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Original poster

Midwife has slept with DP - WWYD?

232 replies

Dipyang · 12/01/2022 15:25

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 12/01/2022 15:27

If it was a long time ago, I'm not sure it would bother me, depends on the circumstances really.

sadpapercourtesan · 12/01/2022 15:27

It would be a big nope from me. Quite enough intense emotions swirling around childbirth without having to deal with that undercurrent.

I'd ask early on that she not be involved in your care.

Saynotopineappleonpizza2021 · 12/01/2022 15:27

Is there another hospital you could use? As much as if like to pretend I'd be ok with that I'm not sure i actually would be and it would be hugely distracting!

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Families
MayThePawsBeWithYou · 12/01/2022 15:28

No. Just ask for another mw if there are enough but she has probably moved on and may not even remember your dp.. She may feel more comfortable with that but what would you do if she was the only one available or was the one who saved you and baby.

IsDaveThere · 12/01/2022 15:28

Before you came along? I wouldn't particularly like it but am not sure that there would be anything you could do other than request a different one?

christingle2 · 12/01/2022 15:28

I mean it’s not ideal, but it was years ago so I don’t see why this has to be a big deal now

If she is your midwife and does not maintain professional conduct, request a different midwife at the time. There’s a chance she doesn’t know your dating him, and a higher chance she doesn’t care regardless

LizBennet · 12/01/2022 15:29

Nay to be honest 🤷🏼‍♀️

SilverHairedCat · 12/01/2022 15:29

How recent? 20yrs ago, not a problem. 5yrs ago, probably not comfortable.

My old boss became a midwife and I always said if I got pregnant I'd drive two counties in labour rather than let the incompetent, nasty, back stabbing and lying witch anywhere near me... Never had kids so didn't become an issue!

MirandaWest · 12/01/2022 15:29

How did you find out?

Scbchl · 12/01/2022 15:29

Wouldn't bother me. Its in the past.

Rodion · 12/01/2022 15:30

I wouldn't like it. I'd probably keep thinking about it, and then feel guilty because it was years ago... not really what you want as part of pregnancy care.

IWishIWasABaller · 12/01/2022 15:30

How did you find out op ? Im not quite sure how I'd feel about it if I was in your shoes Confused

LethargeMarg · 12/01/2022 15:32

She mar herself not want to be involved in your care or possibly may not be allowed due to personal connection to your partner. Eg the screening questions etc theoretically things like testing for hiv I'm thinking there could always be a chance it could involve her if you were found to be hiv positive

Original poster
Dipyang · 12/01/2022 15:35

@MirandaWest

How did you find out?
The FB page they share who the midwives are and he was like oh this is awkward haha

Im not fussed about her really im just more thinking it may be distracting on the day, if she looks at him or vice versa who knows what my hormones will do

OP posts:
elelel · 12/01/2022 15:38

if she looks at him or vice versa who knows what my hormones will do

I would advise you try to get another. This wouldn't fuss me at all but if you are likely to be reactive to them looking at each other you need someone else

mistermagpie · 12/01/2022 15:39

It wouldn't bother me, mind you my DH had slept with the woman who made our wedding cake, so I'm quite laid back about these things.

I expect she would try to avoid being your midwife anyway though, so it might not matter. You can always request a swap though.

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/01/2022 15:40

I'd be fine even if it was a bit odd.

Sometimes this is just the reality of living in some areas

canyoutoleratethis · 12/01/2022 15:41

Hell no

eurochick · 12/01/2022 15:41

Being stressed can slow labour. Worrying about this could affect the birth. I'd flag it now and just ask that if at all possible she not be involved in your care.

UrbanSpaceboy · 12/01/2022 15:41

If you feel it would impact on your feelings of comfort and security at a time when you are potentially vulnerable anyway (ie during labour) just ask for it to be recorded on your notes that you don't wish to have her attend to/treat you because you know her socially. You don't need to go into details with them.

EgonSpengler2020 · 12/01/2022 15:42

I think it would be one of those things that might bother you during ante natal care and in the earlier stages of labour but something that you wouldn't give a f*ck about later on when you are in the 'zone' (or in serious pain) and pushing, and later when baby is born and the only thing in the world you care about right then.

gogohm · 12/01/2022 15:44

I don't think it really matters as she will be professional and it predates you, however on the day of possible I'm sure they will try to allocate another midwife if possible if she's on duty. She might not even click as she's your midwife and mostly will be communicating with you not him

strawberrymilk7 · 12/01/2022 15:44

I'd like to say I would be fine but I'm not sure I would be. I think it's best just to ask to have a diff midwife, maybe do say it's nothing against her/ her work just that you know her personally and would be uncomfortable.

FAQs · 12/01/2022 15:45

Title is a bit misleading! So the midwife is an ex partner or fling before your relationship.

Wouldn't bother me. Have to be grown up about these things, the care received is more important.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/01/2022 15:48

No like another poster said too many emotions already

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