I’m turning into that parent over DDs name

[TheWrongSpelling]

My DDs name is Evelin*.

School, brownies and swimming all seem to manage to spell it wrong. We’ve had Evelyn, Evilyn, Evie, Eve, but never Evelin.

Her class teachers have admitted they have to “train” their brains to spell it right. She nearly had her badge book for rainbows and brownies written in the wrong spelling and school and swimming certificates come home with the wrong name on.

I email constantly (DD has some SN so it’s not just to do with her name) with the right spelling but nobody ever seems to get it, I think there’s been one none family member spell it right in all those years.

She’s 7 and starting to notice. I feel a right idiot correcting everyone all the time and like I’m making a thing out of it.

Oddly family always get it right even her great grandparents who have multiple great grandchildrens names to remember.

So am I that parent? And if so how can I stop being? I just want her name spelt right and her certificates in the right name.

*Not real name but very very similar.

And for context ExH chose her name not me, I asked if he wanted that spelling and he was certain he did.

Not surprised if you pick a name like that. Oh well that's life.

@StCharlotte

Her class teachers have admitted they have to “train” their brains to spell it right.

No, they have to "train" their brains to spell it wrong.

Exactly. This is the issue here. It's a fairly known name, we all revert to what is coming to us.

My son has a non-British name. It has never been spelt wrong because it's a very rare name that is spelt exactly how it sounds. I think this is easier for most than having to spell Olivia as Olyvia etc

Common* not coming 😆

You made up a different spelling of a name that exists and is known by people and then are offended that people spell it wrong? Unbelievable. Utterly ridiculous, you should have realised it would happen.

My son has a non-British name. It has never been spelt wrong because it's a very rare name that is spelt exactly how it sounds. I think this is easier for most than having to spell Olivia as Olyvia etc

Yes, if I don't know the name I'll check, but if it's a name I know, I'll spell it the way I know.

DS has a unique name so naturally people have trouble spelling it and pronouncing it, even though it’s quite simple... I don’t get pissed off I just correct them... some of his friends from school gave him a nickname he actually likes and one of his old teachers even lengthened it and still calls him that know when we see her at his sisters school. Just correct them, and if you have to keep correcting then that’s on them....

@EileenGC

Oddly enough, there are times when a teacher doesn't have a register to hand. In fact in many schools they don't exist other than on a computer somewhere, which a teacher won't have in their line of sight at all times.

I don't think school certificates are printed somewhere without access to a register.

The OP is selfish how? Wanting her DD's main teacher or school secretary to answer emails and print off diplomas with the correct name?

You've quoted me but under someone else's handle.

I've not said OP is being selfish. And I assumed the name on the certificates is handwritten. As a teacher (not secondary) I never used a computer to print a name on a certificate. I had a stash of certificates and wrote the names on (spelling them correctly, of course)

Even when we had book style registers, we only saw them for ten minutes twice a day. Then they lived in the school office, of course

You’re lucky you’re family spell her name correctly. My mil never spelled my dd’s name correctly and it wasn’t even an unusual name. Think like Claire (not actual name), she would spell it Clare, Clair, Clayre but never bloody Claire. It wasn’t even that she never saw my daughter, she saw her every week, but just didn’t listen when we told her that she had spelled the name wrong yet again. Drove me nuts!

I don't think this is just about it being an unusual spelling. I just think there are so many names, so many different versions, and lots of international names/variations that it's hard to know how to spell any name these days. I have a completely bog-standard name, popular, but always spelled one way up until about 10 years ago- now I get all kinds of versions, dropping the end letter and so on.

People spell both my children's names in a variety of ways.

In the past Sara/Sarah was controversial, now there are another 10 versions of every name, even common names (e.g. John can now be Jon, Harry, Hari, Harri, Haryee, ok I made that last one up).

There's just more versions of every name, not just the 'unique' ones and even people with very standard name which in the past would have never been misspelt are now all suffering the same fate!

I don't really mind, although I do take care myself to type the name exactly as the person signs it on their email when addressing students or colleagues.

For those saying it's OP's fault- it was mainly her ex's idea and we can't know people's ins and outs, he could've been controlling etc.

You have named her ‘Evelin with I-N at the end’ or ‘Evelin E-V-E-L-I-N’ as this is the reality of her giving her name when it’s unintuitively spelt.

The court papers for my grandson's adoption had the wrong spelling of his name. Hasty calls to get it corrected before the judge signed it

It's really not that big a deal.

I have a pretty normal first name, with one letter that is spelt differently. And an unusual surname that no-one can spell correctly first time.

I don't think I have a single certificate where both my first and surnames are spelled correctly.

My Mum chose to spell my first name that way so I blame her . Does it bother me? Well, only because my NHS number is linked to the incorrect spelling. At least it's correct on my passport.

I agree with others. If you choose an unusual spelling, you can't expect everyone to get it right, especially if it sounds exactly the same.

To answer your question, I am that parent and I do correct people on the spelling of my ds name.

It's an Irish first name and a slightly tricky Irish surname, but with only one 'correct' spelling for each. Even though we're in Ireland, people get one or both wrong all the time. I expect he will have to spell it out for the rest of his life like I do with both my names. I don't mind and he doesn't either. We've come up with a tip for the spelling of his first name, and to be fair most people consistently spell it correctly once we share it with them.

I do mention the spelling to teachers, and sometimes even volunteer leaders/coaches, because I don't expect them to pay attention to or remember what they saw on a form 6 months ago but I'd hope they'd take care if they knew it was important to him. And particularly for anything official. He really enjoys his sport and wants his full name spelled correctly in team listings and post-game reports.

The turning point for us was when his initials were totally incorrect on sports gear for his club (didn't know it was going to be personalised so didn't check). I'm not sure what word to use, but he was really dejected/disappointed that his kit for the next 2 years didn't represent his actual name, but he didn't want to make a fuss at the time. That changed my attitude to correcting the spelling.

Incidentally, I know an 'Evelyn' with an unusual spelling and unusual pronunciation and she always politely made sure her name was spelled/pronounced correctly.

This is why I cannot understand why people choose names for their children which will potentially cause a problem!

My last name is very similar to a common word. People misspell it
All. The. Time. It is always a pain. Why is it so difficult to take notice of spelling?

My dh has a perfectly normal name that his parents decided to make special by spelling differently, he still has to spell his name out, he hates it so much that he keeps saying he's going to get his name officially changed to the most common version!

I think you'll have to get over it and as my dh does, correct only when absolutely necessary because otherwise it's extremely tedious. At least it's only tedious for a little while for you though, soon you're dd will take over the task for life.

OP who has different name on passport and NHS, get it sorted as the covid passport would have the NHS version of your name and to use it to travel it has to be the same as your proper passport

Common names get jumbled.
Names get shortened/ lengthened.
Some people are dyslexic or just have a poor memory for names.
Some people are careless.

Chosing a unique spelling greatly increases the chances of people getting it wrong.

I used to teach secondary and sometimes had a KS3 only timetable of towards 300 different children in a week. The Louis/ Louis/ Louis day was fun having to remember the phonetic variations (It would have been simpler if one had been Lewis). I don't remember the more obscure variations that tended to defy the rules of grammar (Evelin wouldn't fit that, more like Evilein.) International names tended to be easier to pick up.

A secondary teacher will not get more than 38 hours with a pupil all year, probably closer to 35. I did supply so regularly had to learn entire new cohorts, rather than drip-learning in subsequent years.
(A primary teacher should be up to speed within a couple of weeks.)

I wanted to minimise the margin for error for my children so went traditional for familiar names of a strong default spelling and pronounciation. Just as well as DS1 is very dyslexic and would have struggled to learn an awkward variation and to correct others.

People should make a fair effort to learn a name, but some people don't and some people make honest errors. The choices are to tolerate it, patiently correct it or look into changing the name to solve most of the issue most of the time.

I have one of the most common names in the western world.

I have to spell it every. single. time.

Multiple spellings = having to spell it.

Constantly spelled wrong in emails etc.

It’s really not a big deal. It does not and has never troubled me.

It's because Evelyn is spelt Evelyn.

You chosen a name pronounced exactly the same but for reasons known only to your ex, decided you had to have a different spelling.

My name is Chloe. Except it's spelt Kalowwee. Because my parents wanted to be different. And now they've seen they may as well have called me Chloe because it's the automatic and obvious thing to do.

Disclaimer, my parents did not call me Kalowwee. Thank God.

Réception kid in my class had been taught to spell out their name for an unusual spelling. Clever mum.

If DD likes the way her name is spelt, you'll have to suck it up. It's just a name and she might change it herself when she's an adult. There are worse names than Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock. Praise her for helping other people learn how to spell her name; it shows she is a clever kid with great spelling skills. Quietly seethe on the inside so she doesn't know exactly how irritated you feel with all the adults who consistently fail to read the correct spelling when you've written it out a trillion times already.

If she doesn't like it, you can do a "trivial" correction via deed poll eg Eevee to Evie. (She'd need all parties with PR to consent if it was a full name change but I'm pretty sure 1 or 2 letters should only need 1 party with PR to act unilaterally - if your ex is determined to stand by his preferred spelling. Birth registration regrets - in any language - aren't exactly beyond uncommon. I strongly suspect Otilie, Otillie, Ottalie, and Otterly were all originally intended to be Ottilie. However, Otterly is really starting to grow on me!)

In the meantime, console or amuse yourself by browsing the ONS official baby name lists. I've just wasted a bunch of my time browsing the 2020 list for you. You might be interested to know there is a lot of Ev--- variants; at 18th position is Evie with 1793 baby girls and at joint 1397th is Eevee with 22 baby girls. There is a number of goddesses on the list but I'll do a shoutout for the least popular joint 5493rd - the fabulous Hecate with 3 baby girls. I'm a bit concerned that all the little Dua, Amen, and Heavenly girls will have a lot to live up to... I totally understand some parents are overjoyed to finally have a much longed-for baby, but, really? I'm sure they had their reasons though, so I hope those 2020 babies grow up to love their names. They're all just names; it's the kids who are important. :)

I have a totally normal name with an a/e variant and also two alternative but legitimate spellings and people spell it wrong all the time. It's annoying as fuck and I hate it.
For example (not my name):
Susannah
Suzannah
Suzanne
Zuzanna

Are all legit spellings and it's annoying when you're a Susannah and get Suzanne.

I think you should keep chasing it TBH. I tell my class that someone's name is part of their identity and getting it right is a basic level of respect that we should all expect. I tell them to correct me if I'm ever mistaken, with spelling or pronunciation.

I've taught Mohammads, Mohammeds, Mohammuds, Mohamads, Muhammads, Muhammeds... If I'm not sure how to spell a particular child's name, I ask or check on the system. I don't just go, 'Eh, that'll do!' and stick any old one down, and I can't believe people on here are defending that approach.