Why is it women?

[julieca]

I have known so many women who restrict where and when they drive because of anxiety. They won't drive at night, in the rain, in cities, places they don't know, etc, etc. And sadly it is always women, not men.

I know for some there will be issues such as astigmatism that means driving at night is not safe. But men can also suffer from these issues. Yet I rarely meet a man who restricts where and when he drives, unless he is very elderly.

So why is it always women who are anxious about driving?

For lots of people, driving is stressful and they really do struggle when they don't know where they are going. Some really critical comments on here about people who feel this way - what's wrong with people knowing their limitations and accepting it? Better than the over-confident or aggressive idiots who seem to be everywhere. They are the cause of so many accidents. In fact, if people behaved better on the roads, conscientious but nervous drivers might feel much more willing to do things like driving at night / going to new places.

I used to love driving. I’ve had three kids with big age gaps and found when each were infants I became very anxious. Put it down to hormones as it improved each time.
I’m increasingly anxious about driving on busy motorways. So many near misses that I see. Have no issue driving fast or using the roads, I have an issue with all the people who are incapable of thinking ahead when they drive, tailgating without realising and constantly putting the lives of me and my children in danger.
Happy to drive in snow. In rural areas and ice. Not happy to drive around people who should not be driving. So yea I get anxious driving now.

I sometimes see it as a sort of socially acceptable 'learned helplessness'.

Men have 'can't operate the washing machine' and women have 'can't drive at night'.

Or a sort of attractive vulnerability thing? Like wearing high heels?

SIL didn't learn until she was in her 30s and BIL has to drive everywhere, she tries to pretend she walks places in the rain to save the planet but I think mostly it's because she doesn't want to drive unless she absolutely has to.

My mum stopped driving at about 50, because she kept bumping the car (minor scraping the curb, opening the door into a post stuff). Possibly the 'higher earning man' dynamic of the past, but she saw it as having bumped 'his' car. Whereas if my dad bumped the car he'd just get it fixed (or not) and not even think.

Again, BIL and SIL share a car and he is the high earner, so...

On the flip side though, my brother can't drive, and I don't think he ever will, he's 35. I think with him it's a fear of failure. My ex also couldn't drive, just never learned (lacking ambition, that one). I don't think it's as socially acceptable for men though, so more of them push through the dislike.

I have astigmatism and though annoying, I don't think it makes driving at night dangerous, I've always had it so I'm used to it. That said, I do massively prefer unlit roads at night.

I would also never share a car with DH, I might borrow his (and drive it verrrry carefully, he does like his things to stay shiny), but I prefer to have my own which can get dirty and muddy and a tiny bit battered (scratched wheels from bumping up a curb to let an ambulance by, etc) without having to be accountable to anyone else for the state of it.

[quote julieca]@Constellationstation you can get glasses that help address astigmatism. Just sharing in case it helps.[/quote]
I’d imagine that people who have astigmatism already wear glasses to correct that.
The issue is that EVEN with glasses, night vision can be crap

Oh yes, thank you. I do wear glasses, it’s just that they don’t seem to correct my night vision well enough for driving.

I get the impression imagination isn't op's strength, unlike her driving!

Because anxiety is not always rationale

@KrispyKale that is very unfair. There are always valid reasons why some don't drive. But when behaviour is split along sex lines the reasons are deeper.

I have astigmatism, I had no idea it could affect your night vision, but I'm not a big fan of driving in the dark. I don't mind at all when it's super late and the roads are quiet, but hate busy evening traffic in winter when I'm blinded by every oncoming car.

I don’t drive at all anymore as it stresses me out, I budget £50 a week on taxis so I don’t miss out on things and often use the bus. My anxiety started after laser eye surgery, driving at night became like driving into big bright stars. I actually love to get taxis and now have a regular driver who I text and he’s always on time and I never have to worry about parking.
My three DS’s don’t drive, 2 had lessons and hated it and one has a medical condition that prevents him from learning at the moment. One loves to walk, one loves to cycle and the other is a local bus and train expert and has a free bus pass.

There’s a coating you can get on your glasses that is supposed to help with glare. Idk if I was offered it because I’ve an astigmatism or if there’s something else you can get too. I’d be interested to know, as my astigmatism is extreme. I do drive at night, I find it hard work and more so as I age but that’s also true of other things I still do anyway.

@Fullyhuman

There’s a coating you can get on your glasses that is supposed to help with glare. Idk if I was offered it because I’ve an astigmatism or if there’s something else you can get too. I’d be interested to know, as my astigmatism is extreme. I do drive at night, I find it hard work and more so as I age but that’s also true of other things I still do anyway.

No, it's nothing to do with astigmatism. And it's actually for glare the other way, so people looking at you don't just see your ceiling lights reflected in your glasses. Pretty much all glasses have it.

I've never been offered anything different than that nor anything other than my prescription for astigmatism.

This is a good explanation - and seems there’s an anti-glare coating and/or yellow lenses, and also that contact lenses may be much easier to drive at night in.
www.specsavers.co.uk/glasses/glasses-lenses/astigmatism-and-driving-at-night

I'll drive anywhere, I'm in my 60's.
My younger db has never driven on a motorway.

My dh used to sit in the passenger seat and refuse to drive until I was happy to drive wherever.
It's a learned skill like any other and the more you do it the better you become.

I don't mind driving at night at all but I hate driving on busy motorways and feel anxious just contemplating it.
BIL doesn't like driving the n the dark.

@Fullyhuman yes contacts work much better. I wish I could still wear them!!

Because these women can often rely a man to drive them when they don't want to if they're anxious.

True @saleorbouy

As a paramedic all the "collapsed at the wheel" jobs I've been to (some fatal, some lucky escapes, one a miracle it didn't turn into a international news worthy major incident) were all men drivers.

Maybe women are more likely to reflect and act on their weaknesses and not drive in circumstances that they should avoid.

I do know men that wont drive at all, in more numbers than women.

But of the drivers, I agree that more women limit themselves than men. I think women are more risk averse generally and driving is risky.

I dont know why women are risk averse.

Driving at night - I’ve been really struggling with it. I do have astigmatism so thought it was getting worse.

Drove DH’s car recently and realised it’s my bloody car not me! A quick google shows my car is notoriously bad for its headlights, there is a recommendation for changing to a particular bulb.

He does have a better car than me (stereotypically).

@EgonSpengler2020

As a paramedic all the "collapsed at the wheel" jobs I've been to (some fatal, some lucky escapes, one a miracle it didn't turn into a international news worthy major incident) were all men drivers.

Maybe women are more likely to reflect and act on their weaknesses and not drive in circumstances that they should avoid.

I agree @EgonSpengler2020

I've wondered this too OP. I know several women who won't drive even though they have a license or who restrict where they will drive but I don't know any men who do this. I think it's just more socially acceptable for a woman to act like a wet lettuce.

My dad is a former racing car driver (not f1!) He can tow a trailer but cannot manoeuvre or reverse at all. He has to drive in forwards and ask someone else or, at home, open the gate and do a massive u turn in the field!

Have to disagree. I don't mind driving anywhere under any conditions etc, DH however, definitely gets super anxious when driving somewhere hes never been.