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Original poster

I took my toddler to a funeral today...

243 replies

Georgepigismylife · 01/02/2022 19:14

Wish I hadn't.

Family had all ok'd him being there, I was worried he would start getting loud so I took plenty of snacks including chocolate, Quiet toys and sat on the back row closest to the door.

A few little murmurs which was understandable, nothing loud. Until the hymns then he started shouting. Told him to be quiet or we would have to leave and looked to my right to see a woman looking at me in disgust shaking her head.
I took him out the door straight away.

I felt awful but especially because it was my aunties funeral and both myself and my son had every right to be there. Family wanted us there and my auntie would have wanted us there.

No idea who this woman was but it's made the day even sadder.

OP posts:
ahcmonnow · 01/02/2022 19:16

I am sure people wish you didn't either. No place for a toddler shouting during a funeral mass where there are grieving people.

Valdes · 01/02/2022 19:17

So sorry to hear about your aunt and your day.

Toddlers being toddlers isn't something to be sad or ashamed about. I would say that taking a little one to a funeral isn't really done where I am but if you're family and you decided, there's nothing really you can do now.

I hope your day/week improves.

WorriedGiraffe · 01/02/2022 19:18

@ahcmonnow

I am sure people wish you didn't either. No place for a toddler shouting during a funeral mass where there are grieving people.
Why even bother commenting just to make a grieving person feel worse? I’m sure most people new who OP and her toddler were and didn’t mind at all because they are family, and OP took the toddler straight out. Hopefully she doesn’t have family like you.
EishetChayil · 01/02/2022 19:18

Very bad idea.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 01/02/2022 19:19

I'm sorry for your loss. Flowers

The woman was unkind IMO and you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry you weren't able to stay for the full service.

MrsGHarrison87 · 01/02/2022 19:19

I'm sorry for your loss. Try not to overthink it. It sounds like you planned well for it and did everything you could. It's normal for toddlers to act up despite your best intentions and being as prepared as possible.

BornIn78 · 01/02/2022 19:19

Some people really don't think funerals are the place for noisy children. She was obviously one of them.

You took him out when he started shouting, and it's done now, you can't go back and change it, try and let it go.

ASimpleLobsterHat · 01/02/2022 19:20

Sorry this happened to you OP. If your family were happy for your toddler to be there then that is all that matters. Ignore the other woman. Sorry for you loss Flowers

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 01/02/2022 19:20

Tricky one, my kids can’t sit still or be quiet so I wouldn’t dream of taking them to a funeral

FoxtrotSkarloey · 01/02/2022 19:20

Gosh what a tricky situation. Hindsight is wonderful, and perhaps it might not have been the best idea to take him, but given the family gave the ok and you didn't know who that woman was, she presumably wasn't as close to your aunt as you and had no right to shake her head at you.

Try and remember the good times with your aunt Thanks

MimiSunshine · 01/02/2022 19:21

@ahcmonnow

I am sure people wish you didn't either. No place for a toddler shouting during a funeral mass where there are grieving people.
What a load of crap.

Funerals are for who ever the family wants to be there. OPs family wanted the toddler there so that’s what counts.
Not some random woman or you.

OP try mot to dwell on that moment and instead imagine that your aunty would have been delightful to see her little grand-nephew oblivious and full of life.

Littlehouseonthefairy · 01/02/2022 19:21

She was your aunt. If that woman didn't want to hear your toddler she should have left.

Redribbonheadset · 01/02/2022 19:21

@ahcmonnow

I am sure people wish you didn't either. No place for a toddler shouting during a funeral mass where there are grieving people.
OP was grieving too. Don't be so heartless.
TooManyAnimals94 · 01/02/2022 19:21

My mum had to take me to a funeral when I was about 2/3 and apparently I sung loudly to all the hymns (not knowing the words it probably sounded like incoherent shouting).
She said she was embarrassed but most people were very understanding and said it was a nice reminder that life goes on.
Don't beat yourself up. How are children meant to learn etiquette in social situations if they're not allowed to attend?

Thesearmsofmine · 01/02/2022 19:22

Honestly I would forget about that woman. Some people don’t like children at funerals but your family wanted you both there and they are the ones who matter.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

babbi · 01/02/2022 19:22

I’m so sorry for your loss.
Please try to ignore the woman .
Family have every right to be there .
How unkind of her to make anyone feel uncomfortable at a sad event ..

You take care of yourself, you’ve had a tough day .
Focus on you and your child x

Ps at my uncles funeral when my DD was a toddler , almost 3 , she jumped up when she heard the bagpipes ( we are in Scotland) and started to dance a little jig 🤦‍♀️

I grabbed her to make her sit down , all I got was smiles from everyone …they were kind to her and I .
At the sandwich and tea event after , people kindly asked her to dance again …

That’s how nice people behave towards others ….

SickAndTiredAgain · 01/02/2022 19:23

If your aunt’s immediate family had said it was fine, then I think that woman was rude.

Schmoozer · 01/02/2022 19:23

I think it’s really unusual to take a little one to a funeral, so I’m not surprised you got the response you did, however it sounds like taking him was well thought through regarding your late aunties take on it, the family and yourself so don’t dwell on it
Sorry for your loss 💐

LanguageAsAFlower · 01/02/2022 19:25

I had to take my son to my Nan's funeral when he was 2 because I had to travel to Ireland for it and I was doing a reading and there was no one else to look after him. First of all, the funeral home were absolutely amazing and distracted him with dinosaurs whilst we said our goodbyes, and during the service he clapped everytime the priest spoke and was gabbling away during prayers and speeches but no one was in anyway rude or outraged by this because you can't stop a 2 year old doing that and actually for adults to go to these things sometimes children have to go to. In fact, most of my family were weirdly cheered by his input, because a child's innocence in amongst that grief is actually quite hopeful and nice. It's really bad of anyone to make you feel guilty, I hope that you managed to get to say goodbye and get what you needed from the funeral for your loss.

draramallama · 01/02/2022 19:25

I'm sorry about your auntie. You did nothing wrong.

grey12 · 01/02/2022 19:26

Some people are super formal about funerals. I tend to disagree with that idea. For me funerals are not for the dead but for the living family and friends who are left behind.

I remember when my grandmother mother passed away, some friends of my parents came straight away to pay their respects (the body was in the church waiting for the funeral on the next day). They had been to a party or something so their clothes were "summer-y". Some people commented on their clothes of course..... Hmm they had gone out of their way to be there for my dad!! They were being good friends! Who cares what they were wearing?!

ErrolTheDragon · 01/02/2022 19:27

but most people were very understanding and said it was a nice reminder that life goes on

I think that would be the reaction of any decent human being whose opinion was worth having.

Sorry for your loss, OP, and sorry the woman upset you more quite unnecessarily.

Nemorth · 01/02/2022 19:29

I was 8 and denied the chance to go to my Mum's funeral.

I'll forever be angry about that. No chance to say goodbye.

I don't think you did anything wrong. You checked with family and left when you felt you had to.

Your toddler probably won't remember but he did get to take part in a small way and say goodbye. Sorry it probably wasn't enough for you Thanks

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 01/02/2022 19:29

I took DC2 to a family funeral at 11 months. Luckily she was really quiet throughout (I think she slept in my arms through a lot of it). She'd spent a great deal of her life visiting a dying man, was there when he died in fact, and was the visitor who almost always put a smile on his face right up until the end. I hate that people are so uptight about funereal propriety rather than family. That jars for me.

Silversprinkles · 01/02/2022 19:31

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Although I don't know why you allowed some random woman in the back row to intimidate you enough to leave. Your/your aunt's family was fine with it, they must have expected the chance of noise. You knew he was "approved" to be there.

So I would have just glared back at her and stayed if the funeral was that important to me.

Women are far too socialised to be pushovers and always seeking approval/not cause offence - even from randoms. Why? You likely may never see her again so who gives a shit if she shakes her head. She can naff off. It was your aunt's funeral, that's more important than her opinion.