How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

Once you feel ready to leave your baby for the day, get a part time job when your dp isn't working. It'll probably help your mental health and also bring in some extra money.

You have a lot of kids at 4 each, so tbh I think this choice is why it's hard to manage, I would stop now!

I pay for Christmas by putting some money away each week or month. When my DC was young (30 years ago) I remember saving £3 per week towards his Christmas and birthday. Then I upped it gradually to £50 and now £100 per month as circumstances have changed.

It sounds like you’re both doing the best job you can given the circumstances! I take my hat off to you 🙂

You mentioned your DP works full time. Apologies if I’ve missed this detail but what is his job? If I were in his position as the sole earner I would be looking at how I could upskill and earn as much as possible.

@cafesandbookshops

It sounds like you’re both doing the best job you can given the circumstances! I take my hat off to you 🙂

You mentioned your DP works full time. Apologies if I’ve missed this detail but what is his job? If I were in his position as the sole earner I would be looking at how I could upskill and earn as much as possible.

He pretty much does earn as much as he could in his profession in our locality. He's at the top end of the salary range for his work. He doesn't do shifts, he can't take on more shifts as there are none. He just works all the hours they are open. This is all potentially quite outing so I won't say what his job is but he is highly skilled and qualified and has been in his trade for 20+ years.

and right now there aren't many of us who aren't feeling the pinch whatever our circumstances.
The only bits I haven't seen suggested yet are:

Birthdays / Christmas - can you speak to family/friends that buy for your children and suggest items that you would need to buy at some point for them such as a coat / trainers rather than more plastic toys?
Also I use Shopmium and Checkoutsmart - basically they are apps that have various food items on them and if you buy them and upload your receipt you qualify for the offer - some are 50% off but I tend to only get the ones that are free :) It won't make a huge difference but again might mean that you have a few extra bits and pieces to stretch the weekly food budget. My referral code for Shopmium is ACMUMGUE .. even if you just refer your friends you can earn £3 for each one that joins. At the moment you get a free tube of pringles too when you join :)
Good luck, things will get easier for you xx

Not sure where the start of my post went, it should have said ...

Congratulations on your little one op, I think you are doing a great job in a difficult situation and am sorry for some of the negative posts that you've had on here :(

IME with little money and lots of kids (no judging it's my situation now and was growing up for a while too), that you can't really budget properly. What you have to do is prioritise constantly. For me, getting all the bills paid for, getting a big shop in and especially filling the cupboards and freezer when I can afford it, and then with what's left it's just having to work out Wether one kid needs shoes more than the other needs a coat, things like that. There are always going to be sacrifices and sometimes you have to wait a bit longer for things. But there is also a lot of fun in bigger families and I couldn't put a price on having siblings. A big family Christmas might have less presents per child, for example, but more fun together. It's about finding your own way to do things as well, like my kids are really good at crafting and painting and stuff like that, even though it drives me nuts they can get hours of fun out of the recycling! Our Halloween decorations will all be made that way, as will their outfits.

Life is what it is for now.
Things will get easier as the children get older.

For now, I think it would be wise to manage expectations when it comes to Christmas, birthdays, holidays, etc.

Keep life as simple as you can.

This will pass ❤️