this experience can heave havoc in relationships. Might he have felt superfluous or unnecessary to the process? Was he an equal partner - using his sperm? paying his share? treated as an equal in the clinic? Was he out in the corridor when you were having the egg extraction/implants? Has he drifted away whilst the focus was on you & getting pregnant?
You want him to decide/make a decision? He has made that decision already, he has decided to do the very thing that would end a relationship & then tell you himself, to be sure the message has been delivered. What he is doing is leaving you to make the next move. He needs to pack a bag & get gone.Sound familiar?
Scared? Don’t be scared, you are about to embark of the magnificent journey of motherhood. You have more inner core & strength that you know. You’ll soon tap into this.
Get informed - Solicitor meeting straight away, become better informed about your legal rights & from that the choices available to you. Clear the decks of any assumptions that you may have about who has rights to residency, who owns what & who is liable for what. Be informed by the Solicitor, take their advice. You can instruct them later on as required.
Get informed - mortgage broker, how quickly can you get a mortgage that will allow you to keep the house & pay the mortgage in full.
Pay his rent? Naaaah! For a brief period you can contract between you to pay his share of the mortgage so that he can pay his rent - until the house is sold/you buy him out/whatever. Ask your solicitor/mortgage provider how best to do this yourselves to keep the costs down.
So, it is not unheard of for men to undertake a significant wobble as fatherhood looms. But is this a reason to keep him as your partner, particularly when he has gone out his way to tell you this and seemingly is keen to have you to pay for him to go by underwriting his rent.
He is telling you that he wants to go & come back to fulfil standard fatherly visits. He says that the woman at work does not know how he feels about her - a bit risky of him to burn his bridges with you, so I don’t know if I believe this. I would not be surprised if they are living together soon, particularly if he expects you to pay his (& her) rent. He is telling you, believe him.
So no ‘choose me’ dances.
Put yourself & your baby first.