my husband is carrying on with another woman.. 20 weeks

[brokenmumtobe]

20 weeks pregnant and my husband wants a relationship with another woman.
I found out recently he had cheated on me, and he admitted it and said he was desperate to try again - it lasted a week until he told me he had feelings for his 22 year old work friend who he has known 3 months.

I asked him to leave our home and he wont unless I pay his rent.

As I wouldnt do that, he wants to play pretend happy families so no one finds out what he's done - and see the other woman.

He strikes me as a man that is so scared he doesnt know what he wants and I have no idea where to turn or what to do.

I really don't understand why you are allowing him to treat you this way?
Why are you protecting him by not telling his family?

My exdh said he was seeing someone else, we agreed to try again.......he was still seeing her. Now he is my ex!!! I couldn't have gone away for the weekend with him knowing he was still in touch with another woman. He is showing you who he is ...............

I'm pretty horrified and ashamed for you having read all of that. The time you waste on him is time you'll never get back.

It's really hard, because the idiot in me wants to believe he has the ability to do as he says - even though I know you are all right.
I am just prologining my own agony and keeping myself in it all at the same time. We have a family meal out tonight and a party tomorrow. I am sure somewhere in the background she will be around, but he wont leave his job because he enjoys it. more excuses huh?!

What do you think it will take for you to leave?!

Can you afford a nanny further down the line?

On a practical level this would sort out the childcare and school runs etc when you go back to work.

@brokenmumtobe

To be honest… not as I hoped, 50% of everything and he could claim financial hardship. She suggested putting some of the money back as it’s gained in marriage so owing to him also. Basically until baby is here he gets 50% regardless… 😢 it’s a short marriage so easy to sort but from April adultery is no longer reason for divorce - so at the moment.. he’d get 72.5k from the marriage and I really am not happy with that at all… so thinking

I don't think adultery has been grounds for divorce for a long long time. And even if it was it makes no difference to the financials.

Sorry you're having a horrible time OP, but you can't hide your money/savings/investments in divorce proceedings

OP, reading your posts, I can't believe how passive you are being with all of this. Aside from seeing a lawyer, that is.
Who cares if he is STILL seeing her?! The fact is he cheated on you at your most vulnerable. Don't play happy families, fgs.
If you can't kick the fucker out physically, at least do it emotionally!!! Grey rock the fucker.

I understand how you are feeling as my husband had an affair when i had a baby , he too wanted this pretend world . In fact he told me and the children the divorce was my fault as i wouldnt accept living that way ,
However my main point is i also felt dreadful thinking my children would grow up without this perfect family , they are now 16 and 22 and they now say their best time was when it was just us 3( he saw them sporadically initally then refused to see them saying im not babysitting yoir children so you can go out !). My daughter has had to have therapy for many years due to his behaviour which saddens me so much and i wish i had said from the outset for him to go instead of trying to do all i could to make him be a good dad when in reality he didnt want to be . Also as a single mum we had loads of adventures too and we travelled and i did a degree ! . Please dont look like this is the end , it may be your best beginning,

Do you still love this man? Can you really see yourself staying with him? Financially, the longer you stay married to him the worse it will be. I would make the break now. You and your baby do not need this cretin in your lives.

Give him a chance OP he seems to be trying hard

He doesn't want to let people down by not going to the match, yet (as you know) he is more than happy to let you down. He is treating you awfully. He is a complete plank. When they baby is born are you going to make him leave? I know you said it makes better financial sense for you do kick him out after the baby is born. But can you kick him out and not start divorce proceeding? Do you have to be separated for a period of time before you can start the process?

@LampLighter414 I'm curious, what makes you think he's trying hard?!

If he had nothing to hide, he would allow access to his phone, he'd have the respect for you to change jobs or at least not go out where she will be outside of work.

He's your partner OP & he's meant to treat YOU better than anyone else in the world. He's an utter shit & not to be trusted. I'd somehow be checking up on him for the next day out.