How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

@Dntevenknowit

I wasnt getting at you. Just asking a genuine question and regardless of 7 week old baby if I needed the cash I’d find a way even if you could work from home in evenings when partner is home or go out to work then.

Sorry to hear about your mental health but you didn’t mention this in your first post.

I know you weren't getting at me. I only quoted your post as you were the only one that specifically asked about me working.

Seven children and one income is going to be almost impossible to be "comfortable". Do the other parents of your children contribute?

I don't think we would manage with 7 kids either tbh. But we both have "side hustles" outside our normal jobs.

We both buy and sell on Amazon & Facebook marketplace but if that is quiet OH delivers for just eat/Uber he can make up to £100 on a good evening.

We couldn't just rely on wages/UC definitely have to have a side earner.

It is always going to be a struggle to support 7 children on one wage unless you are a very high earner. I don’t think there’s going to be much you can do to suddenly feel comfortable. It sounds like you’re managing and that’s probably the best you can hope for.

I did used to freelance and used PPH in the past however my skill (audio transcription) is not something that I can do with a baby and a 4yo at home as it requires silence and my laptop is broken and I can't afford to repair it and I can't work doing that from my phone. I've looked at other work from home things and they all require a laptop and most things are customer service needing to make or receive phone calls which I can't commit to as the baby cries at various points on a regular basis 😂

I don't want to be one of those obstructive people shooting down every suggestion that someone makes, I'm genuinely explaining my reasons for not working currently. I have previously done something with a MLM to try and make some money but it was dire and won't do that again 😂

DPs children don't live with us. Sorry I should have specified that. They live with their mum and DP pays maintenance monthly. My ex pays maintenance for my kids too also but they're pretty much the same amount so cancel each other out.

@Janaih

I have managed to be a sahm for the past few years by doing matched betting. You need to be organised and focused though, and have 20 quid to start off with. Look up team profit online or Facebook if you're interested. This summer has been really tight for us, a few unexpected costs. I've started selling old clothes on vinted and have made a fair bit.

I did MB through TP and made quite a bit from that a couple of years ago but the reload offers dried up quickly and weren't of the biggest value. Then I restarted it using DP details and started again and also moved to casino. Made about £3k in 3 months but again I do find it has a limited lifespan with regards the reloads. Its definitely a brilliant way to make money quickly though so if anyone else reads this give it a try!

I wish I could start again from scratch but the ID checks mean we can't have any more accounts opened on this address and I can't multiaccount in someone else's name as I found they started asking for photos holding ID and I couldn't get around that one!

Make a budget stick to it. Kids don't need a lot for Christmas, long as they have a magical day they won't care. Just get a few gifts something to read, something to wear and something to play with then crack out the board games and keep them entertained that way. You don't need to get presents for the baby they won't have a clue.
EBay is good for second hand toys and clothes, just don't stick your bid in till the last minute so you have a better chance of winning and it's cheaper.
EBay is also good for selling, go through your home if you haven't used it in 6 months and it's not needed sell it.

Flame me all you like but you've got 7 kids. That's your money put right there. I've got two and we are relatively high earners. If we had 7 everything would be stripped back to pretty much nothing.

@idontlikealdi

Flame me all you like but you've got 7 kids. That's your money put right there. I've got two and we are relatively high earners. If we had 7 everything would be stripped back to pretty much nothing.

Really insightful comment here

Are you suggesting she cut the number of kids somehow?

@Eeve

Seven children and one income is going to be almost impossible to be "comfortable". Do the other parents of your children contribute?

Exactly this.

Of course not @rrhuth but seven kids are not cheap, seven kids on one income topped up with UC is never going to be easy no matter how much you budget.

Its bloody difficult @HopelesslyHopeful87

My reloads are drying up too, I'm starting to look for a proper job now.

I would look into whether you'd actually be better off financially as a single parent.

I suppose write everything down you spend. and look what can be cut from that.

tips from our saving:

layers, lots of layers instead of heating (but not so good when you have a baby) and blankets
wear clothes more than once and wash less often.

insulate the house. (try old school tights stuffed with more old school tights as a draught excluder. they fucking breed llike wire coathanggers and I only have one girl)
in summer I pinned up an old sheet/duvet cover between the windows and the blinds to insulate. (pretty cheap in a charity shop)
buying when offers are on. (but you need a bit of a float to be able to buy like this, so also difficult if things are really tight)
do you have a garden you can grow anything in in summer? you really need some soil rather than pots as the compost is so expensive

went more veggie so lentils in stead of beef. (red as they cook quickest and use less fuel. )
batch cook and freeze, then microwave to save fuel. (deforst during the day in the fridge.
I only like kellogs cornflakes so swapped to a generic of a different cereal which i did like rather than suffer shitty cornflakes.
making reusable sanitary wear. (but not if it cost more to wash)
bbeing able to sew to take down hems and mend.
stop boiling more water than you need in the kettle/put any spare in a flasjk.
turn everything off at the plugs not on standby.
iron less.
empty the car of extraneous crap so that you use less petrol. (my personal failing)

Honestly OP i think you'll just have to try the best you can until you can get back to work (congrats on new baby by the way).

You have a lovely big family but I'm sure you realised life would be a struggle on universal credit with so many dependants.

Good luck.

I use an app called You Need a Budget. Really helped me see where my money was going and to be more mindful about spending. I went from living permanently in my overdraft to being comfortably in the black within a couple of months.

Every year, haggle down the premium on car, home, whatever else insurance. Switch providers. Contact your WiFi and threaten to leave unless they cut the price. Works almost all the time and it's important never to miss a year so your baseline point to bargain from doesn't go up

Temporarily it will be tough, but once you feel better id look at supermarket evening work so you don’t have to pay for childcare. (Provided your DP works 9-5 type hours!).

Can I ask what has changed in your financial situation that means things are even tighter? Or is it just the cost of living stuff?

Look at going to the market or green grocers for fruit and veg, it’s about 50% cheaper than the supermarket and lasts longer.

Could your DP do some evening work? I know it’ll be shit and hard but even 8 hours a week at a supermarket or delivering takeaways would help.

Sell anything the kids don’t use on FB marketplace. No selling fees and set it as collection only so you don’t have to post/deliver. Also start scouring it now for Christmas presents. A lot of people (me included!) are clearing out now ahead of Christmas.

Try turning your heating down a bit or being more frugal with having it on. Also make sure the kids aren’t leaving things on/plugged in.

If you’ve got sky etc consider getting rid.

Look at phone contracts and see if you can move to sim only

My husband and I have a monthly finance meeting. It allows us to see exactly what’s coming in/going out. We update what’s on the credit cards and when 0% deals are coming to an end so we can transfer if required. We know what the minimum payment is for debts and pay that and work out what we can pay extra which obviously varies. We try to have at least a couple of easy meals in the freezer at all times so that could be a batch cooked chilli or some chicken Kiev’s. It stops is being tempted by takeaways that haven’t been budgeted for. DH and DSS are going to Harry Potter studios this month so we’ve budgeted enough for them to each have a wand as they’re each avid collectors 😂 Life’s too short to not have any treats.

Just to be clear, I don't have 7 kids.

I fell in love with my DP knowing he had 3 kids that he is financially responsible for. I can't help that.

Yes I would probably be financially better off as a single parent but I'm not about to separate from my partner and kick him out for an extra few hundred quid a month. I'm also not about to commit benefit fraud and claim I'm single when I'm not. A lot of people do this and it boils my piss. There are people I know fiddling the system and affording lots of luxuries we can't have because we do things by the book and I have a conscience.

I do have a fair few things listed on fb marketplace and often have a clear out. I've just recently listed all my maternity clothes but they don't seem to be shifting. But yes this is something I do regularly. Phone contracts are still in contract so can't cancel them this year. We don't have sky. I cancelled Spotify last year as it was a luxury we didn't need.

@idontlikealdi bit late now for that isn't it? Not like she can take the kids back to the hospital and leave them there.

I don't think any amount of budgeting is going to make you comfortable with that number of children to support and only one income plus UC, a 7 week old and a 4 yo at home. We had to save for a year to afford each of my mat leaves and it was tough, and I had mat pay from a job as well. I only have 2 kids and the increase in cost of living right now is eye watering. I really feel for you.

I don't want to be all "tough love" but I think both you and your DP need to get more income coming in, in any way you can - second job for your DP, job for you, working opposite shifts if you need to cover childcare. The industries crying out for workers right now are hospitality, hotels, care homes, agriculture, personal care - even one shift a week evenings/weekends while your DP is home with the baby is a bit of money coming in and a step towards financial independence for you as well.

It's so so hard and your kids are at just the "wrong" ages as well with the expense of childcare. Are you claiming everything you possibly can? Would your health visitor be able to help out with vouchers for food or a referral to a food bank? When is the 4yo starting school?

What about child minding from home? Get to have your own kids and you get to make some money watching other peoples kids.