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Original poster

Midwife has slept with DP - WWYD?

232 replies

Dipyang · 12/01/2022 15:25

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

OP posts:
Jinglemychristmasbells · 12/01/2022 16:44

@saraclara

Labour is so intensely emotional and you're at your most vulnerable. I don't think I'd want me or my DP to have any previous social connection with my midwife to be honest. The 'anonymity' is important to me. There are no prejudices and there's no prior knowledge to get in the way of the immediate, primal experience of the midwife is new to you. .

So yes, I wouldn't want an ex-lover there, but I also wouldn't want a neighbour, a school mum or an ex-colleague to be my midwife either.'

I agree a few of the moms from dd's old school are midwives at the local hospital I was praying that non of them was my midwife when I had my last 2 babies. Much prefer someone I don't know.
Iamnotmad · 12/01/2022 16:45

The midwife at your delivery will be whoever is working that day.

Walking4You · 12/01/2022 16:45

Depends how long ago and what happened (was she hreatbroken when he left her or did she leave? Was it an ok split if acrimonious? We’re they together long etc…)

Basically a ONS I’d have no issue.
A childhood sweetheart that ended because he (or she) cheated maybe not.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
Dipyang · 12/01/2022 16:45

@BeeDavis

Are you sure you’re mature enough to even be having a child?? Grow up 😵‍💫
Well i am more curious to see what people think, I'm torn because I'm not that fussed. So not sure i understand why you think I'm immature.
OP posts:
2bazookas · 12/01/2022 16:46

How do you think nurses and doctors feel when their pregnancy is monitored and poked around by past/present work colleagues then have to grunt pant moan sweat and swear through labour with their boss and half the department looking up their vag?

BurbageBrook · 12/01/2022 16:46

@BeeDavis so just because you don’t mind who you show your vagina to, everyone else in the world should feel the same? Sounds like you’re the one who has some growing up to do.

DiddyHeck · 12/01/2022 16:46

This is 100% going to be picked up by the tabloids imo.

Original poster
Dipyang · 12/01/2022 16:47

@ChiefStockingStuffer

I imagine you have a relationship history that pre-dates your husband...

Just let it go.

DP had a point, if one of my ex flings was giving him a prostate exam that would be very odd. So i'm sure you can see how some people may not like the idea
OP posts:
Original poster
Dipyang · 12/01/2022 16:48

@ShadowPuppets

Well I just asked DH how he'd feel if this were us, and he said 'that's embarassing, but not a big deal'.

I pointed out that my midwife performed an episiotomy on me during DD's delivery and asked him how he'd feel about someone who'd had sex with me cutting his penis open.

He has revised his position and agrees with me that you should absolutely request someone else to be involved...

Hahaha yes! Seems very different all of a sudden
OP posts:
Jacketpotato84 · 12/01/2022 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

ESGdance · 12/01/2022 16:52

I specifically chose a different Hospital to the one my NDN worked at as a MW.

Thought it would be for the best for both of us.

ESGdance · 12/01/2022 16:53

@ESGdance

I specifically chose a different Hospital to the one my NDN worked at as a MW.

Thought it would be for the best for both of us.

And my DH hadn’t slept with her.
AryaStarkWolf · 12/01/2022 16:55

I wouldn't fancy it no, just send a message saying that there's history there and you'd rather someone without that history, i'm sure even the midwife herself would understand that

ESGdance · 12/01/2022 16:55

@2bazookas

How do you think nurses and doctors feel when their pregnancy is monitored and poked around by past/present work colleagues then have to grunt pant moan sweat and swear through labour with their boss and half the department looking up their vag?
Always wondered why my Dr friend chose x4 home births ….
Catswhisky · 12/01/2022 16:57

Is she an ex long term girlfriend or a short encounter? The first - no way would I want her, the second wouldn’t bother me I don’t think.

I knew the midwife who prepared me for and was in my caesarean, she was an old friend of my sisters I hadn’t seen for years. She did say I could ask for another midwife but I was fine having her. I know that’s completely different, but just to say the option was given me even in an emergency situation.

Sonex · 12/01/2022 16:57

OMG I need to get off the relationship boards, it's skewing my perspective - I actually thought you meant this happened at the hospital while you were in labour or after an appointment! Grin

TabithaTittlemouse · 12/01/2022 16:58

Did they have a relationship? As in will she remember him?
She is very likely to take the decision out of your hands and ask for you to be looked after by someone else.

garlictwist · 12/01/2022 16:58

This genuinely wouldn't bother me at all, it's not like he cheated. But if it does bother you then I am sure you can request another.

littlemissalwaystired · 12/01/2022 17:01

As a midwife if I recognised the partner to be someone I'd slept with, I would make the request for you to see a different midwife myself, just to make the situation as comfortable as possible for everyone involved. However, if there were absolutely no other way than for me to be the midwife providing care at any point, I would act with complete professionalism and respect - hopefully that midwife would do the same.

littlemissalwaystired · 12/01/2022 17:03

Just remembered it actually has happened to me before! Was sent in to do a stretch and sweep that someone requested, only to find she had been in a relationship with my ex before and after me (not his baby). I made my polite apologies and hastily retreated to find another midwifeGrin

Totalwasteofpaper · 12/01/2022 17:06

I was the same as @oakleaffy but the situation is a bit less dramatic.

I have found myself unexpectedly emotional / not in control of my emotions in pregnancy.

In a low key way, I would just camly request someone else and say it's just to avoid any additional stress/complexity as it's your first pregnancy and you arent sure what to expect.

roarfeckingroarr · 12/01/2022 17:08

No. Any other circumstances fine but not when giving birth.

Mouseonmychair · 12/01/2022 17:10

It amazes me what the NHS is supposed to adapt to. Personally I wouldn't be bothered and just want good quality care. Two consenting adults slept with each other and there in no affair involved I don't see the big or any deal.

roarfeckingroarr · 12/01/2022 17:10

My new chap's ex wife is a midwife where I gave birth to DS. If we go the distance and have kids I would request she not be involved.

Pregnancy and birth is too much emotionally already.

Imnotassertive · 12/01/2022 17:12

I’d hate it so i would say absolutely make sure she’s not your midwife
I’d probably change hospital if it was me !!!