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I was raped by my boss, no idea what to do

285 replies

ily0x · 30/12/2021 21:55

Hi everyone,

Not sure where to post this,

A month ago I was attacked by my boss. I was working late, I work in a small office and it was only the two of us in the building. As I was leaving he approached me at the door and said he wanted to speak to me about something, he pulled me away from the door and forcibly kissed me. I was in shock and just froze, I didn’t push him off as I was intimidated by him and the whole situation. He then did the same thing again and this time I did try and push him off. After that he grabbed me by the throat, pushed me to the floor, ripped off my clothes and raped me on the floor.

It was the worst experience of my life and I’m still in shock and traumatised by it. I didn’t go into work next day (I didn’t have speak to him luckily) I pretended to have been exposed to someone with covid. I was off for ten days and naively thought if I furiously looked for a job in that time I’d be able to find one and leave. It didn’t happen and I’ve had to go back to work.

Every day is hell. He doesn’t share an office room with us but I still see him every day. He either ignores me or tries to act all friendly with me and I have to be nice to this man who has ruined my life. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and when I do I have nightmares. The only person I’ve told is my boyfriend but even with him I’ve not told him the full truth, I told him it was a client and not someone in my office.

I’m not in a position where I can’t quit my job. My boyfriend lost his in covid and mine is the only income. I just need to vent as I’m in hell right now and I’m not hopeful about finding another job, with Covid and the job market being terrible. I don’t want to go to the police as I have zero physical evidence and the conviction rate is absolutely abysmal so I’m not going to put myself through that when I know he’d never get charged. I also need to keep my job.

The man is the owner of the businesses son so there’s no one higher up I can go to about this. I just cannot believe someone who I liked and thought was a reasonably nice person could do this to me. For what??! This man is married with kids, has a tonne of money thanks to his Dad, he has everything. Every time I see him I get this tightness in my chest and I feel so fearful and disgusted. And add to that I have to act like nothing is wrong. I hate it. I’m so miserable. I used to enjoy my job and now I’m so irritable and depressed all the time, I try to hide it but people at work have noticed, one of them even complained about something I’d done wrong at work to HIM.

I just needed to vent as I have no one to talk to about this not even my boyfriend.

OP posts:
recliner247 · 30/12/2021 21:57

I have no advice but I'm so sorry you went through this! It is not your fault and I don't know you but you're amazing x

RoyTroyAndChris · 30/12/2021 22:00

I'm sorry that I've got no advice either, but what an awful experience for you. What an evil creep he is. You are so strong going back into work Flowers

TwinkleToeMatilda · 30/12/2021 22:00

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CrazyMama10 · 30/12/2021 22:00

I am so so sorry this happened to you, it must be horrific for you.

Is going off on the sick an option for you? Speak with your gp (you don’t have to go into full detail if you don’t feel comfortable) but they could sign you off work for a while?

Keep looking for jobs and apply for anything and everything just so you can get out of there.

I think you should go to the police about it. I totally understand that’s a huge thing to do, very scary but it may help?

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 30/12/2021 22:00

Oh my goodness this is awful, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Fully understand reluctance to report but do think very carefully about that - entirely your decision of course

Meantime, there is support available out there for you, please connect with groups and places who can offer you counselling, support & advice. Talk to your dr & get yourself signed off sick at least while you look for another job. Failing that can you insist on working from home?

So sorry you're going through this ThanksThanks

Calyx72 · 30/12/2021 22:01

Report it to the police Thanks
I'm sorry this has happened to you.

RoadTripsOceanDips · 30/12/2021 22:01

OP , it seems so inadequate to say but I’m so sorry you’ve been through this. Have you been in contact with Rape Crisis?
rapecrisis.org.uk/

Pinkstegosaurus · 30/12/2021 22:01

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please still go to the police and consider counselling because this kind of horror doesn’t go away. I’m hoping you get answers from posters with more informative advice but I hope the bastard gets his comeuppance and you gain a measure of peace. Much love to you x

Tillymintpolo · 30/12/2021 22:02

Police, he’s probably done this before

Notgettingbetter · 30/12/2021 22:03

I'm so sorry for what that awful man did to you. I think it might be a good idea to call a sexual assault helpline just to talk to someone trained.

Take care of yourself ❤️

Pinkbonbon · 30/12/2021 22:07

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WizbitsLeftEye · 30/12/2021 22:09

Emma Watson the actress has set up a free legal helpline for women who have experienced sexual harassment at work.

www.theguardian.com/world/2019/aug/05/emma-watson-launches-workplace-harassment-legal-advice-line

If you rang them before reporting, they would be able to advise you on what to do regarding your finances and I'm sure they'd be able to reassure you and support you to take this further.

I'm so sorry this happened.

I was raped by my boss, no idea what to do
RedLipClass · 30/12/2021 22:11

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I can understand you not wanting to report it but I can't help but think he has probably done this before. If you reported it I wonder if others would come forward?

If you really feel you don't want to report it (no judgement on that) then I think you should try and get signed off sick by your GP and take the time to find something else. You can't carry on like this, it'll make you more and more unwell until you reach a breaking point.

I hope you're able to find a solution that works for you and I'm so sorry that you've been put in the position of having to find a solution.

Sarahlou63 · 30/12/2021 22:11

Please speak to the rape crisis centre or the Samaritans. You need experienced advice and guidance to help you figure out how to handle this.

Pinkstegosaurus · 30/12/2021 22:12

I’m sorry to have to add this as I understand it’s not nice to consider but you may want to have an STD check, if you can explain the circumstances for the check so whoever carries it out is aware.

Ossoduro · 30/12/2021 22:13

This is awful and I’m sorry it’s happened to you. From a purely financial / employment perspective, would you feel able to go to the boss and tell him what happened and explain that you’d like to leave the job but can’t afford to do so. In the circumstances he may offer you a lump sum ‘pay off’. For him it’s better than the bad publicity of you taking them to the employment tribunal. It’s not justice by any stretch of the imagination but it would solve the issue of you needing to work alongside this person. If it is the boss’s son he may already know that his son is capable of this sort of thing. I doubt it’s the first time.

I completely understand why you don’t want to report to the police and you need to do what is right for you.

Landof · 30/12/2021 22:13

Please do report it ASAP and I'd suggest reporting to the business owner too, to have it on record. He may have done it previously. Don't let him get away with this. Is there any CCTV?

UltraVividLament · 30/12/2021 22:13

If you don't want to report it to the police you are in no way responsible for this man's future actions. He is, and him alone. It is totally understandable why you don't want to report him, you've explained your reasoning very clearly.

I think the advice to contact Rape Crisis or similar organisations is helpful. You should be able to talk through your options and next steps. Is your boyfriend being supportive?

rrhuth · 30/12/2021 22:13

I am very sorry this happened to you. This was not your fault at all and you have the right to go to the police or not go to the police, whatever is best for you.

I would though suggest that you speak to people who will know how to help you deal with this, Rape Crisis have a helpline.

Landof · 30/12/2021 22:14

And also, I am SO sorry this happened to you and I hope you're able to find some solid support

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/12/2021 22:14

I’m so sorry OP

The first step is to ring Rape Crisis, they will help you find someone you can talk to, and help you report to the police if you want to.

elelel · 30/12/2021 22:14

Please don't try to guilt OP into reporting this to the police in case this beast attacks someone else. That is neither OPs responsibility nor her priority. It's a horrible burden to lay on a victim of crime.

Shiningpath · 30/12/2021 22:14

@Pinkbonbon what a dreadful thing to say. The OP has no responsibility towards anyone else.

OP, I am so sorry to hear all you’ve been through. I would second the advice to speak to your local rape crisis organisation. Whether you want to take things further or not in terms of the police, they can help you in lots of other ways.

MagentaRocks · 30/12/2021 22:18

@TwinkleToeMatilda

So sorry you have gone through this but you MUST report it to the police. He could do this to someone else and I am sure you would never want that to happen. Please ensure you talk to the police.
Please don’t put this on the OP. She does not have to do anything she isn’t comfortable with.

OP please consider contacting rape crisis or another support group to help you through this.

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/12/2021 22:18

@elelel

Please don't try to guilt OP into reporting this to the police in case this beast attacks someone else. That is neither OPs responsibility nor her priority. It's a horrible burden to lay on a victim of crime.
I completely agree with this.

I hope you're able to get some counselling and real life support Op as what you've been through is truly horrific. I also hope you're able to find a new job soon as working there must be traumatic also.

He's an absolute fucker - bastard should burn.

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