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Original poster

I was raped by my boss, no idea what to do

285 replies

ily0x · 30/12/2021 21:55

Hi everyone,

Not sure where to post this,

A month ago I was attacked by my boss. I was working late, I work in a small office and it was only the two of us in the building. As I was leaving he approached me at the door and said he wanted to speak to me about something, he pulled me away from the door and forcibly kissed me. I was in shock and just froze, I didn’t push him off as I was intimidated by him and the whole situation. He then did the same thing again and this time I did try and push him off. After that he grabbed me by the throat, pushed me to the floor, ripped off my clothes and raped me on the floor.

It was the worst experience of my life and I’m still in shock and traumatised by it. I didn’t go into work next day (I didn’t have speak to him luckily) I pretended to have been exposed to someone with covid. I was off for ten days and naively thought if I furiously looked for a job in that time I’d be able to find one and leave. It didn’t happen and I’ve had to go back to work.

Every day is hell. He doesn’t share an office room with us but I still see him every day. He either ignores me or tries to act all friendly with me and I have to be nice to this man who has ruined my life. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and when I do I have nightmares. The only person I’ve told is my boyfriend but even with him I’ve not told him the full truth, I told him it was a client and not someone in my office.

I’m not in a position where I can’t quit my job. My boyfriend lost his in covid and mine is the only income. I just need to vent as I’m in hell right now and I’m not hopeful about finding another job, with Covid and the job market being terrible. I don’t want to go to the police as I have zero physical evidence and the conviction rate is absolutely abysmal so I’m not going to put myself through that when I know he’d never get charged. I also need to keep my job.

The man is the owner of the businesses son so there’s no one higher up I can go to about this. I just cannot believe someone who I liked and thought was a reasonably nice person could do this to me. For what??! This man is married with kids, has a tonne of money thanks to his Dad, he has everything. Every time I see him I get this tightness in my chest and I feel so fearful and disgusted. And add to that I have to act like nothing is wrong. I hate it. I’m so miserable. I used to enjoy my job and now I’m so irritable and depressed all the time, I try to hide it but people at work have noticed, one of them even complained about something I’d done wrong at work to HIM.

I just needed to vent as I have no one to talk to about this not even my boyfriend.

OP posts:
DreamingofTimbuktu · 30/12/2021 22:19

Can you talk to your mum or best friend?

WorkWorries1 · 30/12/2021 22:19

You need to call in sick tomorrow and phone the police. I am so sorry this happened to you. I have ptsd from being a rape victim myself.

I also work in the financial services and even though it will be heart breaking you are classed as a vulnerable customer, so even if you can’t pay your bills for a while your creditors should and will freeze interest and arrears, if you can muster up the courage to talk to them. If not speak to citizen advice or cap who can do this for you, also you can talk to Stepchange about getting a statutory breathing space which is legally biding, legally freezes all payments, to give you time to process.

Do not go back into the office and look after yourself Flowers

Bananarama21 · 30/12/2021 22:23

Op this is awful op, it's up to you what you do moving forward but please speak to someone. I was in a similar suitation where my boss( the owner) tried to sexually harass me grabbing at my breasts and tried to put his hands in between my legs and was pretty determined despite me saying no numberous times wanting to have sex. Thankfully he got the message but I think had I been more intoxiced I don't know what would have happened. Have you got a friend you can confined in? Please speak some outside help going forward Flowers

Pinkbonbon · 30/12/2021 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

oatmilk4breakfast · 30/12/2021 22:24

i'm so so sorry this happened to you. it's not your fault. i'm sorry to say i agree with those saying stay off. the longer you leave it the more risk it might happen again. every day you come in and nothing happens is another day he thinks he's got away with it. take care.

LumosSolem · 30/12/2021 22:27

@Pinkbonbon

Message deleted by MNHQ.
OP is not responsible for this disgusting rapist's actions. Stop pushing responsibility onto her and maybe focus on the piece of dirt who is actually responsible?
elelel · 30/12/2021 22:27

Im sorry but yes she does have a responsibility to others. She knows the man. She knows where he is and what he is capable of.

Here we have a woman who has been brutally raped. Her only responsibility is to herself. The guilt of his future is not for her to bear.

UltraVividLament · 30/12/2021 22:27

@Pinkbonbon that might be true for you, and how you might feel. That's irrelevant here. It's about the OP and supporting her. It is not fair to her or any other victim to place responsibility for this man's possible future actions on them. It just isn't. It's too much to demand of someone who is traumatised and vulnerable.

The way to increase victims reporting attacks to the police is to support them, not bloody guilt trip and blame them.

elelel · 30/12/2021 22:28

Or bare? I dunno, you know what I mean though.

Fcuk38 · 30/12/2021 22:29

You obviously concerned about your job but why do you think he may have chose an employer to do this to? For that exact reason fear of losing their job they won’t report. Report. Report.

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 30/12/2021 22:29

Please report this. I'm so sorry x

Bibbetyboo · 30/12/2021 22:30

Report to the police.

Go see a solicitor. For employment advice but also SUE THE BASTARD. Civil standard not the same as criminal standard. Make him literally pay for it the absolute shit head bastard.

I am so so so so sorry that this happened to you.

Pinkstegosaurus · 30/12/2021 22:31

@Pinkbonbon I understand the place that you’re coming from but the OP may not be ready to do this yet. She is not responsible for a rapists actions to herself or to anyone else.

Youngstreet · 30/12/2021 22:31

@Pinkbonbon. The OP has full autonomy over what she wants to do next. Stop trying to guilt trip her.

So sorry @ily0x. No real advice but I hope you get some rl support.

MirrorMirrorApplePie · 30/12/2021 22:32

I am so so sorry this happened to you❤️ You’ve been incredibly brave sharing your experience, please contact the places shared by others. I wish you all the very best Flowers

ImmutableSexQueen · 30/12/2021 22:32

@UltraVividLament

If you don't want to report it to the police you are in no way responsible for this man's future actions. He is, and him alone. It is totally understandable why you don't want to report him, you've explained your reasoning very clearly.

I think the advice to contact Rape Crisis or similar organisations is helpful. You should be able to talk through your options and next steps. Is your boyfriend being supportive?

Exactly this. I really hope you can get help.
Wandda · 30/12/2021 22:33
Flowers
candle18 · 30/12/2021 22:34

So sorry this happened to you. Do you get full pay if you’re off sick? If you do, I would get signed off right away. Try to talk to rape crisis or victim support. They will be able to offer you support/counselling and also give you all the Information about what would happen if you did decide to go to the police.

Whattochoosenow · 30/12/2021 22:34

Please go to the police if you can. There’s a good chance you aren’t the first and very likely you won’t be the last. Xx

Original poster
ily0x · 30/12/2021 22:35

If you don't want to report it to the police you are in no way responsible for this man's future actions. He is, and him alone. It is totally understandable why you don't want to report him, you've explained your reasoning very clearly

Thank you for this comment. The reason I haven’t told anyone is because I know everybody will tell me to go to the police and I can’t face it. I get why everyone wants me to but I have ZERO evidence, this happened over a month ago. I know I should have gone to the hospital and done a rape kit etc at the time I just wanted to forget it and stupidly thought because I have a good CV I could easily find a new job. I don’t want my entire office knowing what happened. I want to be able to easily find a new job without having to worry about references etc.

I’m also terrified of this man as he is still my boss and I’m intimidated by him. He’s also very wealthy. I do feel guilty for not going to the police but right now I’m just trying to survive. No one would believe me, everyone loves him and thinks he’s great. I did before all this happened.

Just practically speaking if I went to the police how would I still be able to show up to a job where the man I’ve accused of rape is the owners SON? How would I be able to show up ever again? I still need a job.

He mainly works from home but comes in every day for about an hour or two everyday so luckily I’m not around him that often. I just have to pray I find a new job soon.

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 30/12/2021 22:37

@Pinkbonbon

Message deleted by MNHQ.
No she does not, the responsibility is his and his alone.

What do you think the police can do to protect women from him without a conviction? Nothing.

Do not ever make anyone feel bad about how they handle being raped and attacked

glittereyelash · 30/12/2021 22:38

Absolutely horrendous. Please report this monster. You are so strong 💞

PartyPrawnRingGames · 30/12/2021 22:38

If the OP could be sure that reporting him would mean he was charged and punished and locked away so he can't hurt other women it would be easier to say she should report to protect others, but we all know how often these men get away with their crimes and the victim is badly treated in court. So I don't think she has any obligation because of the way things are so skewed against the victim and likely to cause her further trauma.

Cannyshite · 30/12/2021 22:38

It is not your responsibility to report him OP, I get why you don’t want to.
Go on the sick and seek out some support from
A sexual assault charity. You are hearing fear from people on this thread, it’s not their life and they won’t have to go through with the Police enquiry.
You need time to process this but seeing him everyday sounds unbearable.
Flowers