Absolutely Bloody Furious

[Hadalifeonce]

DD went out with some friends last night, one of them staying with us. DD arrived home about 2:30am; no friend! Apparently she refused to come back with DD. I asked what friend was planning, DD had no idea, friend was not responding to any communication, she was with another friend so DD was communicating with 2nd friend. Then 1st friend disappeared so 2nd friend had no idea, 1st friend was off radar. I waited up til 4, DD came down saying still no contact. So we both went to bed. I lay awake, worried about this friend wondering what the hell she might do.
5am I hear DD go down and out the front door, Friend had got a taxi back but didn't know our address so the taxi driver got hold of her phone, found DD's name and called to get address.

I was woken about 8:30 by a strange smell. Came down to the kitchen, oven on, dozen or so charred fish fingers on the hob, couple of burnt fishcakes, an open tin of beans, various other jars opened and smeared on work surfaces; crap all over the floor. In the oven was a melted plastic lump embedded in the shelf, obviously a meal from the freezer put in the oven. DH has just found the fish finger pack, and remaining ones in the pantry.

When they surfaced, DD knew nothing of this, friend was just laughing saying she didn't remember anything, not just the food, but from about midnight.
DH stopped me going into the kitchen because I was so angry. DD and friend cleared up most of it, but friend's lift was waiting..... She left our house without saying a word to us.

DD was in tears, I have told DD that friend us no longer welcome in our house, and she needs to pay for the oven shelf she has ruined.

DD is really pissed off too, and has asked me not to do anything until she has communicated with her. We have known the family for about 8 years and I wanted to contact friend's mum to tell her what her daughter has done, as she is a student, I expect her parents will end up having to pay for my new oven shelf.

Crap start to the new year! Sorry it's long, but I cannot fully describe the total mess and blatant waste of food.

@BedisBliss

Be kind to your daughter *@Hadalifeonce* - she has done nothing wrong and is clearly mortified. This kind of thing happens, chalk it up, move on, but don't have this girl to stay again.

This.

Jesus, don't contact the parents.

We've had all manner of minor damage over the years, the badly behaved kids just don't get to come back whilst the considerate kids do.

For your dd's sake just draw a line and move on.

I can’t believe people are giving the OP grief. I’d be livid at someone running an oven shelf and wasting so much food. I would have made her sort the mess out before she left, and I would absolutely be having a word with her parents too. If she behaves like a disgrace of a child then she can be treated like one.

For those minimising it was:

20+ fish fingers
2 fish cakes
1 melted readymade meal
1 tin baked beans
Various jars smeared on the counter
Crap all over the floor

I know someone who managed to burn their entire house down by coming home drunk, putting food on to cook and then passing out with the oven still going.

My old flatmate came home shitfaced and put a pan of beans on the hob before falling asleep on the sofa. The house did not burn down but the kitchen was pretty badly damaged and we lost our deposit. Twat of girl played the 'I can't remember' card as if that somehow absolved her of any responsibility. Found my own place soon after that.

That’s appealing behaviour by the girl and I can’t believe how many posters are minimising it - it isn’t normal behaviour by any means. I had friends at that age who got a bit too drunk on a night out or whatever, but none who would treat the DD or her mum’s house like that! I can’t think of any teenagers who would have behaved like that or taken food to cook in someone else’s house bar making a couple of slices of toast.

And as for leaving the oven on…! Irresponsible and plain out of order behaviour from this girl, and you’d be more than entitled to speak to her parents - they need to know if she is putting herself at risk and behaving unacceptably in other people’s houses.

I am quite shocked by the amount of posters that are excusing this girls behaviour.
Yes I have a teenager too, he’s had friends stay for the day and given them lunch too and every time they’ve always cleaned up behind themselves, not left the house in a dump. It’s called respect, if you are raising your teenagers not to respect other peoples houses, then you’ve clearly failed as a parent.

*appalling not appealing. Bloody autocorrect! Definitely NOT appealing behaviour 😂

You will look back and laugh one day, OP. I agree. However, I would probably contact the girl’s mum if you are family friends and have concerns about her welfare and there are some costs to be reimbursed.

I'd suck up the kitchen damage. It's not the end of the world. Once she sobers up, she'll probably apologise.

I recommend telling her parents about her blackouts when she is drunk. She needs some guidance on how to drink responsibly.

Also your DD should NOT have left her. No matter how drunk and obnoxious she was. You know how stupid young people can be when they are drinking and you know how dangerous it can be. You make sure they are safe and save the recriminations for the next day

People still have responsibility for their actions though. Unless she has a psychotic illness.
She has the ability to say sorry and not act so selfishly. I’ve been on medication for mental health issues and didn’t use that as a reason to be selfish and entitled.

My son is 20 and if he pulled a stunt like this at one of his mates' parents' houses I would definitely want to know.

I would ensure that he would be paying for it.

@Hadalifeonce

If I can work out how to do it, I will ask MNHQ to delete this thread, it ended up going in a direction I really wasn't expecting.

Why? Because you're not getting 100% agreement and sympathy from absolutely everyone?

Sounds like she was a dick, but your reaction to her being 'on prescription medication' was very odd. Millions of us are on prescription medication for one thing or another. It can make all the difference or none at all.

She's got a bloody cheek refusing to come back with your daughter & then still turning up a couple of hours later.

When the taxi turned up your daughter should have told them to take her home!

Those of you saying don't tell the parents, wouldn't you want to know if your child has been behaving like this?

And if there is a MH issue then the parents need to know. She might be off her meds or relapsing.

Sounds like she was a dick, but your reaction to her being 'on prescription medication' was very odd. Millions of us are on prescription medication for one thing or another. It can make all the difference or none at all.

The point is though that those millions are responsive enough not to get trollied and mix meds and alcohol.

but teens make mistakes - its part of growing up - adults don't need to create drama over every little thing - an oven tray got a bit plasticy - no one died

Don’t you think that at 18/19 a teenager should be more adult than that though? I wouldn’t be happy but I might expect this of a 14/15 year old. But 18/19 are adults and could be either students or working - shouldn’t a 19 year old have a bit more maturity and responsibility not to potentially burn down someone else’s house?

I've heard of alcohol and medication causing people to behave totally out of character and having no memory of what happened, so the medication comment is significant.

I'd definitely tell her parents if this sort of thing has happened before.
She shouldn't be drinking at all if this is the result. You don't have to drink much alcohol for it to react badly with certain drugs.

@ChardonnaysPetDragon

Those of you saying don't tell the parents, wouldn't you want to know if your child has been behaving like this?

And if there is a MH issue then the parents need to know. She might be off her meds or relapsing.

But she's 18 or 19, so not a child, but a young adult.

So you wouldn't want to know?

I would want to know if DS behaved like this and ensure all damage was sorted out and paid for.

For those minimising it, would you be doing that if the girl’s actions had caused a fire?

OK, so child was the wrong word.

Let me rephrase, you wouldn't want to know if your daughter has caused all this?

The medication comment is totally not out of order. It’s relevant with regards to mixing it with alcohol. Can take the level of intoxication and out of control behaviour.

That level of “not being with it” is a bloody dream for some men. And that is the reason that I probably WOULD say something to her parents.

OnaBegonia - ah the irony. Calling someone out for being nasty and yet you’re the nastiest person on this post. It’s pretty clear (if you read what the OP has actually said) she’s not judging someone for being on medication, she’s just telling us what she now knows and wondering whether it impacts the situation. It’s a new year - be a nice human.

When I was about 20, I did something similarly awful when drunk at a friends' house (actually worse - less food more bodily fluids). 15 years later I still cringe to think about it. It is excruciating. I didn't know the friends' parents that well and I still remember how kind and gentle and concerned her mum was to me, when she would have been within her rights to be beyond fuming. It almost made it worse. It's not the right thing to do at all but I can understand being so mortified she's run off. In light of that experience and what you've subsequently found out about her mental health, if it were me I'd probably send her a kind message.

I hosted European teen girls for years had the odd drama but nothing even approaching this level. It’s not normal and it’s not ok.