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Original poster

I took my toddler to a funeral today...

243 replies

Georgepigismylife · 01/02/2022 19:14

Wish I hadn't.

Family had all ok'd him being there, I was worried he would start getting loud so I took plenty of snacks including chocolate, Quiet toys and sat on the back row closest to the door.

A few little murmurs which was understandable, nothing loud. Until the hymns then he started shouting. Told him to be quiet or we would have to leave and looked to my right to see a woman looking at me in disgust shaking her head.
I took him out the door straight away.

I felt awful but especially because it was my aunties funeral and both myself and my son had every right to be there. Family wanted us there and my auntie would have wanted us there.

No idea who this woman was but it's made the day even sadder.

OP posts:
iklboo · 04/02/2022 11:28

She took a toddler to a funeral. Hardly a stimulating experience and the toddler was 100% guaranteed to need taking out.

Which she did. There's more to a funeral than the service.

BuickMcKane · 04/02/2022 13:02

if I was at a funeral and a screaming toddler was running around I'd be furious. It's entitlement from the mother's perspective thinking only of herself and not of her fellow mourners.

Yes so selfish and inconsiderate of her to take her toddler along when she has no one else to care for them. Obviously her mourning isn't anywhere near as important as anyone else's Confused

It's an entitled stance to think everyone who's attending the funeral can find childcare to cover it.

Sceptre86 · 04/02/2022 14:25

Is it more of a British custom that children are a niluisnace at weddings and funerals? Do other cultures not allow or prefer not to have kids at funerals? The post isn't meant to come across as goady I just don't understand it as its very alien to what I am used to.

I didn't take my children to their grandad's funeral, my sister came to visit and volunteered to keep them home as she was concerned it would be upsetting, especially for my then 3 year old dd who was besotted with her grandad. Had she not have been there they would have come along as I wouldn't have had anyone else to leave them with. People did ask where they kids were and some probably did think that I took an opportunity from the kids to see their grandad for the last time. I've been to many funerals as a child and am not afraid of going to them or death in general. In my culture death is very much a part of life and not considered something to, in general shelter children from.

I'm sorry for your loss op, you had every right to be there.

Sceptre86 · 04/02/2022 14:26

*nuisance even

MouseholeCat · 04/02/2022 15:11

You had the right to be there, OP.

I live in the US now and, at least around us, family kids are pretty much expected at the visitation and funeral. I find the British perspective on this really strange as a result.

OverCCCs · 04/02/2022 15:37

@Zwellers

Not talking about this specific scenario, but Are some people really so dense they can't understand why having a screaming shouting toddler disrupting a funeral might be upsetting to some people who have lost a loved one.
Agreed. While there are clearly many families and scenarios where toddlers would be welcome at a funeral, as shown by this thread, equally people should recognize there are situations were toddlers would only compound people‘s grief.

Imagine a situation where a young person had died suddenly and tragically before having the chance to have children of their own, or the funeral of a small child themselves. Can people really not understand that in certain situations a child’s presence could be incredibly traumatic? Funerals are not only for elderly who have died peacefully in their sleep after living a full life.

sillysmiles · 04/02/2022 15:53

Imagine a situation where a young person had died suddenly and tragically before having the chance to have children of their own, or the funeral of a small child themselves.

And small children attending this funeral could be siblings, friends or cousins.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 04/02/2022 16:55

If I die suddenly without children or even slowly and tragically, I still want my little cousins and nephews and nieces at my funeral. Even if they run up to the coffin, knock on it and run away giggling. My inner 10 year old would probably be giggling with them.

ParkheadParadise · 04/02/2022 18:31

Imagine a situation where a young person had died suddenly and tragically before having the chance to have children of their own, or the funeral of a small child themselves

That was my dd.
There were children in the chapel at her funeral. Also, children were attending Mass when her funeral was taking place.

inheritancetrack · 04/02/2022 18:57

I was highly pissed off at a double christening when there were several children running up and down aisles shouting and playing. I can imagine it would be upsetting at a funeral if people are very upset, but I hate the tutting and 'seen but not heard' attitude of some. you did the best you could but as soon as he started you should have left the church.

buddylicious · 05/02/2022 01:42

Most people on here say that a child should be at the funeral.

On a similar post a couple of weeks ago most people said a child should NOT be at the funeral!

girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 07:44

@buddylicious

Most people on here say that a child should be at the funeral.

On a similar post a couple of weeks ago most people said a child should NOT be at the funeral!

Well fancy that - different people have different opinions...
CrackerGal · 05/02/2022 07:49

@ParkheadParadise

Imagine a situation where a young person had died suddenly and tragically before having the chance to have children of their own, or the funeral of a small child themselves

That was my dd.
There were children in the chapel at her funeral. Also, children were attending Mass when her funeral was taking place.

So sorry for your loss 💐
CrackerGal · 05/02/2022 07:52

@Mushypeasandchipstogo

Unfortunately I have been to far too many funerals in my time and I have never seen a child in the congregation either in the church (C of E) or in the crematorium. My husband is Irish and he said that in Ireland it far more acceptable. I would not beat yourself up about this OP, after all you took your toddler out when they started playing up.
That makes sense, all the other funeral I've been to are Catholic & have kids there. My grandmothers funeral was CoE (where the neighbour was bitching about my kid being there).
LefttoherownDevizes · 05/02/2022 08:02

My 18 month old sister saw candles at our grandpa's funeral and sang happy birthday. Nobody minded, grandpa would have thought it lovely.

Kids are part of the vielle of life, I think it would be very sad indeed to have a funeral without them.

OP I am so sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable, I hope you are able to say your own goodbye

iklboo · 05/02/2022 11:06

@buddylicious

Most people on here say that a child should be at the funeral.

On a similar post a couple of weeks ago most people said a child should NOT be at the funeral!

And, as I've already said, that was a completely different scenario. That was a young baby in arms, not related to the deceased or family and the parents refused to take it out.
ParkheadParadise · 05/02/2022 11:56

In the Catholic Church, I've been at Mass with dd when a funeral is on. You can't tell everyone with kids to get out of the chapel because of a funeral.

girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 12:16

@ParkheadParadise

In the Catholic Church, I've been at Mass with dd when a funeral is on. You can't tell everyone with kids to get out of the chapel because of a funeral.
I get the feeling that the people who say it's disrespectful etc are people who only go to church for weddings and funerals
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