Midwife has slept with DP - WWYD?

[Dipyang]

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

I'd feel a bit uncomfortable so it would be a no for me. You don't want to wondering and worrying about that when labour starts.

@BeeDavis

Are you sure you’re mature enough to even be having a child?? Grow up 😵‍💫

I agree. Im shocked at majority of the pp’s saying they wouldn’t be ok with it. God knows how anyone on here would cope living in the little rural village I grew up in. We wouldn’t be able to leave the house if me and my oh didn’t want to encounter anyone we didn’t have some sort of history with when we were younger

If you DO ask to have a midwife other than her, be careful how you word the request.
This midwife has done nothing wrong and you don't want it to sound like you don't want her near you because she has been unprofessional.
If you say the wrong thing, you could ruin this woman's career

@sadpapercourtesan

It would be a big nope from me. Quite enough intense emotions swirling around childbirth without having to deal with that undercurrent.

I'd ask early on that she not be involved in your care.

agree

I had this at most of my appointments. Luckily not during labour. 😂 I teased him a bit but I couldn’t really get annoyed as it was years ago .
As long as she is professional there shouldn’t be a big issue

I wouldn’t like it. Your practically naked and I wouldn’t like her to see my stretch marks and vagina, as the imagination is always better than the reality 😂

Wouldnt bother me at all.

I'd let it go. They won't have chance for a quickie re-union while you're in labour because you'll be in the bed.

It’s not about encountering an ex, it’s about being butt naked with everything hanging out whilst she pulls a human from you. Sorry but I wouldn’t like it, doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong, it’s just how an individual feels

I would ask for someone else. It's an incredible vulnerable time and if things go wrong, can be traumatic. I just wouldn't want that and I'd imagine the midwife would totally understand (or even be relieved!)

This wouldn't bother me at all but how I'd feel about it personally doesn't matter. Nor does how anyone else would.
Giving birth is a personal, intimate experience. It's very normal to feel uncomfortable having someone you're connected to there and that needs to be respected. I imagine it happens fairly often that women prefer to exclude certain midwives because they know them through one way or another. I expect the midwife team has a policy to take it into account.
As others have said, you don't need to give the details. Just say it's nothing negative about her but there's a social connection and you'd prefer someone else.
Keep in mind that babies come when they come and there are mw shortages so you may end up with her anyway, but you should definitely ask.

It won't impact on her job, people ask to change/not be in the care of health professionals because they have a personal link, all the time. That's all you need to say.

Probably awkward for your DH too, imagine someone you’ve slept with being at the birth of your child 😕

There was a story in the Liverpool Echo you should google it’s about a midwife who had slept with a partner/husband whilst they where on holiday and the Mother found out and l think the midwife may of been struck off or something, something happened enough for it to be in the paper.

People are human, it’s a small world. My collage tutor done my very first Smear, believe me if l wasn’t undressed with my legs propped up she wouldn’t of got near me but she was very professional. Good luck with the birth.

You can request another midwife at any point and you don’t have to give a reason.

Personally, all I could think about were all three 10lb bowling balls coming out of my vagina, but if it bothers you, ask for a different midwife if possible.

Definitely request another in the unlikely event she’s assigned to you.

@BeeDavis

Are you sure you’re mature enough to even be having a child?? Grow up 😵‍💫

You sound pleasant.

If wouldn't bother me 🤷🏻‍♀️

You should be allowed to have lovely memories of giving birth. I know it doesn't always go that way, but I would eliminate at the get go anything that may distract from the event. So even though I wouldn't be terribly bothered, it would be a no from me.

It would bother me. If it bothers you Let the team know that you do not want her as your midwife, although if she is the only one available at a time when you need one you may have no choice, the only way to avoid this is to transfer to a different hospital/team

What is the structure of the team? If it is caseloading care then you will have one named midwife from booking-in, through all antenatal appts, at birth and then to discharge. If this is the case then absolutely request another named midwife. If it is the more usual model of shared care then you may only see her once or twice and it is less likely to be an issue.

Ultimately none of us can tell you if this should bother you or not. It’s very personal.

@oakleaffy Haha oops yes i can see how that could have been misunderstood

That would be a whole other ballgame!

You might find you get on and have lots more in common than your dp

Unless it was an acrimonious split or maybe if they were in a serious LTR it wouldn't bother me. I'm sure she will be professional.

My best friend slept with my partner before we got together 🤣
If it bothers you OP find out who and request a different midwife.