How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

Yes I'm on a meter and I'm on the thing where they reduce it if youre on uc. I forget what it's called off the top of my head

Hire all your kids out for the local pantomime. The pay rates per dwarf are quite good. Hi Ho!

Like OP the kids get more than rice, mums have always prioritised the kids, they get the fruit!but its blackberry season where we are!

Also- someone else said can you cut down washing? that helps on bills in the long term. and is better for the planet so totally socially acceptable. put on short wash if you dont already and only wash is visibly dirty. And please ignore the dicks on here.

I dont get you saying you we’re better off being single.
I am a single parent to 2 dc one with SN work full time and I was definitely better off being part of a couple

Sounds stupid but I saved loads of money and paid off debts when I just bought what I needed, rather than what I wanted.

Little changes can make a big difference.

You need a telly not an accountant

@HopelesslyHopeful87

4yo is starting next Sept, 2022.

Life was easy when it was just me and the kids. Why are mums financially better off single? The system is so crap.

DP can, and does, do some private jobs which helps from time to time but it's only now and again.

I've reactivated my PPH account and I'll see if I can borrow a laptop to try and get some transcription work to do when DP is here to keep baby quiet.

I've done the budgeting thing on MSE and it shows we do have spare money each month so I need to look closely at the bank for the last few months and see where its going. Quick trips to the shop for extra bits and the odd takeaway is probably where it's going so we can be more strict.

Feel proper shit now though. Feel like you all think I'm a benefit scrounger with 7 kids and that's not the case. I've always worked up until last year when we lost our baby.

I don't think you are a scrounger at all, just someone who is going through a very difficult time at the moment.

Ignore all the nasty, unkind remarks and take hope from those with helpful suggestions and advice.

Firstly I wanted to say frankly I think you're doing amazing under very difficult circumstances my heart goes out to you

Normally I come on a budget thread easily able to point out areas where cuts to outgoings can be made but I suspect you could teach me a thing or 2!

So my only comments are:

Are you seeking out/making the most of discounts, voucher codes, loyalty points etc? Mse site very good on this stuff

What about babysitting? You clearly have a lot of experience with children and if you could work it around dps hours it could bring in a little extra?

If you could manage the initial outlay and have the skill could making small gifts from home be a possibility? Just thinking in the run up to Christmas people are often looking for personalised/individual items

Finally, depends on how your assessment goes and I actually hope this isn't going to be the case for your sake BUT if the pnd/health issues are likely to last a year or more you may be eligible for pip and possibly even for disability levels of uc (I'm on legacy benefits so I'm not totally sure how it works on uc as yet - thankfully - I get Esa and pip for a combination of health issues inc severe ocd) as I say I hope you'll be doing much better sooner but it may be something to bear in mind, you've been through a lot!

are you sure you're getting/accessing all the help you're eligible for? It's not just the uc itself but uc/benefits generally act as a gateway to other help.

There might also be charitable grants and similar help available in your area.

I've learned the hard way to get help from my local welfare rights office within the council (sometimes the relevant dept is called something else) mainly help with completing forms but the lady that helps me also keeps me up to date with other help that's available. Eg she pointed out that as I am on higher rate pip I am eligible for disability railcard. But actually way back when I didn't even know I could apply for DLA (which then became pip) I was totally clueless! I've heard they can help out with getting help to get that first month of childcare sorted too but I've a worrying feeling that may be just a Scotland thing - but it certainly can't hurt to ask! They really know their stuff and are super helpful.

All the little bits and pieces add up.

I wish I could make it easier for you, I've been where you are and worse! Going without food so dd would eat etc. It sucks! But hopefully it's really not for long.

I hope any of my ideas might be a little useful

Some very harsh comments on this thread. I'm sorry to hear of everything you've been through. I also know how difficult it can be to get help with anything related to mental health (way before covid) so I feel for you and no judgement from me at all, you need to look after yourself, we are not machines!

I dont have many practical suggestions as they've mostly been mentioned. I found making a list helped, I knew my budget, knew the prices of different items in different shops and planned for the week, that way there's no nipping out to B & M and being tempted. I shopped on a Friday and that was it.
I'm on a water meter and on my suppliers website there is an option for a free water saving pack with bits and bobs you can pop into the loo etc. Not sure they all do them but worth a look.
If you haven't already, get a nectar card, you can save points and convert them into vouchers to use on ebay.
Same applies to a Tesco clubcard, you'll get some items cheaper, also you can send printer cartridges to be recycled and they will send you money off vouchers.
Some supermarkets also have a reduced section which can actually be cheaper than Aldi. About 6pm I think, you'll need freezer space but there's some bargains to be had, meat, fish, veg. For toiletries i'd always go to B & M anyway, (but stick to the list!) much cheaper than a supermarket.
You may also be eligible for the Warm Home Scheme, i'm not sure on the criteria.
Small savings but they do add up. Hope things get better for you.

Respect to you OP, in that you've recognised you have a problem and politely asked for some ideas. Hive knowledge is a wonderful thing! You've had some great suggestions and it sounds like you're doing a lot of things right already.

In the short term I'm sure there are some small things you can do that will add up, and for the long term I'd start thinking and planning to get back into proper employment. It will give you something to work towards.

Do go to moneysavingexpert, loads of really helpful advice on the forums.

I would strongly recommend you check out Olio in your area and see if people are doing food collections from supermarkets and offering things free. ( It's not a charity thing, it's to stop food going into landfill). If no-one is, why not volunteer? DD used to go to local Tesco and collect a load of food on a Friday night, was allowed to keep 10% and listed the rest for collection. Some weeks there was loads! If you have room you could see if anyone's listing a spare freezer on freecycle to help with storage to max out the benefit.

Also I second going shopping towards the end of the day to get the bargains.

Can phone costs be cut now/ in future? It's often an area where it's easy to spend more than we need to, I have a brilliant sim only deal for £6 a month with Tesco mobile.

If there's a local dog needs walking it wouldn't take too much out your day, would get you out the house and could net you £50 a week.

You could enrol in your local library, loads of books, talking books and other entertainment options for free.

You clearly have a good attitude and you'll be ok. The best of luck to you, 💐

First off OP you have had a hard time, so sorry for that. You need an action plan for going forward, BUT I think you need to be realistic - unless you both become high earners you aren't going to ever be 'comfortable' with 7 dc between you. They get more expensive as they get older, that is just the way it is.
You need to look at how you can top up your income without incurring (or at least minimizing) childcare costs. A friend of mine does care work, up to 16 hours a week by doing the bed shift. Her DH is home from work by that stage, so he looks after the dc. She can also do weekend work during the day when he is at home if she wants. They are crying out for care workers across the country and training is usually only a few days on zoom. Would you consider something like that?
Failing that your DP could get some extra hours delivery driving or something similar. I know a lot of people who do this to supplement income and they can do quite well.
You'll have to speak openly to the dc and explain money us very tight so birthdays/Xmas will be a simple affair. You can make it more about family time/the experience rather than presents.
All the best OP X

Best of luck OP and I hope some of the practical, helpful advice here helps.

Ignore the comments about the size of your family and demands that you return to work. MN is an alternative universe where it is fine to leave a newborn at home and take any low paying job, even at the cost of your mental and physical health.

All this competitive “I left my baby when she was 2 minutes old and juggled 3 jobs to survive so you can too” is nonsense. If some people wish to that kind of thing then fine but please don’t berate others who don’t wish to do the same.

The OP asked for budgeting advice not guidance on how to juggle caring for a 7 week old whilst carrying out cleaning jobs in the evening (how is that even a thing).

@RandomMess

I found out very recently that water meter bills are capped if you have DC and receive UC - had to really look for it on the website and you have to ask for it to be applied to your account.

Obviously the youngest 2 of your DC don't need much or new things for Christmas but that doesn't solve the day to day costs.

Menu planning to the nth degree and swapping down for everything you buy.

Have you got the Olio app to get free food locally?

Don't assume Aldi or Lidl are the cheapest for all food it's not always. DH earned money doing surveys on swag bucks in Amazon vouchers.

Our DC only ever got 2nd hand clothes when we were broke.

It's really tough as living costs have really gone up over the last few years.

Don't forget about food banks if you have a particularly tough week or two.

@RandomMess would it be possible to link where you found about the capped water bills if at all possible please? It could really help some people

Capped water bill information is for each different water supplier so it's a case of digging around your own supplier website.

@Eastie77Returns

Best of luck OP and I hope some of the practical, helpful advice here helps.

Ignore the comments about the size of your family and demands that you return to work. MN is an alternative universe where it is fine to leave a newborn at home and take any low paying job, even at the cost of your mental and physical health.

All this competitive “I left my baby when she was 2 minutes old and juggled 3 jobs to survive so you can too” is nonsense. If some people wish to that kind of thing then fine but please don’t berate others who don’t wish to do the same.

The OP asked for budgeting advice not guidance on how to juggle caring for a 7 week old whilst carrying out cleaning jobs in the evening (how is that even a thing).

Yes I agree with a lot of this.

While I think the OP getting back to work is the only long term way to change things, her baby is only 7 weeks and needs her. The focus should be on the OP getting better mentally so that she is strong enough to think about work down the line.

Just to say - evening cleaning jobs definitely are a thing! My lovely mum used to do some when I was young. She often took me with her (it was the 80’s 😂). Mostly offices.

kerikeri sorry my post was unclear, definitely understand evening jobs are a thing (my mum did this too!). I was just mystified by some suggestions e.g. that the OP could take her 7 week old with her whilst doing an evening cleaning job and breastfeed her during work intervals. I was exhausted in the early weeks after both my DC were born and can't imagine doing this.

I understand it could be feasible with an older child.

@Eastie77Returns

kerikeri sorry my post was unclear, definitely understand evening jobs are a thing (my mum did this too!). I was just mystified by some suggestions e.g. that the OP could take her 7 week old with her whilst doing an evening cleaning job and breastfeed her during work intervals. I was exhausted in the early weeks after both my DC were born and can't imagine doing this. I understand it could be feasible with an older child.

Yes there is no way I could have cleaned or done work like that at 7 weeks!!

@Eastie77Returns

kerikeri sorry my post was unclear, definitely understand evening jobs are a thing (my mum did this too!). I was just mystified by some suggestions e.g. that the OP could take her 7 week old with her whilst doing an evening cleaning job and breastfeed her during work intervals. I was exhausted in the early weeks after both my DC were born and can't imagine doing this. I understand it could be feasible with an older child.

To be fair, the OP only mentions formula so it doesn't look like breastfeeding is an obstacle in this scenario + most people were suggesting flexible, hourly/part-time jobs that could be worked around her partner's hours without requiring external childcare or OP overstretching herself.

I think for some of us, it's hard to imagine ourselves in OP's shoes - I've always done everything I can to be financially independent, including working multiple jobs on top of a fulltime job (working 15+ hours a day including weekends at times) just to avoid ending up in a scenario like this (and before someone mentions mental health, I was doing this during the peak of my depression and anxiety).

Even with a 7 week baby, I know I would prefer to pick up some cleaning hours than to budget to the point where nothing else can be cut back - by the looks of things OP is doing everything perfectly as far as budgeting is concerned, thus her only option is to generate income if she wants to improve her circumstances.

I agree with other posters that eventually increasing your income would help (not right now with a 7 week old baby though!). Bookkeeping is flexible in terms of hours, pays well and can be done entirely from home. Might be worth looking into? More immediately, could your DH take a food delivery shift? The curry houses round here are always looking for drivers on a Fri / Sat night.

I think the reference to evening cleaning jobs was my post...and I say it having absolutely walked in the OP's shoes. My baby was less than 3 months old, I had post partum psychosis and we had bailiffs at the door. There was no other option - Lose the house, starve or both. My evening cleaning clawed us out of a very dark place. It was not meant to sound like Poverty Top Trumps but a valid suggestion that the OP may like to consider.
It sounds like the OP has exhausted every option, her recourse is to bring in more income as there is no more cloth to cut. Things are sadly only going to get worse with the hike in bills and cuts to UC.

Why are mums financially better off single? The system is so crap

Not sure they are as theres only one salary vs the option of two.

Unless you mean more state help but the responsibility should lie with the parents not others surely.

Seven children to financially support and only one salary was always going to be tricky if not an extremely high earner.

Single mums are better on on benefits than a SAHM with a low earning partner. The former gets rent, council tax paid, FSM etc and other 'perks'. I assume even when the OP worked it wasn't FT as she still got FSM, so she feels very trapped now. Many couples make the decision not to move in together as they will be worse off financially.

Perhaps single parents are just better off working full stop. Millions of us do it year in year out. Despite working full time we live on a very tight budget having been left with considerable marital debt run up by exh. Being a SAHP is a luxury that I cannot afford.
Op there are plenty of free online courses that you could complete while your dh looks after the dc which would increase your opportunity to be less dependent on benefits.

When my kids were young I did mystery shopping. It’s not much money but you get free stuff and can do it with kids. There’s also lots of freelance work you can do from home in your own time- wages aren’t amazing but it is money coming in.

I know how you feel though, people keep on growing and needing stuff and life can be a struggle.

My tips on saving are to bulk buy, use spices to make the food tastier and more satisfying so that you can use lots of rice/pasta etc. Separate wants from needs and squirrel away a pound here and there for unexpected expenses. Do free stuff- parks playgroups, seeing friends as much as possible. Can your dp pick up an extra shift or two?