Absolutely Bloody Furious

[Hadalifeonce]

DD went out with some friends last night, one of them staying with us. DD arrived home about 2:30am; no friend! Apparently she refused to come back with DD. I asked what friend was planning, DD had no idea, friend was not responding to any communication, she was with another friend so DD was communicating with 2nd friend. Then 1st friend disappeared so 2nd friend had no idea, 1st friend was off radar. I waited up til 4, DD came down saying still no contact. So we both went to bed. I lay awake, worried about this friend wondering what the hell she might do.
5am I hear DD go down and out the front door, Friend had got a taxi back but didn't know our address so the taxi driver got hold of her phone, found DD's name and called to get address.

I was woken about 8:30 by a strange smell. Came down to the kitchen, oven on, dozen or so charred fish fingers on the hob, couple of burnt fishcakes, an open tin of beans, various other jars opened and smeared on work surfaces; crap all over the floor. In the oven was a melted plastic lump embedded in the shelf, obviously a meal from the freezer put in the oven. DH has just found the fish finger pack, and remaining ones in the pantry.

When they surfaced, DD knew nothing of this, friend was just laughing saying she didn't remember anything, not just the food, but from about midnight.
DH stopped me going into the kitchen because I was so angry. DD and friend cleared up most of it, but friend's lift was waiting..... She left our house without saying a word to us.

DD was in tears, I have told DD that friend us no longer welcome in our house, and she needs to pay for the oven shelf she has ruined.

DD is really pissed off too, and has asked me not to do anything until she has communicated with her. We have known the family for about 8 years and I wanted to contact friend's mum to tell her what her daughter has done, as she is a student, I expect her parents will end up having to pay for my new oven shelf.

Crap start to the new year! Sorry it's long, but I cannot fully describe the total mess and blatant waste of food.

YANBU 😬

Wow that is absolutely outrageous. I'd give DD until the end of today to resolve this herself and if that doesn't happen I would be speaking to friends parents. They definitely should be repairing the damage and replacing the food, but I'd be sending flowers and apologies too as well as getting friend to apologise in person!

Christ. Can't blame you for being upset. She could have actually caused a house fire in which case you could have had a much bigger set of issues to deal with.
Aside from that, she doesn't seem to get the danger she was putting herself in.
I think I would have to speak to her parents, but in a few days when you've cooled down and it would be because I would be worried for her rather than anything else tbh.
Sorry about the mess and annoying start to your day/year though

How old are they?

DD and friend need to pay for the damaged food and the shelf.

Your DD needs to find her anger. Her mate's stupidity could have had serious consequences.

Call her, not her mum, and ask her to come back to yours to see what she did and to arrange paying for the damage.

I'd have refused to let her in and told taxi driver to take her to her own address.

Although I am furious about the mess, it was also the lack of an apology or a goodbye, we're not strangers to her, although common courtesy would-be to day bye and thanks.
Apparently she has posted this morning that she 'got really drunk and burned some fish fingers'

I am truly seeing red!

What a rude, horrible, entitled little shit that girl is. I would inform her parents of everything and ask for the money to fix your oven.

They are 18/19, DD is angry and embarrassed. She knew nothing about it. Apparently she heard friend get up about 7, thought she'd gone to the loo; never dreamed she was raiding our cupboards, freezer, fridges.
Also, just found out she has form for this. She must be seriously messed up, she couldn't even have eaten all the food she burned or dispersed on the floor.

I would be livid-how old are they?

YANBU. As well as the kitchen, she left your DD to come home alone placing her at risk, by refusing to come back with her. At that point the purpose of the sleepover was gone as presumably they were coming back together for safety. This "friend" clearly can't be trusted to stick with a plan.
If you're friends with the parents I think it's worth telling them, depending on the girls' ages, as she's also placing herself at risk. Lucky for her the taxi driver wasn't dodgy.

I'd feel very sorry for your DD, it sounds like she is in trouble with you too and has possibly just lost a friend. It's very hard at that age having to take responsibility for something your idiot friend does.

What a shocker op I hope it gets sorted ASAP.

Re taxi, luckily they are all licenced here, and generally same faces. DD went to get her from the taxi, she said she briefly thought about taking cash with her, but decided better of it, so friend had to pay.

If your DD knows the girl has form for this I would be pretty cross & would question her judgment in allowing this friend round to stay, but I don’t think I’d make your DD pay for the damage. Clearly she didn’t know what was going on & is mortified at what has happened.

However I’d get her to call the girl or her parents & sort out the oven shelf, or tell her you’ll be sorting it out with her parents yourself, & that if you have to do that you’ll have to assume she can’t be trusted to deal with things in an adult fashion.

DD has only just found out herself about previous occurrences, although this one is the worst, so has no problem with ending this friendship.
I am still considering telling her parents, as this is bizarre behaviour, even when drunk, so much food. There must be something else going on.

How well do you know the parents-if you hear nothing from the daughter, I’d speak to the mum.

I hope you took pics of exactly how bad it was, because the friend will downplay it to her parents.

I'd expect her to pay for all of the damage, not just the oven shelf. Maybe replacing the wasted food too will make her think a bit more.

DD took some pictures, it's not something I immediately think of tbh.

Bloody Hell
I would give it to the end of the day too , then ring her parents if its not resolved and you have an apology

I would tell her parents. I would want to know if my teen had acted like that.

I would be asking them if she was going to pay and also highlighting that she put your daughter and herself in danger.

@Hadalifeonce

They are 18/19, DD is angry and embarrassed. She knew nothing about it. Apparently she heard friend get up about 7, thought she'd gone to the loo; never dreamed she was raiding our cupboards, freezer, fridges. Also, just found out she has form for this. She must be seriously messed up, she couldn't even have eaten all the food she burned or dispersed on the floor.

14/15 maybe you could give benefit of doubt. But 19?!!!

That sounds like quite a lot of food. Was she extremely drunk still, or does she perhaps have an ED & this amount of food could be normal for her? Possibly clutching at straws there I know!

she must be extremely messed up
This is a bit of a reach, she was drunk,made a mess in her quest for drunken snacks, it's hardly a hanging offence.
Think your reaction is way over board.

It's very stupid op
And v dangerous.

She's put herself and your dd at risk and that's what I would be discussing with her parents. I can't get exited about her not saying goodbye to two extremely angry parents 🤣. Imagine!!

She's probably feeling extremely ashamed.
Give her some time to apologise etc. And speak to the mum about safety! Spiking, fire etc.