Absolutely Bloody Furious

[Hadalifeonce]

DD went out with some friends last night, one of them staying with us. DD arrived home about 2:30am; no friend! Apparently she refused to come back with DD. I asked what friend was planning, DD had no idea, friend was not responding to any communication, she was with another friend so DD was communicating with 2nd friend. Then 1st friend disappeared so 2nd friend had no idea, 1st friend was off radar. I waited up til 4, DD came down saying still no contact. So we both went to bed. I lay awake, worried about this friend wondering what the hell she might do.
5am I hear DD go down and out the front door, Friend had got a taxi back but didn't know our address so the taxi driver got hold of her phone, found DD's name and called to get address.

I was woken about 8:30 by a strange smell. Came down to the kitchen, oven on, dozen or so charred fish fingers on the hob, couple of burnt fishcakes, an open tin of beans, various other jars opened and smeared on work surfaces; crap all over the floor. In the oven was a melted plastic lump embedded in the shelf, obviously a meal from the freezer put in the oven. DH has just found the fish finger pack, and remaining ones in the pantry.

When they surfaced, DD knew nothing of this, friend was just laughing saying she didn't remember anything, not just the food, but from about midnight.
DH stopped me going into the kitchen because I was so angry. DD and friend cleared up most of it, but friend's lift was waiting..... She left our house without saying a word to us.

DD was in tears, I have told DD that friend us no longer welcome in our house, and she needs to pay for the oven shelf she has ruined.

DD is really pissed off too, and has asked me not to do anything until she has communicated with her. We have known the family for about 8 years and I wanted to contact friend's mum to tell her what her daughter has done, as she is a student, I expect her parents will end up having to pay for my new oven shelf.

Crap start to the new year! Sorry it's long, but I cannot fully describe the total mess and blatant waste of food.

@Roaringlogfire

Those posters who are saying it's no big deal have obviously never had to worry about money. It would be upsetting to not only see this waste but also to wonder what child have happened had the kitchen caught fire. I too would be furious.

I think that's a good point. It's easy to have laissez-faire parenting/ be cool when you can afford to have wasted food and damage.

@dottiedodah

For those people saying its just a burnt oven tray and some fish fingers.There could have been a serious fire! The girl seems unhappy and troubled .This is sad obv ,but you have been put in danger by this girl .I would 100 per cent let her parents know .Apart from anything else if she is mixing her medication with Alcohol then she is putting herself at risk too .

This is my take. My dd is a younger teen and I’m not getting parents involved for stuff much now because the kids need to sort things out between themselves. But this is a mh issue and the girl is potentially putting herself and others at serious risk.

I know someone who managed to burn their entire house down by coming home drunk, putting food on to cook and then passing out with the oven still going.
And this wasn't one meal. It was food smeared all over the counter and floor, multiple meals and jars opened and ruined. It wasn't just a bit of a mess and some burned fish fingers.
And yes, the medication is relevant. It means that she was possibly in a far more serious state than just drunk.
I can't believe people are judging the OP in this situation.

I think that, given what you found this am, your reactions on this thread are perfectly understandable Op. I've just filtered and read all your posts and think there are a lot of people projecting on to you here.

If the OP has more than one oven and more than one fridge, I suspect she has more money than I have. I still wouldn't be that cross.

@OnaBegonia

she must be extremely messed up This is a bit of a reach, she was drunk,made a mess in her quest for drunken snacks, it's hardly a hanging offence. Think your reaction is way over board.

This.

I'm sure quite a few people have got this drunk on New Years Eve at that age. People are still learning to handle their drink? Unfortunately, she was at your house, rather than hers. Entirely reasonable to be very cross, and wanting the shelf to be replaced. I suspect she was embarassed. Perhaps the apology will come later?

Oh and yes, I'd tell her parents too. I don't care how old she is, this shows you that she's not managing something, be it her mental health, her medication, her alcohol intake... they need to know.

@TeachesOfPeaches

It's a lot of drama over a few fish fingers and a tin of beans

So if it were a complete stranger turning up in the middle of the night, pissed, and trashed the kitchen, then skulked off with out a word in the morning (proving that they know they were bang out of order, but couldn't face the music-the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going la la la) you would ok with all that?

Appalling behaviour how utterly disrespectful to your home. No excuse.

Tell the parents, although this girl sounds like a little madame and possibly with a drink, drug problem. You could have had a fire but this girl sounds like she has MH issues, disguised as bravado hence the FB post. The parents should know because something doesn't seem right. I'd be worried about your daughter who probably knows the rest of the story and has been "the responsible one". It's not your daughters fault and it seems really unfair to taint the first day of the New Year with seething anger. She might have been trying to support the friend for years. You are right to be angry but it sounds like it's got a bit OTT. Help your daughter move on and discourage the friendship.

@Roaringlogfire

Those posters who are saying it's no big deal have obviously never had to worry about money. It would be upsetting to not only see this waste but also to wonder what child have happened had the kitchen caught fire. I too would be furious.

single parent of 3 teens in a public sector job so you are wrong in my case - but teens make mistakes - its part of growing up - adults don't need to create drama over every little thing - an oven tray got a bit plasticy - no one died

Absolutely. You would be ok with that in your horse would you then TeachesofPeaches? Like bollocks you would.

Perscription meds ,cocaine habit , extremely messed up, eating disorder , anorexia , ADHD ,changed schools everyone at risk ! Dear god call the men in white coats and throw away the key !😂
Havent any of you ever been a drunk young adult , my mum used to leave snacks out for this very reason. She had six of us and none of us were ever locked up for burnig the fish fingers ! Its part of tge story telling now especialy after we got in on a new years eve and couldnt belive our look to find a plate of sausage rolls and other bits , only to hear my dad searching the kitchen the next morning for the plate of leftover bits he'd left on the side for the dog 🤣

Wow! Teenagers at their most lovely. Pretty selfish to treat someone else's house in that way and must have been a worry for your DD. I wouldn't want the friend staying over again until she's learned some manners.

@TheGreatATuin

I know someone who managed to burn their entire house down by coming home drunk, putting food on to cook and then passing out with the oven still going. And this wasn't one meal. It was food smeared all over the counter and floor, multiple meals and jars opened and ruined. It wasn't just a bit of a mess and some burned fish fingers. And yes, the medication is relevant. It means that she was possibly in a far more serious state than just drunk. I can't believe people are judging the OP in this situation.

Agreed. The girl put herself and OPs family potentially in great danger

@dropthevipers they've known the girl for 8 years, she isn't a stranger

Clearly some of us aren't as "cool" as those posters who wouldn't be fazed by all of this.

OP, serious question. If you did something stupid when you were drunk, would you expect your parents to be informed?

Disgusting, immature behaviour. I’d be speaking to her parents today for at least two reasons a) concern for wtf is going on with her, and b) because her response was completely unacceptable.

Who the fuck does that in somebody else’s house? The only time I’ve seen similar was when a friend had a party when her parents were out. There was similar and worse in the kitchen - and it was deliberate not due to drink. I suspect this girl is the same - wanton, look-at-me destruction and bravado to cover up.

Her lack of contact with your DD was similar - on purpose and cruel in order to mess up her evening and night. She sounds out of control and needs a) consequences - paying for the damage and waste and apologising; and b) support from her parents.

[quote TeachesOfPeaches]@dropthevipers they've known the girl for 8 years, she isn't a stranger [/quote]
I know, and that is my point -you wouldn't accept this from stranger so what makes it any different simply because the party is known to you?

The first thing I thought when I read the OP was anorexia or bulimia - having heard of similar things happening with a family member who put vegetables on the cooker to boil in the middle of the night and then forgot about them.

@RampantIvy

Clearly some of us aren't as "cool" as those posters who wouldn't be fazed by all of this.

And quite happy for a teenage girl to mix alcohol and prescription meds to the point she wanders off who knows where and can't remember anything that happened / she did that night.

@Paddingtonthebear

Blimey. I think I actually would contact the parents and I would just say you are a bit concerned about their DD’s well being.

Yep.

Sounds like a really upsetting and potentially dangerous situation all round.

Feeling really sorry for your DD, OP. And you! Happy new year, hope it improves from here on in.

When you have guests, would locks on kitchen cupboards ect, be unreasonable considering the situation described here ?

@Autumndays123

OP, serious question. If you did something stupid when you were drunk, would you expect your parents to be informed?

With knobs on.