I’m turning into that parent over DDs name

[TheWrongSpelling]

My DDs name is Evelin*.

School, brownies and swimming all seem to manage to spell it wrong. We’ve had Evelyn, Evilyn, Evie, Eve, but never Evelin.

Her class teachers have admitted they have to “train” their brains to spell it right. She nearly had her badge book for rainbows and brownies written in the wrong spelling and school and swimming certificates come home with the wrong name on.

I email constantly (DD has some SN so it’s not just to do with her name) with the right spelling but nobody ever seems to get it, I think there’s been one none family member spell it right in all those years.

She’s 7 and starting to notice. I feel a right idiot correcting everyone all the time and like I’m making a thing out of it.

Oddly family always get it right even her great grandparents who have multiple great grandchildrens names to remember.

So am I that parent? And if so how can I stop being? I just want her name spelt right and her certificates in the right name.

*Not real name but very very similar.

And for context ExH chose her name not me, I asked if he wanted that spelling and he was certain he did.

I’ve literally had a class with an Amelia, Emelia, Emillia and an Amiliah . Yes it’s frustrating when you think the names not spelt ‘right’ but at the end of the day school at the very least should be getting it right, even if you spelled it Evvelyinnh (I’m not exaggerating with that spelling, had had all sorts of interesting ones and you just get used to it.)

@Clymene so because someone volunteers then it's a "get out of jail free" card for rudeness?

And FYI, I was a teacher for 10 years and despite being so busy I still made sure I spelt all names correctly.

If its common with lots of spellings then it's going to be hard for people

I teach the following variations and that's just over 7 classes this year alone.

Alicia (Aleeseya)
Alicia (Aleesha)
Alyssa (Alissa)
Elisa (Eleesa)
Aleasha

I think if you change the spelling of a name, you just have to accept that many people will get it wrong.

I have a friend with a daughter 'Allyce' (ffs). She changed her name to Alice when she was 18.

How is it pronounced?

The female Evelyn is said 'Evlin' as whereas the male Evelyn is 'Eevlin'

Hi folks

Can we be civil, please?

Mumsnet is here to make parents lives easier - so it's worth remembering that there's a real person on the other side of the screen.

I have an unusual name and within that, it also has an unusual spelling. That said the spelling is accurate for the part of the world that the name comes from, which is where my family are from. So, it's not an unusual name/unusual spelling for the sake of it. It is what it is.

Because of that, it's often misspelt and that's fine except when I have made it clear to the person spelling it what it should be. It was never misspelt at school and I do find that problematic because surely they should learn how to spell things being an institute of education! I've also been called the wrong name. A t put into it or an o where there should be an a. In the long-ago decades before Covid-19 was even a glint in some virus's little eye, I was even sometimes called Corona. Happy times.

I understand your frustration and the school really need to work harder at getting it right but you need to accept that throughout her life your daughter will have issues with people not being able to spell her name. My trick is to always say "I'll spell it for you" because without that no one ever gets it right. It doesn't exactly help that I have an unusual surname as well which is even unusual in the country it comes from, but that's a whole other story.

I have a fairly common name but there are various ways of spelling it, not many people get it right, I am 63 now and really don't let it bother me.

@NigellaSeed

I'd understand people getting it wrong the first time, or distant aquaintainces (spell argh!) Like nDN getting it wrong, but friends and the school should be putting in the effort to get it right, it's lazy and disrespectful

I couldn't agree more. It's absolute bullshit to tell OP their daughter should expect this for the rest of her life. There are many reasons names may be spelt differently, perhaps they are not British for starters. How bloody xenophobic to act like you can't learn to spell someone's name because it's too hard. Remembering how to spell the names of 30 pupils in your class takes so little time, it is laughable to suggest that is a reasonable excuse for OP's child having her name spelt incorrectly.

It's the German way of spelling it - and it's not THAT different. In fact it is only an i instead of a y in the more usual English Evelyn.

@NigellaSeed

It was her exH not the Op

... and she could've said no

It’s irritating. My DD has a name with 2 standard spellings (think Claire and Clare). If causal acquaintances get it wrong, I’m not bothered but there are still family members who cannot remember the correct spelling and she’s secondary age! I think it’s rude.

I have a unusual spelling of a name that everyone spells the more common way. Doesn't bother me. Never bothered me in school or college. But in work it does slightly irritate me. Like we're all adults spell my name correctly after all these years. Now if any asks my name I always spell it out to them and I always get told they have never spelt it like that before. Just one of them things.

I have a name that can be spelt at least 4 different ways, it used to drive me mad, you are always going to get this unfortunately

I don't think you can pin this on your ex. You agreed to the name.

Unfortunately, you've signed your daughter up for a lifetime of correcting people on how to say and spell her name.

You. made up a spelling, so unless she becomes famous and makes her version better known than others she;ll spend her days telling people how to spell/pronounce it.
DS has a uncommon spelling ( common in my country but not in England) first name, he's fine with correcting the spelling and pronounciation. I have a name with several spellings, so also used to it not always being right.

Oddly family always get it right even her great grandparents who have multiple great grandchildrens names to remember.

And teachers have between 30 and 300 names to remember and spell correctly, in a world where there are more and more 'different' spellings of standard names, plus lots of foreign names. Also my aunt has had 34 years to get my eldest's name right (think calling her Marie when her name is Maria) but she still doesn't.

Of course I'm not justifying a primary class teacher getting it wrong. My bugbear as a teacher in a very multi-cultural town, was colleagues mis-pronouncing childrens names. Especially as many of our children were either non-verbal or with restricted speech, so they couldn't correct us. The first thing I did when meeting parents was check how they pronounced and spelled their child's name. But to be fair, I had a max of ten in my class, not 30, or multiple classes of children for my subject.

Realistically she will always have to correct people. I get the Sara/Sarah thing going on, and my surname has an e on the end, where 90% of people with that surname don't. I've just learned to spell both out to people every time.

Your problem was picking a name which sounds like a more common UK name, people are going to automatically default to the UK name.
It isn't worth getting stressed over as long as your dd knows that they are talking about her.

I think if you choose to spell a name in an unique way you’ll just have to accept it will always need correcting. Her teachers should make an effort to learn the correct spelling, but there will be slip ups because people’s brains will always default to the usual spelling.

And teachers have between 30 and 300 names to remember and spell correctly

If only they had a handy checklist like a register.

When I was teaching in secondary school I taught over 200 children at any one time (not in the same class). Popular names often had many pronunciation and spelling variations so it was easy to confuse spellings. I did usually check the spelling of their name but I probably made mistakes. My name is often misspelt but it doesn’t bother me.

@SoupDragon

And teachers have between 30 and 300 names to remember and spell correctly

If only they had a handy checklist like a register.

Oddly enough, there are times when a teacher doesn't have a register to hand. In fact in many schools they don't exist other than on a computer somewhere, which a teacher won't have in their line of sight at all times.

And as I said, I'm not defending the class teacher at all. I was simply pointing out that OP's sentence about the GGPs having multiple names to remember was a bit illogical

@Foxyloxy1plus1

My name is uncommon, but not outlandish. It can end with ‘I’, ‘ie’ or ‘y’. Most people get it wrong, even when they can see I’ve written my name correctly. I long since stopped bothering.

It’s a bit different when you take a name that’s only known to be spelled one way and change it.

I too have a very unusual surname.My daughter has it pronounced wrongly all through school....on the last prize giving at sixth form, they still got it wrong!

[quote CuckooCall]@Clymene so because someone volunteers then it's a "get out of jail free" card for rudeness?

And FYI, I was a teacher for 10 years and despite being so busy I still made sure I spelt all names correctly.[/quote]
No, I don't believe I said that

I don't think anyone is being rude. But if you deliberately choose an unusual spelling for your child's name, you've got to expect that some people occasionally misspell it.

I have a child who has a name with 2 different spellings like Stephen/Steven. It often gets spelled wrong.

It really doesn't matter. He doesn't care and neither do I. It's not rude.