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Original poster

Friend told me it will not get any easier

192 replies

CarouselRide738 · 04/11/2021 12:29

I am struggling a bit at the moment being a full time mum to my very very headstrong 16 month old. I run my own company but business dried up due to Covid and so once we came out of lockdown and maternity leave ended we had to make a choice about childcare and for the moment it's me looking after him full time. My partner works till quite late, thankfully managing to make it home for bathtime a couple of times a week but otherwise it's me with my rambunctious boy from wake up till bed. I've found it tough perhaps being 40, or a new mum during Covid, or all of the above!

Anyway I'm shattered and I found myself saying to my friends that in some ways I can't wait until my son is school age. I don't want to wish our lives away so I hate saying it, but I'm exhausted and have zero time for myself. My health has suffered and I've lost myself. I used to be fit before I got pregnant but now as he's a real handful I can't do any exercise or working out at all during the week. I miss this time for myself. It's also tough at my son's age because when he's been ill or having a tantrum he hasn't got the language to communicate yet. I feel like it will be a tiny bit easier once he can articulate stuff, like what's hurting.

So I basically suggested to my friend that I felt it might be a tiny bit easier once he turns 5. To be clear, in no way do I think it's easy parenting a 5 year old or any age! I worked with teenagers so I know that's going to be really tough as well! But surely you do get a little bit more headspace once they can go to the loo by themselves, talk to you, and attend school?

My friend said I was wrong to think it will feel any easier as he gets older, and it's not at all easier parenting a 5 year old versus a toddler. She has a 5 year old, but her little girl is really chilled and also goes to school. I know my friend works out at the gym every morning. I'm not saying in anyway it's easy for her - I know it isn't, and just because her girl seems chilled around me it doesn't make it easy - but I felt really despondent when she said things wouldn't get any easier for me.

Please tell me I will find more headspace and a little bit more time for myself once my toddler gets older? Especially as a full time mum, surely this will change? If it doesn't I honestly don't know if I can do it.

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 04/11/2021 15:43

Yes easier in some ways when they are at school.

Just watch out for the teeanage years...

Hardbackwriter · 04/11/2021 15:44

Human nature is always that you'll notice what's currently hard and forget about or downplay what isn't currently an issue. The only reason I even think about how much easier life is because my eldest goes to the toilet independently is because I also have a baby in nappies. Before he was born I'd sort of forgotten about the faff that was the change bag, even though it had only been a few months.

CookPassBabtridge · 04/11/2021 15:47

What planet is she on!? Sounds like a doom monger. 5 is TONS easier than babies/toddlers/threenagers. Independent, don't need carrying, can explain and negotitate with them, at school all day, toilet trained, no pushchairs etc etc etc.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds 5 year olds Families
oldandscunnered · 04/11/2021 15:51

My first DS was a real handful, ran everywhere, never listened etc. But he had a lovely nature and did not have tantrums. He wouldn't nap either, we would just find him zonked out in a cupboard or something. I know it is coming into winter but I can only suggest you take him out to a park and let him run around until he burns off some steam. Find something he likes in the house, be it cars or whatever. My DS wouldn't watch TV at that age and we didn't have the joy of ipads. School can bring its own issues but be careful what you wish for, my next two were twins but they were far easier in comparison. They grow really quickly (know it doesn't feel like it just now) but one day you will look back and wish you could go back for a day. I wish you luck, it's like everything else, it will pass.

sadie9 · 04/11/2021 15:52

Gosh your friend is wrong about that. Unless she is wanting sympathy for her situation too. 16 months is quite 'bad' I would say, as they they have to be watched really carefully. They don't entertain themselves for long, their routine sleep and meals are changing a lot still. As you say they aren't talking either, they can be heavy to carry but still want 'up, all.the time!. From age 2 it's better. So yeah, I feel your pain. They are a pain in the arse that age let's face it Grin

CornedBeef451 · 04/11/2021 15:56

Your friend is lying, it gets a lot easier!

Different challenges and the school run is much more stressful than it should be but overall so much easier than a preschooler.

oldandscunnered · 04/11/2021 15:58

I also remember containing them is a great idea. I created a toy room where my son could do whatever he wanted and couldn't hurt himself. Toys everywhere. I put a stair gate on the room and of course supervised. He would just run around until he dropped. My friend's sons hated being in the pram so she constantly fed them sweets - that worked, they now really struggle with their weight!

PivotPivotPivottt · 04/11/2021 15:58

Absolutely gets easier. My 4 year old was (and still can be) an absolute nightmare from around 18 months. Honestly I will never have another child again. But I'd say since the beginning of this year things got much easier (if we don't include lockdown school closures!). She's in nursery 9-3 Monday - Friday and what a difference this makes to my life. My oldest was pretty chilled since she was tiny so I never noticed as much of an impact with her but since my youngest has calmed down and got easier my life is so much better.

Dazedandc0nfused · 04/11/2021 16:02

I have a 15 month old. It is lovely to watch them develop but it is really hard work. It will get easier though. I say this as I also have two 4 year olds and a 7 year old. They all got easier between 3-4 years old

maudmadrigal · 04/11/2021 17:35

Another it definitely gets easier here! I have teenagers now, and there are different challenges (and also different benefits) at this stage, as there have been at every stage of life. For me, young toddlerhood was definitely the most challenging age - the bit just after they've stopped napping.

Of course your friend may have had a completely different experience, and for some people depending on their children, circumstances and own personalities, five will be the hardest age, but there's a pretty strong consensus on here that toddlers is a tough bit!

Heatherjayne1972 · 04/11/2021 17:36

I found it got easier when they went to nursery and then later at school
Mine had 15 free hours a week at 3 years old
Just having them doing something that I wasn’t involved in was great.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 04/11/2021 17:48

She has a 5 year old, but her little girl is really chilled and also goes to school. I know my friend works out at the gym every morning.

Have you articulated to her that by "easier" one of the things you specifically mean is "I'll have time alone to exercise"?

I've found it's gotten easier and easier, especially once they started nursery and then school (SAHP here).

superplumb · 04/11/2021 18:44

It really does get easier. Promise. Mine are 5 and 7 and when my youngest started pre school it was amazing. I work shifts but I remember when I worked a late shift and dropped them off in the morning, just sitting in peace drinking coffee.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/11/2021 18:58

It absolutely gets easier!

"I know my friend works out at the gym every morning."
I'd have raised that with her. 'And what age was [daughter] when you were able to go back to the gym?' Because either she's always been able to go, meaning she had help and hasn't a clue what you're shouldering, or, she'll realise she's just said a very stupid thing to you.

Personally the milestones that made a difference to me were :

  • talking
  • walking
  • getting him out of nappies

Each of these made a huge difference to me. Hang in there! It DOES get better!

Mum6776 · 05/11/2021 00:08

It gets steadily easier, for sure.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/11/2021 00:16

It gets easier for a bit at least.

IndecentCakes · 05/11/2021 03:29

Of course it gets easier. You are at a very tough stage. I've got three, youngest is 5, so I know this to be true! Grin

Eatingsoupwithafork · 05/11/2021 04:32

I’d say even in a year or so it will be easier. I have a headstrong DD and just the fact she understands more now at just under 2.5 is easier. Communication is easier and I think headstrong children like independence so when they can do a little more physically and mentally it helps a lot.

Fantail · 05/11/2021 04:50

Babies and toddlers are pretty full on because you have to do everything for them. Once they are older they are less dependent on you, and for a lot of people that can make things a lot easier.

I’ve got an almost 11 year old and she’s generally super - but the focus of my parenting is different. I’m conscious of her mental and emotional well-being. A colleague the other day opened up to me about his 17 year olds eating disorder.

It’s not necessarily any less busy. My daughter is quite sporty so there’s lots of facilitation that goes on!

Yusanaim · 05/11/2021 05:25

I don't like small children being called rambunctious / advanced/ mature/ demanding as if the child is difficult and you are the skilled parent struggling, because of it, when most probably the child is average and normal and you didn't know what you were letting yourself in for or you don't like the demands on your time.
Labelling a child at 18 months or thereabouts isn't fair imv (unless you are someone who works with this age group, even then there can be reasons other than temperament).

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/11/2021 05:32

the bit that definitely doesn't get easier is worrying about them.

DS1 is flying in an hour and my stomach is in a knot.
at least it's not Sydney, I was a nervous wreck!
I don't care he is 20, I can't help it and part of me wishes he was a toddler never outside a 20m radius 😁
I miss him already 😭😭😭

I'll be stalking him on flightradar24

MBM18 · 05/11/2021 05:38

My DD is 3 and I think it got easier once she could speak properly, you can basically have a full conversation with her now. I personally found it easier as she got nearer 2 years old.

Iwab82 · 05/11/2021 05:49

5 is much easier than a 16 month old. You can go to the loo on your own for a start!

BabyBunnyMama · 05/11/2021 06:53

Firstly, I can't stand people like this. I have friends with newborns and in my opinion newborns are overall easier than toddlers (and I had a really difficult newborn) but I don't tell them this 🙄 every stage has its benefits and challenges!

Now I don't have any school aged children, however I found the stage you are at until around 2 the absolute hardest so far, I really started to dislike parenting and found it such a challenge and was counting down to DDs bedtime every day, which I felt guilty about as previously loved being a mum. She's now 2.5 and a delight compared to then and I am back to enjoying our days together and making the most of it before she does start school!

Once they start to be able to communicate a little bit better about how they feel and what they need things get easier! Hang in there and it might not be so far down the line for things to feel better for you too 😊

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/11/2021 07:01

@Iwab82

5 is much easier than a 16 month old. You can go to the loo on your own for a start!
not necessarily

once I was on the loo (no lock on door) and 4 of my kids marched in one after another with mummy this and mummy that.
I asked the oldest if he could make me cocktail since we are partying in the bathroom!🙄😁