Friend told me it will not get any easier

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I am struggling a bit at the moment being a full time mum to my very very headstrong 16 month old. I run my own company but business dried up due to Covid and so once we came out of lockdown and maternity leave ended we had to make a choice about childcare and for the moment it's me looking after him full time. My partner works till quite late, thankfully managing to make it home for bathtime a couple of times a week but otherwise it's me with my rambunctious boy from wake up till bed. I've found it tough perhaps being 40, or a new mum during Covid, or all of the above!

Anyway I'm shattered and I found myself saying to my friends that in some ways I can't wait until my son is school age. I don't want to wish our lives away so I hate saying it, but I'm exhausted and have zero time for myself. My health has suffered and I've lost myself. I used to be fit before I got pregnant but now as he's a real handful I can't do any exercise or working out at all during the week. I miss this time for myself. It's also tough at my son's age because when he's been ill or having a tantrum he hasn't got the language to communicate yet. I feel like it will be a tiny bit easier once he can articulate stuff, like what's hurting.

So I basically suggested to my friend that I felt it might be a tiny bit easier once he turns 5. To be clear, in no way do I think it's easy parenting a 5 year old or any age! I worked with teenagers so I know that's going to be really tough as well! But surely you do get a little bit more headspace once they can go to the loo by themselves, talk to you, and attend school?

My friend said I was wrong to think it will feel any easier as he gets older, and it's not at all easier parenting a 5 year old versus a toddler. She has a 5 year old, but her little girl is really chilled and also goes to school. I know my friend works out at the gym every morning. I'm not saying in anyway it's easy for her - I know it isn't, and just because her girl seems chilled around me it doesn't make it easy - but I felt really despondent when she said things wouldn't get any easier for me.

Please tell me I will find more headspace and a little bit more time for myself once my toddler gets older? Especially as a full time mum, surely this will change? If it doesn't I honestly don't know if I can do it.

Can you create some time for yourself now?

'. My toddler is the easiest in the sense he doesn’t answer back or argue with me when I tell him to go to bed or eat dinner etc but he is the most physically demanding.'

I have it the other way around, it is my toddler thay fights some mealtimes and going to bed! My 4 year old is very co-operative so I'm hoping the younger one will follow suit!!

Of course it gets easier when they’re at school for 6 hours a day.
Your friend is being ridiculous and maybe she isn’t such a good friend but more of a nasty cow? What other stuff does she do or say to try to upset you?

that*

Mine was a real handful and it peaked around 2.5 then now he's three it's a bit easier. Less tantrums, easier to reason with. But I also have an 8.5 month old so I'm still knackered. In guilty of shoving him in front of cbeebies far too much. We're all in the same boat. You're doing great, it will get easier.

As a mum of three children aged 5,7 and 9... it is less exhausting physically than when they were babies by a million miles. No eyes in the back of my head, they brush their own teeth (they watch me do it and copy), they don't need super close supervision all the time. They can get their own snacks and open most packets.

Mentally it's fairly similar, there's still 'mother's load' on a high level, but I do have a child with a health condition and I am a single parent, so there's that to factor in.

There's always an eternal game of top trumps amongst parents, whether it's about sleep or their situation there'll always be at least one who says/implies they have it worse. You just have to try to tune it out.

I think any Mums with a lively 16 month old will feel your pain! At this age they are between a Baby and a Toddler really .Things should improve for you as he starts Nursery or are there any play groups nearby at all? Just having some space during the day while they are at School is heaven! As much as you love him you need some space as well.

It gets “different” some of it is easier, some of it isn’t. Different people prefer different stages. But personally I’d take 5 over 16 months any day!

Take heart OP, it gets so much better! Seems that's the experience of most people on here. The toddler phase is hard, really, really hard x

It’s easier and harder in different ways. When mine were little the logistics were easier. When they were babies I just went with the flow (albeit extremely sleep deprived utterly spent from all the crying etc) and even when I went back to work and my oldest went to nursery as a toddler life was relatively easier with nursery open 8-6 and that my only consideration.
School is harder just because it’s not a full day, is only some of the year so if you want to work too the logistics are much harder than simply signing a toddler up for a nursery. The constant homework, reading books, spelling tests, remembering to dress them as a mini beast on Friday and bringing in money for a poppy next Monday and that you’re bringing home Fred too on Tuesday for a play date and that on Thursdays you need to bring in the violin … It’s very different from having a baby.

At the same time, they get much better with sleeping, they leave you alone when you go to the toilet, they don’t cry all day long, they can be good company when you go out, a lot of the physical hard work is over.

It does get easier, your friend is talking bllcks. You can negotiate, not watch them 24/7 and they're more independent. Then they get to be teenagers and it gets harder again, so make the most of it (smile)

Just the fact that you'll have time to draw breath AND finish sentences once they're in school makes life monumentally easier! And no, parenting a 5-year-old is not nearly as tough as parenting a wild and woolly toddler! No way. Nobody ever said parenting is a cakewalk. And 5 will have its challenges. But there is absolutely a light at the end of the 'hell on wheels' tunnel you're in now.

I've just realised that your friend also doesn't work and so that's when she's going to the gym. Obviously it's loads easier then - even if the actual parenting was harder (and it's surprising if it is) she does it for half as many hours a week as you and gets a huge amount of leisure time, more than most people get at any point in their life before they retire!

Definitely easier! And I am one of those weird people who like toddlers
: )

Of course it gets easier. Mine are teens now and they need support but I’m not changing their nappies, pushing them around in a buggy, buckling them into car seats and having to watch them every second.

Once they get to 3 or 4 it starts to get a lot easier. School obviously and they have a bit more sense generally and do a few things for themselves.

You’ve almost finished the hardest bit, don’t worry!

I have a friend who used to say that to me, every stage was going to be very difficult. Put the fear in me. She still warns me about how tough teens are. Well mine are now 15 and almost 18 and they’ve been great so far.

@BiLuminous

As a mum of three children aged 5,7 and 9... it is less exhausting physically than when they were babies by a million miles. No eyes in the back of my head, they brush their own teeth (they watch me do it and copy), they don't need super close supervision all the time. They can get their own snacks and open most packets.

Mentally it's fairly similar, there's still 'mother's load' on a high level, but I do have a child with a health condition and I am a single parent, so there's that to factor in.

There's always an eternal game of top trumps amongst parents, whether it's about sleep or their situation there'll always be at least one who says/implies they have it worse. You just have to try to tune it out.

@BiLuminous

you are so right about the competitiveness.
I should know, I have 7!

🤪😉🤣🤣🤣

It should get easier. Parenting my son between the age of 2y-3.5y nearly killed me, he was a toddler nightmare. Now he's 5yo my life is immeasurably easier and more pleasant even though we now have a 2yo daughter in the mix too (she's a dream).

My DD was very active and wanted lots stimulation. She started school at 4yrs1wk and on the approach I felt it was such a shame as I'd got to the stage where she'd happily do something on her own, I could take her into town and she'd wait patiently while I tried a couple of tops on etc. Also, she'd started to realise why we say had to wait, I needed to get on with tea etc.

people relish in these doomed predictions. Betches!

It gets easier physically (and mentally) because you won't be drained or stupefied from another long day wrestling with a toddler. Try and enjoy without feeling guilty if you don't.

Physically it gets much, much easier.

In terms of decision making, emotional support, costs and organisation it gets harder though.

It's different.
Every stage has it's challenges and different people find different phases easier. I never particularly enjoyed the baby phase but my teenagers are absolutely awesome. I know people who would say the exact opposite.
But overall, I think it does get easier once you can really communicate clearly with your child. The toddler phase is so hard as they are starting to develop their own personalities and are discovering the world but don't always have the communication skills to match yet.
Also by the time they are school age you don't have to do absolutely everything for them. I found that once they can do simple things for themselves everything is easier because more than one thing can be happening at once eg you can be putting breakfast out whilst they are getting dressed instead of having to do those things one after the other, and the time pressure reduces.
On the other hand, school brings specific times you need to be places, events to attend, hobbies starting to develop etc, so there are new challenges too. But overall I'd say it is easier (and more fun) as they grow up.

Watching with interest because my 2.5 year old is having my life. It HAS to get easier than this...surely 😂

Different challenges but much easier.

Ha! Course it's easier!!! Not only does your child mature with their behaviour but you yourself settle into an easier role. What was daunting when you were new is nothing when you're well used to it.

My kids are 9, 11 and 14 and it feels like I've done fuck all for years now. It's a smoothly running machine that takes little effort and even less thought.

Oh god it's so much easier when they are at school and can wipe their own bums, dress themselves, feed themselves etc. Infant and junior schools are the BEST - they're still safe from the world but more independent. And of course you get your days back!

Mine are both at secondary school now and whilst I don't have to do much at all in terms of fetching and carrying I worry more now than I did. But even now is easier than the tiny/toddler stage - now THAT is relentless!