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Original poster

Dealt with a guy serving me in a shop who made me feel like shit, and later realised he was a wannabe PUA

179 replies

parchedjanuary · 05/01/2022 01:49

I'm actually so angry about what happened in the shop that I currently am incapable of explaining it here!!!

Arghhhh!!!

I will try and write a more coherent post tomorrow.

Basically, a local shop that sells very specific items. I went in last week. The guy that owns the shop served me. He was very helpful.

I went in again a few days ago. A new employee was working and the owner wasn't there. The new guy was incredibly rude, didn't help me at all, but equally told me how pretty he thought I was, asked me way to many personal questions, which I was so shocked about I stupidly answered. Did constant negging followed by weirdo complements. Then being really nice and friendly. But equally unhelpful. I felt terrible, couldn't wait to get out, kept thinking wtf???

I got home and remembered the thread on MN about women being approached by men/boys practicing their PUA (pick up artist) game.... and looking into it a bit more, I think this might have been what he was practicing.

I'm still so angry I can't even express what happened!!!

I do intend to go back in to the shop and hopefully see the owner and tell him what his employee is up to when left alone.

Sorry this post makes no sense at all. I'm just so sad and angry about it!!!

I will attempt another post with a better explanation when I'm a bit more calm Confused

OP posts:
AntiHop · 05/01/2022 02:03

What an arsehole

Graphista · 05/01/2022 02:26

Doesn't matter if he is a PUA he shouldn't be doing that in the workplace!

Call and speak to the owner and report his arse!

Hopefully he gets the sack!

CheeseMmmm · 05/01/2022 02:40

Def tell owner make sure guy not there obv!

If I were you I'd avoid the jargon pua negging etc.

Just say he commented on your looks, and was also rude. Then examples. You're pretty and others. And rude, what said did.

V unprofessional, you felt v uncomfy. Enough to put you off going that shop.

Could say as sure true. It was unpleasant enough to warn other women you know. You haven't yet as wanted speak him first.

CJsGoldfish · 05/01/2022 04:13

I will try and write a more coherent post tomorrow
No need. Really.

I'm surprised you hung around for so long if he wasn't atually able to help you.
I'd definitely leave the lingo at home when you go back to complain.

whitewashing · 05/01/2022 05:59

Why did you hang around answering personal questions? ( now waiting for all the ‘victim blaming’ being thrown at me, but really..)

BuanoKubiamVej · 05/01/2022 06:06

I agree that using PUA jargon is unhelpful. Write an email to the owner complimenting them on the positive experience you had on your first visit and stating that the predatory, inappropriate and unprofessional comments of the rude and unhelpful employee on your subsequent visit made you feel so upset that you'll be unlikely to visit the shop again whilst that employee is present. You don't need to use jargon and you communicate more effectively without it.

RedHot22 · 05/01/2022 06:06

Tbh, I would be devising a way to deal with this myself, not running to his boss.

Take control

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 05/01/2022 06:14

Definitely tell the owner. This pig could destroy his business.

Original poster
parchedjanuary · 05/01/2022 06:17

@whitewashing no it's okay to ask. I'm really rubbish at standing up for myself. I'm well and truely conditioned to be a very nice, polite friendly female. I understand that I must be more on the ball/assertive/suspicions.....but it's not in my character.

I have decided to write down a few phrases to keep in my pocket so I don't engage with this type of arse.

I literally went into the shop to buy something I needed. I was not prepared for this type of arsehole. I very much regret engaging with him.

It's very annoying though. Literally just being female means always being prepared for some creep disrupting you just living your life:(

OP posts:
Original poster
parchedjanuary · 05/01/2022 06:24

@RedHot22 that is exactly what I am thinking to be honest.

However, the guy that owns the shop seems like a very nice respectful man , and I think he would be really upset about his employees behaviour. When I've been in before he has never treated me badly or differently for being a female. I therefore think he needs the chance to know what his employee is getting up to and deal with it himself.

P.s. I wouldn't use PUA jargon when dealing with it. It just massively struck me when I got home that creepy guy was literally following all of the PUA advice . Disgusting 🤢

OP posts:
whitewashing · 05/01/2022 06:31

Let me apologise, I think I sounded rude, it came across harsher than I intended. I’m much more direct now, but that may have come with age. Good idea to have a few stock phrases at hand.

SandyBut · 05/01/2022 06:32

Like what then?

FortunesFave · 05/01/2022 06:35

@RedHot22

Tbh, I would be devising a way to deal with this myself, not running to his boss.

Take control

What? No. She has a right to seek his employer out because she's a customer. The employer needs to know so other women don't experience this.
Outlyingtrout · 05/01/2022 06:36

You don't need to deal with it yourself and "running to his boss" is an odd way to frame this. Complaining to a business owner when you've received really poor treatment by their staff is perfectly normal and appropriate. Don't let PPs make you question yourself.

BorderlineHappy · 05/01/2022 07:06

You need to go straight to the owner.
The employee made you uncomfortable,if you try and handle it yourself he may get to the owner first.
And say you where the problem.

I agree about the email, you can say what you need without getting flustered and it's a paper trail if it needs to go further.

Original poster
parchedjanuary · 05/01/2022 07:21

@whitewashing that's okay, no offence taken.

I plan to continue using the shop and when I get the opportunity when it's just the owner in I will have a word with him. I genuinely believe that he would not be happy about how the new guy is. If he chooses not to believe me then so be it.

In the meantime, if I'm in there and it's just creepy guy, I'm tempted to discreetly stick my phone on record. It's a quiet shop so I'm likely to be in there on my own. But I'm not massively worried about that, because I always carry a personal alarm on a lanyard around my neck! It's fairly discreet and no one has ever mentioned it before .... but interestingly creepy guy did notice it and asked me about it, and seemed completely and utterly confused when I explained that it is to protect myself from being harassed or assaulted. (I probably sound a bit crazy now myself with my alarm.... but I live in a inner city area with alot of crime and it's not particularly safe, and my alarm makes me feel safer going out after dark, which is currently 4pm Grin)

OP posts:
CandidaAlbicans2 · 05/01/2022 07:24

Email is a good idea. Perhaps follow it up with a visit and speak to the owner (or ask to speak to him on the phone if you can guarantee it'll actually be him), in case arsehole employee is the one who replies to your email pretending to be the manager!

KaptainKaveman · 05/01/2022 07:33

what does 'PUA' mean?

Ozgirl75 · 05/01/2022 07:36

I honestly am struggling to understand what you mean. I don’t know what PUA or negging is. So if you’re making a complaint about unprofessional behaviour such as personal questions and unhelpful comments then I would suggest avoiding abbreviations or made up words. But do complain because it has obviously upset you.

godmum56 · 05/01/2022 07:37

Pick Up Artist

Ozgirl75 · 05/01/2022 07:42

Like someone chatting you up? There’s a formal name for that now?

cloudtree · 05/01/2022 07:43

Agree with the others about the social media jargon. I only clicked on the thread to find out what a pua was and have never heard of negging (unless it’s a typo for nagging)

Mooserp · 05/01/2022 07:44

What sort of questions did he ask you?

Original poster
parchedjanuary · 05/01/2022 07:44

@CandidaAlbicans2 yes I won't email. I did write out an email to the business email address earlier, and then stopped before I hit send because I realised it may not be the owner who picks up the emails. So I will just go in.

The shop is on a busy road close to where I live. The whole street is a bit of a nightmare. So many dodgy people hanging around. I've lived here for a couple of years and at first I used to go there anytime if I needed a shop. I generally avoid it now. I think most people (definitely most women) do. I've experienced a lot of sexual harassment there. I've had to call the police before because of very frightening events happening. It's a bit of a no go area...especially for women. There are many people (men) on drugs, drinking, begging etc. Apparently it is in the local police priorities to deal with antisocial behaviour on this particular road.

It sounds like I live in a terrible area! But it's actually a great place, as long as you don't go to the main road Grin. It's only 10 minutes walk in to the city Center which is alot safer, it's just sometimes/recently I thought I would try the local area again. Mistake!

It is really a bit strange that the business's on the main road don't realise that very few women use their services!

OP posts:
PretzelneedsSalt · 05/01/2022 07:48

@Ozgirl75 - There is a name for it if a man follows a certain strategy, one part involves giving a compliment with an insult built it. I think it is supposed to affect a woman’s confidence so that she tries to get the man to like her (or some such nonsense)

Men go on courses and are part of an online community and even have a book with instructions.. women are graded my number based on their sexual desirability. The aim
is to progress to sex with high rated women, as quickly as possible using the “techniques” to build rapport.