How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

I did put paragraphs in that but they've gone for some reason

Go on money saving expert debt boards and you can put in a statement of affairs. The posters on there will give you some great advice .

I recommend reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey, or listening to it on audible. It changed my life!

Hi, I am sorry you are finding things hard. You do have a lot of children so have some extra pressures!

I had a period of poverty, and managed to get through it by being extremely frugal. It was hard, but it becomes like a game. I used to spend time on the Money Saving Expert forums for company.

You need to track your money, do you have a spreadsheet? I built a weekly budget which showed money going in and bills going out so I could manage the scattered income. Also I used to take out our weekly budget in cash and not go over it.

How much are you spending on food?
How much are you buying clothes etc secondhand?
Do you spend on any treats? IF so, it sounds like they will have to go.

For Christmas, I had to go very charity shop + home made + experiences (again, home made ones!), it did work but obviously takes time.

Grocery shopping each week comes to around £100 but that includes formula, nappies and Toiletries, not just food. I meal plan so buy general stock items and things needed for breakfast and lunches and then only buy what we need for main meals. Very rarely any treats in the weekly shop. We don't really drink and don't smoke.

My older kids are FSM (applied long before DP and I were living together and it last for 5 years after application so I think they're coming to the last year of that). My youngest DD(4) has 15 hours free nursery hours and has packed lunch for that which is unavoidable and cheaper than nursery meals.

I will have a look at MSE.

I have an IVA also so don't have any longstanding debts that I have to pay anymore, only the IVA monthly amount. My ex was financially abusive and I ended up in a lot of debt when we were together and took out the iva when we split to help manage repayments as I was paying out £500 a month to the debtors. The iva reduced this to £90. And I can no longer apply for things on credit which is good. I can only have what I can afford to buy.

Can you work?

Also, DP and I have joint finances, joint account. Everything goes in and out of one account. So he isn't spending on ridiculous stuff that could go in the household pot.

It just feels like we're in that really tight bracket of people that earn enough to just about receive a bit of UC but not enough to live comfortably.

Even if I went back to work full time I couldn't earn as much as he does, I don't really have a skill or career as such and I have PND and don't feel in a good enough place to go back to work. DS is only 7 weeks old so early days for me.

Spreadsheets and planning are my advice

Income

Essential fixed expenses
eg rent/mortgage, council tax (make sure you ask for it to be split over 12 months not the standard 10)

Variable essential expenses
Food etc

Luxury expenses
Eg Netflix, mobile phone contracts

Other expenses
Clothes
Presents
Holidays etc

Then see what is left.

For budgeting for food I would suggest a monthly plan so you can bulk buy as much as possible, I'm guessing you know many food hacks with so many mouths to feed but mine in plenty of veg, lentils, beans and chickpeas are great for adding protein cheaply and always shop with a list and stick to it.

7 is a lot of mouths to feed, but when it comes to gifts use charity shops, hand me downs etc. Kids really need your time more than stuff

How old is your youngest Are you able to work part-time. Lots of vacancies posted for retail and hospitality where we live. Lots of driver vacancies too, if you can drive.

With 7 children, though, it’s probably always going to be tighter than it is for smaller families.

Time. Once your baby is old enough you will have to go to work. Your IVA will also expire at some point.
Being skint while children are small is hard but it shouldn't last forever. Is there anything you can do to earn extra cash on the side?

@Dntevenknowit

Can you work?

My DS is only 7 weeks old. I couldn't afford the nursery fees even if I felt mentally stable enough to go back to work. I have been referred to perinatal mental health team for PND/PNA

It sounds like you just need to a) make a really good budget and b) try to avoid buying anything new unless completely unavoidable. By 'just' I don;t mean it is easy, rather it sounds like you already do lots of things that you should be doing e.g. not buying on credit, bulk food shopping.

MSE will help you I am sure!

And of course you can not work with a 7 week old baby - for you with the PND referral.

Look up the budget mom on Facebook!! She's incredible!

I can drive yes. We have a car. Insurance is in DP name as he was cheaper than me.

I know it's all temporary and things will improve as the small kids get older, it just seems like such an uphill battle at the moment.

I've just downloaded a budget planner from MSE

A great way of saving money on your water bill is to only flush the loo for poos and if it's full of loo roll from wees! It takes 30l of water every time you flush. We saved a third on our water bill this way. Also try washing clothes on a lower heat, recently switched to 40 degrees (from 50). They wash well and it will reduce the electric bill. They didn't seem to wash properly at 30 though, so you'll have to experiment.

When you're shopping try to source different items where they're cheapest. You can get a large handwash for 50p from tesco essentials (basics?) range. Plus supersavers shops and the like tend to sell cheaper toiletries/kitchen products. Aldi and Lidl are of course the cheapest in general. There's also a new german market/ shop coming which is going to rival Aldi/Lidl for cheapness!

Liver (if you can stomach it!) is incredibly cheap and has almost all the vitamins and minerals your body needs. Aside from Vitamin D I think. Batch cooking can be cheaper, but am sure you already do that so don't want to teach you to suck eggs.

Do you write out your ingoings and outgoings every month? Recently started doing this and it means you don't go over.

Can't think of anything else so far.

Sell things on eBay, look up people per hour, do you have any skills you could freelance at night or when the baby is sleeping. Realistically the only way is to bring in more money if you cannot find any more ways to reduce your outgoings. There are definitely things you can do to fit your circumstances, just need to find the ones that work for you

I wasnt getting at you. Just asking a genuine question and regardless of 7 week old baby if I needed the cash I’d find a way even if you could work from home in evenings when partner is home or go out to work then.

Sorry to hear about your mental health but you didn’t mention this in your first post.

Check to see if there are any Mum2Mum Markets near you for cheap clothes. They should be back on now and are advertised on facebook. I got winter coats for a fiver and other cheap clothes there. Plus they sell toys too for presents etc? All the stuff is new or nearly new for a fraction of the price.

Charity shops are great for clothes too, they sometimes sell baby clothes in baskets for 50p or a £1. Went the other day and got a bag full of bargains for less than a fiver.

I would also look at the £10 a day thread, some of the ideas you could potentially do with a newborn. I did mystery shopping when mine were small for instance

For Christmas, many charity shops put things aside that will be nice for gifts, some brand new items.

Agree with anyone over 16 in the family that you won’t do presents this year, they will understand and maybe relieved themselves not to have to exchange unnecessary items this year!

Forensically examine every single outgoing. Use up every single bit of food in your cupboards / freezers (I’m always slightly embarrassed at how much food we hoard!).

If you have one, use your local food fridge service. This isn’t a food bank - it’s for anyone to go along and rescue food that would otherwise be chucked out.

If you haven’t already got one maybe start a school uniform swap service for the kids - many people can benefit esp re shoes that they grow out of before they run out of life

I wish you the best of luck - things will get better!

I have managed to be a sahm for the past few years by doing matched betting. You need to be organised and focused though, and have 20 quid to start off with. Look up team profit online or Facebook if you're interested.
This summer has been really tight for us, a few unexpected costs. I've started selling old clothes on vinted and have made a fair bit.

With 7dc and one income life will be hard.

Have a look through your last 3/6 months outgoings and see where your money goes. Can you make any savings?

I put a little aside in different pots; emergency (like your car), Christmas and birthdays, clothing and hair, food and fuel. Even if it’s ten pounds in some pots it’s something.
Every payday the money gets sent to each pot with only the bills left in the original account.

Not sure on IVAs but I have a debt agreement (exactly the same situation, with a tosspot ex) that adjusted when I went on maternity leave. I just gave my new income and they went back to the creditors and adjusted. It might be more set in stone then mine though.

I would also think that you might be entitled to food bank help, I think citizens advice can get you a referral?