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Original poster

Midwife has slept with DP - WWYD?

232 replies

Dipyang · 12/01/2022 15:25

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

OP posts:
stmw123 · 12/01/2022 15:49

This happens more often than you think, if you work where you grew up, went to school, college or uni, chances are you've had a similar experience.

I promise you, she won't be looking after you if she can help it. If she doesn't know you/recognise your name just ask to swap midwives. No biggie. She'll be thankful.

lljkk · 12/01/2022 15:49

mmm... in DD's social circle this would be a nothing fact.

LaBellina · 12/01/2022 15:52

Nope just nope.
I wouldn’t want her near me in my pregnant state.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
saraclara · 12/01/2022 15:55

Labour is so intensely emotional and you're at your most vulnerable. I don't think I'd want me or my DP to have any previous social connection with my midwife to be honest. The 'anonymity' is important to me. There are no prejudices and there's no prior knowledge to get in the way of the immediate, primal experience of the midwife is new to you. .

So yes, I wouldn't want an ex-lover there, but I also wouldn't want a neighbour, a school mum or an ex-colleague to be my midwife either.'

Peachypeaches · 12/01/2022 15:56

This happened to me! It wasn’t the midwife who had delivered my baby, but one who came to check my stitches the next day. She and my H had dated in their late teens - they had a chat and a catch up over me as I lay there. I wasn’t bothered though.

DappledThings · 12/01/2022 15:56

Wouldn't bother me.

theNumbersStation · 12/01/2022 15:57

The fact that you are asking here says to me that you are probably better off asking for someone else.

It might feel a bit awkward for her initially but I am certain she would act totally professionally.

On a lovely day in your life, with swirling emotions, any worries with this could be easily avoided. Flowers

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/01/2022 15:58

Community Midwife or Hospital Midwife? Ours were two separate teams.

LaBellina · 12/01/2022 15:58

So yes, I wouldn't want an ex-lover there, but I also wouldn't want a neighbour, a school mum or an ex-colleague to be my midwife either.'

^^ this, actually. Agree with @saraclara that the anonymity is important to keep the experience as stress free as possible

Mrsmadevans · 12/01/2022 15:58

I would ask for personal reasons not to have her , it would be awkward for her too l am sure. Good Luck with your pregnancy OP Flowers

LadyPenelope68 · 12/01/2022 15:59

If it was before you met, it’s part of his past, wouldn’t burger me at all. If he’s slept with her whijstxwith you, then that’s different:

JustLyra · 12/01/2022 15:59

I think it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks or would do tbt.

He’s obviously awkward, and you are worried.

Being stress free is important so it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for a different MW when you’re in labour.

In my first Labour I ended up asking for a different MW because the first ones perfume was really annoying me as it brought bad memories of someone else who wore it! Happens all the time.

Holskey · 12/01/2022 16:01

If it's a short term, long past relationship then I'd be okay dealing with her. Though I would probably prefer she wasn't the one to deliver our baby from my gaping vagina. But I think it's always better if that job falls to someone quite unknown!

Goatsaregreat · 12/01/2022 16:02

Your labour, your experience and the fact it may not bother others on here is irrelevant OP.
No woman in labour should be guilt tripped into doing anything they may be uncomfortable with during labour (except for actually birthing the baby of course Wink ) . If you think it might bother you, then raise it as a potential issue.

oakleaffy · 12/01/2022 16:03

@Dipyang

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

I thought by the title that midwife was shagging your partner NOW, but if it was a past relationship/ fling, no big deal, unless he still holds a candle for her- Unlikely.

Change if it bothers you though.

statetrooperstacey · 12/01/2022 16:04

Hmm if it was years and years ago (20?) then I probably wouldn’t care but if more recently then no I don’t think I would want her. What does your DH think?
Ive had my face down the business end of childbirth and I really wouldn’t want my Dhs ex manhandling my Labia.

MovinOnUp · 12/01/2022 16:04

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest unless she was still carrying a torch for him and made it obvious.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/01/2022 16:04

@mistermagpie

It wouldn't bother me, mind you my DH had slept with the woman who made our wedding cake, so I'm quite laid back about these things.

That's quite different to someone helping you give birth to your baby!

NameChangeCity123 · 12/01/2022 16:04

I think I'd ask for someone else- it will be awkward for you, DP and possibly the midwife too. You don't want that being an issue on the happiest day of your life. I would get it sorted early days

user1481840227 · 12/01/2022 16:04

Wouldn't bother me if she was someone he'd slept with.
It would bother me if they'd had a serious relationship, or lots of feelings involved or something like that but a casual fling? not a big deal at all

Verite1 · 12/01/2022 16:06

I agree about asking for her not to be involved in your care, but don’t give the reason - that would be really unfair on her. Just say nothing personal against her, but you have a social connection. That’s vague enough I think.

Hugasauras · 12/01/2022 16:06

I thought this was about a very eventful booking in appointment or something Grin Wouldn't bother me but if it bothers you then that's reason enough just to have it noted for personal reasons. She might well rather not be involved too!

Muffinsandfruitcakes · 12/01/2022 16:06

It would be a big NO for me.

mistermagpie · 12/01/2022 16:06

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@mistermagpie

It wouldn't bother me, mind you my DH had slept with the woman who made our wedding cake, so I'm quite laid back about these things.

That's quite different to someone helping you give birth to your baby![/quote]
Well yes, obviously, but it was the closest scenario I could think of!

The midwife thing wouldn't be a problem for me either though.

appleturnovers · 12/01/2022 16:07

I wouldn't be able to relax if I was in that situation. No hard feelings per se, just the potential to be weird and awkward, especially with high emotions and hormones, and it's the sort of event where you really don't want any unnecessary distractions so yeah, I'd ask for her not to be involved.