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Original poster

There is half a carrot in my husbands toilet

206 replies

HoneyDragon · 28/10/2021 16:34

and I don’t why and no one is confessing to putting it there.

The likely culprits all have alibis thus far….

Dh has pointed out he doesn’t like carrots
Dd never goes in there because “ew boys”
The dog hasn’t got the mental capacity to open the fridge door, salad drawer, shut the fridge, not eat the carrot and take it upstairs to put in the toilet.
Ds is at work so yet to respond but that seems like more effort than he’d be willing to invest.

I am perplexed.

Do vegetables spontaneously erupt from ubends? I thought that was just reserved for venomous critters and alligators.

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 29/10/2021 12:32

it was him.
he is a Spoonyfucker so I bet he has just progressed to stirring shit with a carrot and got caught so doesn't want to admit it.

I never thought his spoonfuckeriness can reach new heights but here we are.

ODFOgrinch · 29/10/2021 12:43

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

it was him. he is a Spoonyfucker so I bet he has just progressed to stirring shit with a carrot and got caught so doesn't want to admit it.

I never thought his spoonfuckeriness can reach new heights but here we are.

...or new lows...
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 29/10/2021 12:46

@ODFOgrinch

I read that as "or new loos"
🤣 I need glasses

Deadringer · 29/10/2021 13:24

Perhaps a carrot is the new, eco friendly version of a poo knife that i have often seen mentioned on here.

SunshineCake1 · 29/10/2021 13:33

@Deadringer

Perhaps a carrot is the new, eco friendly version of a poo knife that i have often seen mentioned on here.
🤮🤮🤮
KloppsTeeth · 29/10/2021 14:46

If it isn’t an up the bum thing, perhaps he shagged Olaf, and the warm hugs melted the frozen fucker?
Start singing “do you wanna shag a snowman” and see if he blushes.

jamandmarmalade · 29/10/2021 16:42

@HoneyDragon

Those of you still on the sex thing. Even if ds had wanted to he has had no opportunity, poor love. He spent his morning tidying his room whilst his sister and I, and the builders and electrician were all around. So not much privacy for root vegetables shenanigans.

As for the adorable junior troll hunting division feel free to report the post, stating an elaborate vegetable in a toilet tale. If MN want to do behind the scenes investigations I’m sure the time stamped photos I sent to household members, and various texts back and forth would do. But at a push I can probably drum up some signed witness statements and daily mail sad faces as well for HQ.Grin Not to mention they know I’m a real human being as Justine accidentally outed my real name on here years ago.

Now there's no need to be crudite. Wink

..i'll get my coat..

Lynne1Cat · 29/10/2021 17:18

It sounds as though your husband might have been curious about the feeling of something up his arse.

Jack80 · 29/10/2021 17:34

A joke from one of your children

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 29/10/2021 17:49

once I found 2 fully intact chipolatas in the loo.
there was no Spartacus

Mitzi067 · 29/10/2021 17:49

I had a Spanish student stay at mine for 6 weeks. I kept seeing the packed lunch I had given her, floating in the toilet, apples, bakewell cake, ham (from sandwiches). I spoke with her Language School Chaperone who said they found that some Spanish girls from a strict family were inclined to diet away from home, thus an easy way to flush food down the toilet! Maybe OP's hubby didn't want to offend OP by flushing glazed whole carrot into the loo!

Barney60 · 29/10/2021 17:51

bestcattoyintheworld Thu 28-Oct-21 16:46:26
A long time ago, when I was a student nurse, we had a chap admitted onto the ward who had to go to theatre to have an 8 inch carrot removed from his rectum. Theatre sent it back with him, it was in a plastic bag.

Could you dh have been involved in vegetable related shenanigans with the aforementioned carrot?

Yes i know of this happening too!

Ozanj · 29/10/2021 17:53

Masturbation?

greendiva · 29/10/2021 17:59

It will be the work of a feline, possibly your cat or a neighbours, potentially working as a team with the dog who is playing dumb.

CambsAlways · 29/10/2021 18:35

Ooerrrrrr

wentworthinmate · 29/10/2021 18:36

Anal play and he's popped / pooped it out. No other answer. He was negligent in making sure this wasn't discovered.

Hellsbells35 · 29/10/2021 18:56

Sex carrot

Barmychick · 29/10/2021 19:08

🤤🤣😂

msgreen · 29/10/2021 21:16

OMG weird sex thing ,please please please stop stop.
but seriously don't all husbands come with their own loo
mine did

msgreen · 29/10/2021 21:31

Good thing it wasn't a cucumber tbh

MrsFirth2006 · 29/10/2021 22:42

I too have seen patients (men) come into hospital with various implements placed in the back passage! … it was my first though to be honest.

Harmonypuss · 30/10/2021 02:38

@mineofuselessinformation

That Veet link had me almost wetting myself with laughter! 🤣

darkn · 30/10/2021 02:43

this may sound off topic but many years ago, I caught genital herpes. The doc put me on some medication that gave me severe diarrhea,i don't eat carrots but was passing plenty of carrot-like poos. They were orange and like pieces of carrot.

ChargingBuck · 30/10/2021 11:19

Thank you kindly @PumpkinsandTea ... sadly, no, just an easily-influenced random ... :)

PumpkinsandTea · 31/10/2021 01:22

@darkn

this may sound off topic but many years ago, I caught genital herpes. The doc put me on some medication that gave me severe diarrhea,i don't eat carrots but was passing plenty of carrot-like poos. They were orange and like pieces of carrot.
Did you really need to share that?
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