Why is it women?

[julieca]

I have known so many women who restrict where and when they drive because of anxiety. They won't drive at night, in the rain, in cities, places they don't know, etc, etc. And sadly it is always women, not men.

I know for some there will be issues such as astigmatism that means driving at night is not safe. But men can also suffer from these issues. Yet I rarely meet a man who restricts where and when he drives, unless he is very elderly.

So why is it always women who are anxious about driving?

I will probably get banned if I state my opinion and the truth. But the fact you posted this at all tells me that you already know the answer. There is nothing about being born as a biological female that makes you act a certain way. The fact that so many choose to act the same is a mystery to me. Why do you ask though?

@saleorbouy

Because these women can often rely a man to drive them when they don't want to if they're anxious.

I think this is true - that as a PP said there's an element of 'just do it', the more you drive in circumstances that make you nervous the more used to it you get; the more you avoid it the more fear-inducing it becomes. So women are more likely to feel they have the option to avoid it and so more likely to stop.

It can be so restricting in the long-term, though. My driving instructor said she got a lot of older women (I assume she got a lot because they were drawn to a female instructor - the fact that they're a minority is telling in and of itself) who either had never learned or had a licence they hadn't used in decades and needed refresher lessons. In every case they were now widowed and found they'd ended up basically trapped because they'd set up their lives on the basis that their husband would drive them about and now he no longer could

I can only rely on anecdotal data I am afraid. I always think of worst case scenarios when I drive, and am very aware that I could kill somebody! Apparently DH never thinks about this at all! I also have never got into the habit of driving because I have to do it so rarely. About twenty years ago I had a job for six months where I had to drive everyday and I was no longer anxious! But now I hate driving and I rarely have the occasion to drive which makes it worse. I also avoid dual carriageways. There is an awful one near our house and I plucked up the courage to drive on it and ended up having to do an emergency stop as the car in front of me stopped dead (I think he was on his phone and missed the exit). That didn't help!

@prayingforrainbows but does he do it anyway?

[quote julieca]@prayingforrainbows but does he do it anyway?[/quote]
Sometimes. But not if I offer, then it's usually me.

I think if you are not confident to drive in certain conditions then you shouldn’t. It’s just being self-aware.

If you were told from childhood that you weren't fundamentally capable of doing a thing alongside all the other confidence-sapping nonsense that women were raised with in those days it's hardly a surprise that it causes anxiety when you do try to do it.

I think this is a big part of it but I think it still exists. There are often comments about ‘women drivers’ and how terrible women are at driving. Many men insist on being the family driver so women don’t get a chance to practice and build up confidence.

For some balance we had neighbours growing up where the woman did all the driving as the man wasn't a safe driver. He'd passed his test but didn't seem to notice hazards. My next door neighbours have also said that the woman is confident at driving anywhere but the man isn't. He does drive but doesn't like motorways etc.

@Malibuismysecrethome but nobody starts over being a confident and capable driver. I wasn't confident at first in lots of situations. But if you never do it, you never get better.
So I started off going on motorways with my partner at very quiet times to get used to it. Then you try it at slightly busier times. Then by yourself.

Because men are happier putting others at risk. As a generalisation, women are more altruistic and more willing to sacrifice their own needs for the safety of others.

This is not a problem with women.

@1concernedmummy being altruistic is good, but not to the point where you limit your life by not driving places.

So I started off going on motorways with my partner at very quiet times to get used to it. Then you try it at slightly busier times. Then by yourself.
That presupposes you have the chance to get used to it. For a long time we only had one car and DH used it for work. I also don't really have the time or money to drive round and round for no reason to get used to it. I would only get unused to it again anyway as where I work, I can't go by car.

I think sometimes women just don't get enough practise at driving, because their partners take on a primary driving role. I have spent significant chunks of my life single, so if I did not drive myself, then no one else was going to. As a result, I am confident driver and will drive pretty much anywhere and in all conditons.
I also agree with other posters that say women, just tend to be more open about their driving anxieties, whereas for some men it would be an affront to their masculinity to confess any kind of vulnerability in relation to it.

not to the point where you limit your life by not driving places.
I think we would all be a lot better off if people didn't drive so much tbh.

Agree with the mansplaining partners.

Could never park first attempt when my ex was in the car with me, but when parking up at work I would get my car into the tiniest of spaces first attempt every time.

Eventually realised it was because ex was "helpfully" guiding me into the parking spot - making me think I must have been lined up wrong for him to say something. Nope I was fine, he was just being a patronising knob and made me doubt my abilities.

Would get frequently told he was a great driver (by him), he went on to write off a car. Me? 13 years no claims.

I'm not an anxious driver but I find that I'm more aware of risk than my DH. Both in life generally and with driving. His approach is 'it'll be fine' and he drives in a way that I never would as a result.

I also drive more than him, so I seem more accidents and the consequences of poor driving. This makes me more careful than he is. He commutes by train, so driving for him is weekend only.

I have mild astigmatism and night driving isn't ideal, particularly in the wet when the glare is amplified. So I would prefer my DH to drive in these conditions.

I think women self restrict a lot more than men and make their lives smaller because they are constantly being told they are not safe.

In a first aid course I did recently the instructor was pointing out the safety concerns of being a first aider - but focussed more on the women in the group than the men.

IMO women have a great sense of perceived risk rather than actual risk.

Also to clear things up (work in an opticians)

Anti-glare lenses are for the wearer of the glasses not just people looking at you.

Yes it will stop reflections off the front of the lens which means people looking at you will see your eyes clearer BUT it's primary function is to let approximately 8% more light through the lens hence improving your vision and reduce the glare you are looking out if your glasses.

It is beneficial for everyone, not just those with astigmatism.

As long as your astigmatism is corrected by your glasses, it will not affect your driving at night any more than any other glasses wearer.

You can get drivewear coatings which reduce certain light wavelengths and are specifically for reducing glare from headlights of cars.

Yet I rarely meet a man who restricts where and when he drives, unless he is very elderly

You clearly haven't met my 49 year old DP then. He only drives to and from work....and grand total of 20 minutes a day.

I'm one of those women and I have no idea. I hate driving at night (mostly because of the cars with new LED lights that blind you). I also hate driving to new places because I have a terrible sense of direction. If I really have to I'll use Google street view to figure out tricky junctions before I leave. Mostly because there are so many where you don't see which lane is which until you're driving over the writing on the road about 10m from the roundabout.

Well, I can't drive at night, because the glare off other headlights affects my vision so badly, that I am dangerous.

But in daylight, I'd go absolutely anywhere, motorways, foreign countries on the other side of the road etc.

My Mum would never go on the ring road, she'd rather go miles out of her way to avoid it - I think it was the merging on and off that just gave her the heeby jeebies!

One of DH's mates told him only the other day that he really doesn't like driving long distances or somewhere he doesn't know, especially if it's dark. But he really didn't want to talk about it, and DH said that maybe he was embarrassed about it.

So maybe that's it. Women are more likely to admit that they are anxious about driving, and perhaps men aren't.

@TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth

I have a touring caravan. I am the only woman I have ever seen towing; it's always the male partner! So there seems to be some reluctance about towing, too.

Not in horsey circles, lots of women who tow or drive HGVs long distance

I'm a new driver of 6 months and I only drive locally atm.Im sure I'll expand my horizon at some point but I'm OK for now.

I generally get DH to drive when we are out together. Not because I am incapable but pre-covid I had a huge commute whereas he worked from home so it was a nice change.

I do sometimes kick him out so I can parallel park though because I am much better at parking than him.

We generally have an agreement for road trips and especially overseas holidays, I drive first in a new car or hire car, he does mountain pass type roads, I do busy cities, and motorways are shared.

I tow the horsebox, and am hugely proud that I can reverse it round a corner and reverse park it. It took quite a bit of time to learn but I am pretty confident now.