Why is it women?

[julieca]

I have known so many women who restrict where and when they drive because of anxiety. They won't drive at night, in the rain, in cities, places they don't know, etc, etc. And sadly it is always women, not men.

I know for some there will be issues such as astigmatism that means driving at night is not safe. But men can also suffer from these issues. Yet I rarely meet a man who restricts where and when he drives, unless he is very elderly.

So why is it always women who are anxious about driving?

@Mummyford

I love a nice bit of judgment wrapped up in 'I just want women to be more empowered' wrapping.

For the record, I don't have any issues with driving, although I do understand that I, and others, are wielding a potentially life-ending or changing machine and appreciate those who acknowledge limitations, physical or emotional, that might make them unsuited to that.

I do know people who fear driving (two women and a man) and I'd basically classify it as a phobia and not shame them for it any more than I would any other phobia.

I am glad someone has now said this. I totally agree, and think this thread seems full of very judgmental people, under the veneer of wanting to empower women.

I am not a keen driver. I am happiest on "my patch" and I am not ashamed of that. I prefer to use the train for longer journeys and will call myself a taxi when I get to the other end. I am far happier that way and see no reason to be ashamed of it.

I don't like to drive after dark at all because I find the glare from oncoming headlights (and those on modern cars seem to be getting brighter all the time) extremely hard to deal with despite having the anti-glare coating on my glasses. My night vision has also never been great. I am better late at night when the roads are quieter than early in the evening when things are busy and there are long streams of oncoming headlights.

I am not ashamed of my anxiety over driving and don't see why I should be. I drive locally, and usually during daylight hours. I don't find it restricts me. I am not keen on going out socialising at night anyway and would much prefer to curl up in front of the TV or read my book.

Judge away!

@FlibbertyGiblets

Oh I SEE, OP. You will reject opinion or experience that does not match your own, understood. I'm out.

This has to be one of the most irritating replies I have read on MN.

I think it's partly because of testosterone (encourages risk taking and competitiveness, hence less likely to be apprehensive) and also because men are generally much more into cars and motorsport - this is partly social conditioning IMO. It seems much more common for boys to be really excited about getting their first car and to then attempt to mod it up with a loud exhaust etc. It's an identity/status thing for lots of men as opposed to just a means of transport.

I drive HGVs as part of my job, and I'm on construction sites daily where there are loads of tight manoeuvres and obstacles to bump into, as well as slipping around in the mud. I'm not any more apprehensive than any of the guys tbh. Experience is the main factor which is why I'd always recommend people try and practice the things that worry them. E.g. practice parallel parking when its quiet or go on the motorway when it's not busy.

I LOVE driving. Sometimes, if I'm getting a bit stressed, I'll go for a drive by myself. I find it very soothing.

Started learning as soon as I could, failed my test first time around (ironically, for being over-confident at junctions!), passed second time.

I'm horsey, and can tow, drive tractors and other agricultural machinery, and also have a Class 2, which allows me to drive rigid-bodied HGVs. I've done a bit of commercial driving, too - lorries, and private cars as a chauffeur. I'm planning on doing my Class 1 next year, which will allow me to drive artics.

My (male) OH, in spite of growing up in the country, is only now learning to drive at 44, which baffles me: as a teenager, THE single most important thing to me was learning to drive and getting good at it, so that I could enjoy the independence it brought.

Incidentally, I also have an astigmatism in one eye, but it doesn't really affect my night vision (I wear a corrective contact lens or glasses with modified lenses, so I'm really only aware of it if I'm not wearing them, which obviously I don't do when I'm driving... ).

@AffIt

I LOVE driving. Sometimes, if I'm getting a bit stressed, I'll go for a drive by myself. I find it very soothing.

Started learning as soon as I could, failed my test first time around (ironically, for being over-confident at junctions!), passed second time.

I'm horsey, and can tow, drive tractors and other agricultural machinery, and also have a Class 2, which allows me to drive rigid-bodied HGVs. I've done a bit of commercial driving, too - lorries, and private cars as a chauffeur. I'm planning on doing my Class 1 next year, which will allow me to drive artics.

My (male) OH, in spite of growing up in the country, is only now learning to drive at 44, which baffles me: as a teenager, THE single most important thing to me was learning to drive and getting good at it, so that I could enjoy the independence it brought.

Incidentally, I also have an astigmatism in one eye, but it doesn't really affect my night vision (I wear a corrective contact lens or glasses with modified lenses, so I'm really only aware of it if I'm not wearing them, which obviously I don't do when I'm driving... ).

Nice!

I was originally planning to get my Class 1 but I found I enjoy site work more than depot/RDC so I'm thinking of going the crane truck route instead - the biggest exceed 100 tons so plenty of room for growth.

I'm about to move from the 32 ton mixers onto the 44 ton volumetrics which are same max weight as artics but can be driven on the road like any normal rigid as they're classed as mobile plant. Well excited.

Would love a go in one of these but I'd have to change my name to EighteenWheelGirl. 😂

I know plenty of confident drivers of both sexes, but it's only women I've heard give the reasons on the OP for not driving.

@EightWheelGirl my vehicle of choice is the Millennium Falcon

@EightWheelGirl

Would love a go in one of these but I'd have to change my name to EighteenWheelGirl. 😂

That's a beauty! I'd love to drive big plant machinery, it looks very cool.

Interesting what some posters are saying about the attitudes of the men around nervous female drivers are. My husband is, in most ways, fully on board with feminism and is in no way even slightly misogynistic or sexist. But he is the World’s. Worst. Backseat. Driver. To the extent that I flatly refuse to drive him anywhere because I’d have to kill him. I’ve never been in a car with my FIL but I’d be surprised if he wasn’t even worse. And both my MIL and SIL are very nervous drivers who avoid motorways/night driving etc. Makes complete sense that the two things are connected.

That's a beauty! I'd love to drive big plant machinery, it looks very cool.

It can lift 1200 tons! 😎

@EightWheelGirl

I think it's partly because of testosterone (encourages risk taking and competitiveness, hence less likely to be apprehensive) and also because men are generally much more into cars and motorsport - this is partly social conditioning IMO. It seems much more common for boys to be really excited about getting their first car and to then attempt to mod it up with a loud exhaust etc. It's an identity/status thing for lots of men as opposed to just a means of transport.

What a load of sexist crap

I hardly know many women who are anxious about driving. I know quite a few men though. And it doesn't matter, makes no difference

I'll shot down gor ageism or something here but I often see this an age thing in 'some' women. 2 women in my family all but gave up driving when they got to 50 and their husbands drove them around. Once their husbands passed they relied on others and tbh I found t really irritating. My own mum is turning 60 and has dramatically reduced her driving, I've told her I won't be driving her all over and she doesn't get it, "oh I can't drive there!" (20miles away!) She's really limiting herself.

I'm the main driver in my home, happy to go anywhere

Misogyny.

In pretty much every household I know the men ALWAYS drive when both partners are travelling together.

Why?

Because they saw their parents do it, who saw their parents do it. In the generations before them women didn't drive, either because they had no need (SAHM) or simply weren't allowed.

It's perpetually sending the message that "men are better drivers".

As a result, women drive less and certainly where I live, rarely do things like drive on motorways or even dual carriageways.

Because they don't do it regularly or even never have done it, they don't have the confidence.

The women aren't confident so the men drive.

Repeat and compound ad-infinitum.

My dad would always loudly declaim that he would teach my brother to drive, but not me “because crack is mechanically dyslexic”. Also because he is a misogynistic twat 🙄. I’m a very good driver now, thank you.

I remember my abusive ex having a horrible, horrible outburst when we were camping, and blaming it on having had to drive my estate car rather than his hatchback (I asked him to share the driving). So, instead of voicing his anxiety, he decided to bottle it up and take it out on me afterwards. Also a misogynistic twat 🙄

I’m not even slightly anxious about driving but I won’t drive at night because I can’t see when I’m blinded by oncoming headlights. Why do something you know to be unsafe? Nobody would condemn anyone for refusing to drive after a couple of drinks.

Do people that don't drive at night, don't drive after 4pm in the winter? That's when it gets dark
How do you manage?
No judgement, just curious. Esp if have kids and drops offs, pick ups, to and from work

@Numnumcookie

Also to clear things up (work in an opticians)

Anti-glare lenses are for the wearer of the glasses not just people looking at you.

Yes it will stop reflections off the front of the lens which means people looking at you will see your eyes clearer BUT it's primary function is to let approximately 8% more light through the lens hence improving your vision and reduce the glare you are looking out if your glasses.

It is beneficial for everyone, not just those with astigmatism.

As long as your astigmatism is corrected by your glasses, it will not affect your driving at night any more than any other glasses wearer.

You can get drivewear coatings which reduce certain light wavelengths and are specifically for reducing glare from headlights of cars.

So if my glasses correct properly for my astigmatism should those weird diagonal lines from all the lights go away?

Maybe I need a better optician.

I learned to drive and did 15+ years of driving on the right hand side of the road. I was a confident enough driver, certainly didn't limit myself. Since I've been in the UK, driving on the left does make me a bit more hesitant, I feel almost like I'm back to being a learner driver and have to work harder at spatial awareness. So DH normally drives when we're together. But I'm the primary driver when we go back to visit my family.

I notice more people here in the UK are hesitant about driving or just plain never bother to learn, and yes most of those people I know are women. Back where I'm from I didn't know as many people with this issue. Tbf I now live in the London area where most people don't really need a car.
My English MIL is in her mid 60s and never learned to drive, but she lives in a Devon village and relies on being given lifts to get anywhere which has to be exhausting. My mum is the same age and drives across Europe. And my 85 year old grandma was happy to drive anywhere until relatively recently.

However I do remember my parents being disproportionately worried about me driving alone after I passed my driving test compared to my brother. This anxiety does rub off on the driver and is not easy to shake off.

My grandmother drove lorries during the war and drove anything and everything almost right up to her death at 93. Sadly, I don't seem to have inherited her confidence.

I've always been the more confident driver out of me and DH. I would cheerfully drive into London or abroad. Sadly I'm less confident now but only because of my disability.

@FrangipaniBlue Yes I agree. We only have one car, but any journey at the weekend or long journey, we share the driving. Even a short one, one of us drives there and the other drives back. It means I get as much experience of motorway driving or going new places as DP does.

We're a household where DH drives but that's because I do A LOT more driving than he does related to my job, so come the weekend I can't be arsed 😂😂😂