Midwife has slept with DP - WWYD?

[Dipyang]

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

@WonderfulYou

It wouldn't be about that at all, for me. I wouldn't want a midwife who had slept with DH even if for some reason DH wasn't there.

Why though?
What would you feel uncomfortable about?

I could see if they were in a relationship and I was the OW or there was feelings still involved or something.
But just sex years ago wouldn’t bother me, she probably won’t even remember him.

I wouldn't personally want someone I know at all - an ex colleague, relative, friend etc to be a midwife at a birth. I would want to be completely focused on the birth and feel that it would take away my concentration or perhaps feel less able to 'make a fuss' in the moment if I wanted to advocate for something I really wanted. Especially as nobody really knows how they'll feel during labour until it happens. Plenty of people feel the same, I'm surprised those who don't (their prerogative completely of course) seem unwilling to accept it's a valid reason, simply not wanting someone with an personal connection to be a professional at the most vulnerable experience of your life.

@AsYouWishButtercup

It’s not a conflict of interest at all 🙄 how do people think small towns operate? Not to mention midwifery is hungry understaffed in any given Trust, if she’s the only available at that time I’m afraid it’s tough tittle!

If your a health care professional you are required to declare a conflict of interest in certain instances. Just an example for you. You can look it up online if you wish. Don’t know if you ever watched one born every minute, there was a midwife on it who delivered a baby, the father being a man she slept with on holiday. She never said a word but when found out she was sacked for not declaring a conflict of interest. So if you have any more pearls of wisdom feel free to share 🤣

I'm pretty sure the mw would have no problem with you asking for someone else. If she remembers the dh she'll likely do it herself anyway regardless

I moved placements once when I was training to be a mh nurse because a service user I knew from school was being admitted.

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Well op still hasn't said if it's a community mw. I'm assuming yes unless she's paying private .

If community then you'll barely see her. If it's a hospital mw then it wouldn't be a small team

The community midwife is not the one you'll have when in labour

No she is in the hospital, and they are a v small team

When giving birth you should feel comfortable with the person you in the care of. For that reason I would request a different one.

Sorry @Dipyang, you asked a while back of someone might remember a person they'd had a one off sexual encounter with.

No I don't think everyone one would, especially if thier only social contact was that one time. It's not so much to do with that person's 'number' being high but more to do with time passed and how well that person recognises people they met briefly.

So the midwife in question might not remember. However, this is your pregnancy and birth so you are entitled to feel happy and comfortable with the care you're getting so you can request a different midwife.

With a brief enough encounter it might have been easier for him to keep stum and leave the awkwardness for himself.

Did you husband tell you because he felt that the midwife would recognise him?