Friend told me it will not get any easier

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I am struggling a bit at the moment being a full time mum to my very very headstrong 16 month old. I run my own company but business dried up due to Covid and so once we came out of lockdown and maternity leave ended we had to make a choice about childcare and for the moment it's me looking after him full time. My partner works till quite late, thankfully managing to make it home for bathtime a couple of times a week but otherwise it's me with my rambunctious boy from wake up till bed. I've found it tough perhaps being 40, or a new mum during Covid, or all of the above!

Anyway I'm shattered and I found myself saying to my friends that in some ways I can't wait until my son is school age. I don't want to wish our lives away so I hate saying it, but I'm exhausted and have zero time for myself. My health has suffered and I've lost myself. I used to be fit before I got pregnant but now as he's a real handful I can't do any exercise or working out at all during the week. I miss this time for myself. It's also tough at my son's age because when he's been ill or having a tantrum he hasn't got the language to communicate yet. I feel like it will be a tiny bit easier once he can articulate stuff, like what's hurting.

So I basically suggested to my friend that I felt it might be a tiny bit easier once he turns 5. To be clear, in no way do I think it's easy parenting a 5 year old or any age! I worked with teenagers so I know that's going to be really tough as well! But surely you do get a little bit more headspace once they can go to the loo by themselves, talk to you, and attend school?

My friend said I was wrong to think it will feel any easier as he gets older, and it's not at all easier parenting a 5 year old versus a toddler. She has a 5 year old, but her little girl is really chilled and also goes to school. I know my friend works out at the gym every morning. I'm not saying in anyway it's easy for her - I know it isn't, and just because her girl seems chilled around me it doesn't make it easy - but I felt really despondent when she said things wouldn't get any easier for me.

Please tell me I will find more headspace and a little bit more time for myself once my toddler gets older? Especially as a full time mum, surely this will change? If it doesn't I honestly don't know if I can do it.

It's MUCH easier once they're at school. Just having that six-hour breathing space in the middle of the day is a lifesaver.

16 months is a tough age, so I feel for you. Sending

I have a DS a little older than yours and it’s been so tough, especially with lockdowns . Life has not been normal at all!

I think older DC have their own challenges - you do get more headspace and their growing independence can mean you don’t have to be as physically “on it” all the time, but they get more expensive, talk more (talk back…), have friendship challenges and perhaps bullying, etc, managing clubs and hobbies all the time, parties at weekends. All of this can impact upon time for yourself.

Much much easier! Ds1 is 5.5, we had ds2 not longer after he had turned 4 and my god having a baby is so full on. Ds2 is also 16 months and yes sometimes we wonder why we've gone back to this stage.

I do however work full time, so 8-5:30 monday-friday do get the break from them!

Oh my goodness I found it so much easier parenting my DCs at 5 compared to when they were toddlers! Toddler age was the most difficult for me so far.

I think it's easier when they start school too. The thing is, it's different for everyone, so your friend's experience won't necessarily be the same as yours in any case.

Hopefully you'll start finding it easier before your dc even reaches school age!

Youll have different challenges. And any extra difficulties could occur in that time.

Of course it will change
You'll get more you time and your LO will start to make friends

School is likely to tire him a bit too

(That would apply to NT kids as much as Neuro diverse ones imho)

To be honest, I'd be planning to get him a place in nursery for when he's ready

Definitely easier once they're at school, 6 whole hours to get stuff done without a little one clinging from your leg.
Of course parenting can be tough at any age but toddlerhood is particularly rough.

As a parent of a 2 year old and a 4 (nearly 5) year old and having seen friends with children it certainly gets easier. They do not require as much attention, I don't mean you can abandon them, but they are perfectly happy to sit on the sofa and watch TV whilst you make dinner, they sleep better. They will be more happy to sit on your lap and read a book, having quiet time, you can let them play with toys whilst you get on with stuff around them (put the laundry on etc.).

Sleep deprivation is also a huge factor in terms of being able to clear your head, once your son sleeps better through the night and you can get the occasional lay in (alternate with your partner) then it makes the world of difference. Those first two years are for every parent I know the hardest part, we have all found it gets considerably easier after that.

I don't know that it gets easier - parenting changes with each stage, and each brings its own challenges (and rewards).

On the plus side - they do get more independent and you should get more sleep!

Do you manage to get out with you little one during the day - parent groups, classes etc do break up the time a bit (and hopefully wear them out a bit!).

It's so much easier once they are at school, they can be hard to hussle out the door in the mornings due to tiredness and a little moody after a day at school, but nothing compared to a non stop toddler. (For ref I now have a 5 year old at school now and a 22 month old toddler) Between 1-2 is brutal in my kids as the are so opinionated and strong willed, some people might have those chilled, compliant ones, nope not me.

It's true different people find different ages hard.

I found once they get to 3 years old it's much easier because they can talk and tell you want they want/need. You can start to reason with them. Also I enjoyed doing crafty things at that age as everything doesn't just go in their mouth. Also potty trained by that time and no nap to work around. They can be left in a room while you go to the toilet.

I was a SAHM and my second child was SO difficult. Cried a lot, refused to nap and I hated every day. It really is much easier as they get older, especially with regards to having time for yourself.

I remember my second throwing tantrums and well-meaning strangers saying "enjoy these days, they pass so quickly and when they get older they don't want to spend any time with you". I used to think "well that sounds bloody marvellous, let's do that instead". And I look back now,and I honestly wouldn't go back to those days for anything. It was so wearing.

Yes it gets easier all the time 💪

It will be easier. My 5 year old boy is significantly easier than the 20 month toddler. Yes you have to get involved with classes, activities, play dates etc and teach them how to read and write because the teachers are too stretched, but he will play by himself, go to the toilet when he needs to (unless it's a poo as I still wipe him), etc, which gives me time to do things like wash/dry my hair, admin, speak to a friend, cook alone, basically all things we took for granted pre children! If he's at home, I can WFH and get a reasonable amount done 20 month old wants to be carried constantly and can't be left alone. If he's at home while I'm trying to work, the day's a write off

Just DC being at school will make a massive difference, you could focus on your business or get a job, both of which will help give you another purpose to life, and increase your confidence and interaction with other adults.

Maybe your friend's DC was a chilled out toddler, but anyone who has a "spirited" challenging child will 100% be relieved when school starts!

It is easier once they start school as you have more time but the first term in school was horrendous for dts and lots of others. Once the excitement fades they're knackered and miserable.

7 is when they become properly reasonable.

It is easier when you have a break/time to be you again even if that time is when you are at work. Remember if you are in England when they turn 3 you get minimum of 15 free hours depending on your income so you could use that at a preschool for him.
I think different ages present different challenges.

it does get easier. I've got teens/pre-teens, and while there are certainly parenting challenges and struggles at every stage, you can compartmentalise things a bit more. Parenting under threes is exhausting in its sheer relentlessness.

Of course it gets easier, all ages bring their own worries but you will certainly get time to yourself and it won't be as physically challenging. You are right in the thick of it just now.

Of course! It’s much easier once they’re at school.

It gets so much easier! Maybe your friend had one of those semi-mystical 'easy babies' that just cooed and slept.

I think it’s gets easier when you have a bit of mental space. I default to thinking I’m a good parent but I quickly remind myself that (speaking only for myself - before I get shot!) I am a much better parent now I am back in work then I was when I was a full time mummy. I know this isn’t a WP vs SATM post and I definitely don’t intend to divert it - I just found being a full time mummy exhausting and I take my hat off to anyone who manages it 🎩. All the very best OP, sure you are smashing it 💪💪

Of course it gets easier, people who say it doesn't have simply forgotten how hard to 0-3 years it is. I found with dd1 once sged turned 3 she was massively easier xx

I have an 18 month and 4 year old and while I love them both dearly my 4 year is sooo much easier (despite generally not being a chilled out child) but I can get stuff done while she plays, I don’t have to constantly supervise her, I can chat with her, I can negotiate with her (mostly as she can be tricky), when we see her friends they will play while me and the other mum has a cup of tea, she consistently sleeps well. Plus other things like she can dress herself, toilets independently and can tell me what is wrong

I think it gets easier, yes. Children of any age, including teenagers will always bring new challenges to parents, and the challenges brought by teens can be more complex and difficult to solve than those brought by young children, but the massive difference is that they are going to school, so you have that time away from them and the headspace you need. Being a mum has challenged me in multiple ways over the years but I’m happier and calmer now (with a 16 and 13 year old) than I was when they were pre-schoolers. 💐