How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

The OP has said several times now that 3 of the children do not live with them.

Yes but she also said that what her DP pays towards his three children cancels out what she receives from her ex to support her three children that do live with them.

Effectively this means that the 4 kids at home are being supported by her DP's single wage + UC. That is a very tough situation financially even if you're earning a lot. The only solution really is to increase household income to get more money coming in.

If you've always worked OP do you have a job to go back to, so you're on mat leave now? Are you getting mat pay?

Can your DP take on some extra work until you can find something when the baby is older?

Sounds tough

Don’t wait till nov/Dec to buy presents as that is when all the prices go up for Xmas. Look for things gradually throughout the year in sales.

In addition to what has already been said about charity shops, you can find a lot of good bargains on ‘like new’ items on places like eBay, Vinted, and Facebook Market Place. It’s also possible to make some extra cash selling no longer needed items on there if you can find the time with a baby. FB and Vinted have no sellers fees and you can do collection only on FB if u can’t afford upfront postage costs.

It’s also possible to find good bargains on baby stuff as a lot of mums will put things on there at a low price knowing that it might help out another mum.
Best of luck

Well most people aren’t trying to afford life with 7 children on one income.

Write down everything you spend over 2-3 months and then write a budget. Look at where you can make cuts.

Question whether you can actually afford to be a SAHM. Even on minimum wage paying a nursery place you should still be bringing home more than you are now.

I agree that you need to work on increasing your household income.

If you are not able to earn more than the cost of childcare then you need a job where your DH can do the childcare ie an evening or weekend job when DH is at home. A lot more jobs are now work at home since the pandemic so this might work for you.

Do you have any ideas for being self employed?

I think maybe OP you sound like your doing fine - if the kids are all fed like that thats whats important - I wonder if maybe your expectations are too high ? That living comfortably isnt having takeaway, spotify, designer trainers & tech, hairdressing - all these things are non essentials and all things lots of people wouldn't afford - we don't have any of these luxury extras and we only have two kids, so if you are fitting them in then its understandable where money is disappearing and where you can easily cut down on. I think maybe this thread will help you see that many people are in a similar boat with budget saving and your not alone. Its going to be a difficult winter for a lot alot of people, but in time when you can work again it will get better and then you can start on luxuries again? I think often social media or something raises expectations on how others live?

I don't know if you claim PIP but if you suffer from postnatal depression etc. it is worth a shot. The process is not easy and you may need or want suppport from MInd. The organisation. You can find the website.
I understand you can phone the DWP and do the application on the phone.

Sounds like you have medical evidence as you are having treatment at the moment.

tbh surprised you are not completely falling apart by now. Well done for holding down the day to day.

I think most people would struggle to support 7 children effectively on one wage, it sounds like you are doing great though so don't be too hard on yourself.

Meal plan, you can find some nearly new clothes and toys etc in charity shops- sell on when the youngest has outgrown clothes and toys, only drive and so use petrol when absolutely needed, look at what subscriptions you have and if there's any you can cancel.

Well the first thing you should do is stop beating yourself up. If you are keeping your heads above water, not accumulating debts and feeding and clothing the kids you are doing bloody well in my view!,

One thing I would stop doing immediately is buying new clothes to be honest, clothes for 7 children sounds pricey and unnecessary.

Our local area has a few clothes exchanges, you bring clothes you’ve outgrown and take whatever you want. It’s free and we can clothe our daughter quite happily in decent brands of clothing (Jojo, Boden, John Lewis, Joules) for completely free. People of all incomes use it because it’s great to reduce clothes waste.

If there isn’t anything like this buy bundles of second hand clothes, you could get a whole bundle of decent second hand children’s clothes for £5/10 on eBay and Facebook, quite often free.

We could buy all my daughters clothes new, she’s an only child and we both have decent jobs but it just seems entirely wasteful!

To be honest PND aside you need to be looking at working sorry - lots of restaurant and bar work available in the evenings and weekends these days - You need to be practical - you admit having a baby wasn't the best financial decision in hindsight. Sounds like you've already cut the necessities out so no amount of spreadsheets and budgeting is going to make as much difference as taking on a part time job will?

I agree Spiderina, OP youve got a 7 week old, you dont need all this worry your doing fine if the kids are fed, dont worry about Christmas, Christmas isnt about that, focus on you and your mental health so you can focus on your wee one and just dont spend anything non food till christmas and then see how you are doing.

For budgeting YNAB (You Need a Budget) is very good. You can do a 34 day free trial.

@hopelesslyhopeful87 I think some people are giving you an unnecessary hard time. One income and 7 kids is always going to be hard.

I think the best thing you can do is go through the bank with a fine tooth comb and look at exactly what is spent and then whether it is necessary.

I am a single mum with a mortgage (thanks to inheritance) and am on an ok wage (26k) but I still struggle and I only have dd and I to worry about. I get zero help from benefits other than child benefit which doesn't even cover a month of school dinners or wrap around clubs to allow me to work. Breakfast club alone is £25/week, £11/week in dinners because that way I know she has had a decent meal on days she goes to her dad's.

It is hard going but you will get there! With a 7 week old you need to cut yourself some slack and remember you are doing a full time job just being a mum!!!!

Have a look at the £10/day thread there are loads of ideas on there for well paying opinion surveys etc.

Can you maybe look at offering babysitting in the evenings when your dp is home?

What about cv writing or similar?

Maybe try to get work which covers the time when your DH is home? Part time bar work, cold calling jobs, cleaning. Advertise yourself for dog walking in your area? Great way for you and baby to get out in the fresh air too. Dog walkers round here advertise for £8.00 ph, which doesn’t sound much, but would add up if five days a week. And car boots are great for picking up bargains for Xmas. A lot of stuff sold is new (unwanted gifts) I bought six lovely children’s books at the weekend at one near here - five for less than a pound, excellent condition, for when my niece visits, and a couple of brand new Jack Wills body lotions for myself for a couple of pounds. There are bargains out there.

@HopelesslyHopeful87

I did used to freelance and used PPH in the past however my skill (audio transcription) is not something that I can do with a baby and a 4yo at home as it requires silence and my laptop is broken and I can't afford to repair it and I can't work doing that from my phone. I've looked at other work from home things and they all require a laptop and most things are customer service needing to make or receive phone calls which I can't commit to as the baby cries at various points on a regular basis 😂

I don't want to be one of those obstructive people shooting down every suggestion that someone makes, I'm genuinely explaining my reasons for not working currently. I have previously done something with a MLM to try and make some money but it was dire and won't do that again 😂

what about evenings and/or weekends when your husband is home to work? i used to work 6-10 at at supermarket. We would have about 2 minutes literally together before I went to work but it worked and provided income, discount on food shopping and some much needed adult time for me!

@nameswap48

The system is so crap.

You have 3 children, got into a relationship with a man with 3 children, then chose to have a 7th. I don't want a system that supports that kind of decision making! You need to take some ownership here.

Hey Priti, they're looking for you at the Gmex.

Hi @HopelesslyHopeful87 some of the comments on here have been disgraceful - it sounds like you are doing a great job and your kids have a fabulous , supportive family. I have lots of siblings and can say, the joy that your children give each other will be what they look back on and treasure in later life, not the luxuries you think they are missing out on now. Accept that things will be tight for the next couple of years and keep doing all the cost cutting you can now to keep your head above water. When you're feeling well again and your little one is older in a year or two, you can start to take on a regular income that will make all the difference to your finances. There are so many flexible work opportunities out there right now, never been a better time to WFH, or do evenings/weekends. And thank you to all the posters who have shared their frugal ideas, so many helpful tips here I'll be taking away.

Ultimately there are only two real levers - incoming and outgoing.

People have given great advice about controlling outgoing. So I would do that but also look closely as to what is going on - How can your family make most money? Realistically this is through your DP getting a better paid job, through over time, private work or you take on work when you wouldn’t need childcare eg weekends, evenings or overnights. Not now when baby is so tiny but you could start planning.

You can contact universal credit for them to help with the first payment for nursery. They have a fund specifically for this, I’m not sure if you have to be a single parent but that’s something to remember once you decide to go back to work.

Hi OP. I’ve just read the thread and I want to say, give yourself a break / be kind to yourself. I can’t really offer money saving advice because, like a lot of the posters here, I’ve never been in your situation. You have a tiny baby and have said you’re suffering with PND. You sound like you are doing the best you can for your children and you’re giving sensible answers to queries in your posts.

It’s easy to criticise when you haven’t walked in someone else’s shoes.

Focus on your plan for increasing income in the future once baby is a bit older, and take the sound advice from other posters, but please make sure you drown out the unhelpful posts about not having so many kids - what’s done is done.

Sending you unmumsnetty hugs.

Use all possible cashback options to get money back for everything you spend. Nectar, clubcard, topcashback etc.

If you shop on e bay you can get good deals plus you get nectar points and topcashback on one purchase.

I save/make a grand a year doing this easily and it's no extra effort, it is just money you would have spent anyway.

If I were in your position I'd go for some self-employed, flexible work e.g. advertise as being a cleaner / at home help with competitive rates. You can do a few hours on the weekend when your partner can look after the kids. Even a few hours will get some money in to begin with, and you can grow from there with referrals (I did something similar at university).

Likewise, babysitting around your partner's hours can also bring in money - I used to babysit whilst at uni on a Monday night (£25).

I also used to do Mystery Shopping, which didn't bring in a lot of money, but did make some off it. I got some free meals through it and some fun experiences (e.g. being paid to go bowling).

I also found 2.5 hour shifts at a local pub that I could do on evenings on weekends - manager just wanted help at peak times without paying for another full-time member of staff. In addition to the hourly rate, the tips were really good. Would definitely recommend you look around for something similar. There's no harm in asking, even if the answer is no!

I think you mentioned you used to do transcriptions? That's something that could definitely be worked around your partner's hours and I'm guessing has a better hourly rate than the suggestions I've made above. If you can borrow a laptop off a family member/friend for just the first months then you may be able to buy something cheaply for subsequent months. If you are worried about working flexibly (i.e. not to set hours by an employer) you can look at advertising your services through something like Fiverr so you can pick and choose your clients and your availability.

Rather than looking for 'a job', think about multiple small ways you can earn some cash flexibly. Then you can work around childcare/home life/your health. Ultimately, any experience you gain at this point will also reflect well in the future if you need to go into full-time employment.

I do think relying on one average income and UC is going to be extremely difficult in your situation even if you already are very frugal.

Sorry if this doesn’t help very much but I just wanted to say that I was in a position similar to yours for years and you’re not alone. I actually don’t think there are any magic budgeting wands you can wave because when it comes down to it you are doing everything you can but there is just not enough coming in to cover your (what sound like quite modest) outgoings. There is nothing wrong with your budgeting skills and it sounds like you’ve cutback everything you can. As the children get older, hopefully you will be able to go to work and this should help make things more manageable.

Also don’t be too proud to use foodbanks if it prevents you from falling into debt- lots of very hard working people have to use them to make ends meet unfortunately. I hope things get easier for you soon OP, please don’t blame yourself for finding things hard

Bloody hell you lot, claws off the OP.

OP, I think you're doing a brilliant job. I'd be half dead with tiredness raising all those children, washing, cooking etc., not to mention the budgeting. And the new baby.

It will get better, and loads of people are skint when DC are tiny. Breathe in and remember lentils will one day be a thing of the past.