How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

I know people often suggest, and it isn’t just an easy solution, but have you looked into childminding?
If you looked at completing all the paperwork, and courses needed like first aid etc over the next 6-12 months. Then you could do it whilst looking after your own youngest too in a years time.
I’m not sure all the ins and outs and current regulations though.

When we went through a really tough period financially I became great at finding bargains. Everything we had was secondhand, good quality, but a mega bargain. If you can commit time to hunting on Facebook marketplace, eBay and Gumtree you can get amazing bargains. Although kids school shoes are cheapest at charity shops I've found.

Scope often has £1 charity shops, where everything is a £1 and kids clothes are 2 for £1. If you can check a few times a week, you should be able to kit out all the kids from there with nice stuff. Baby clothes bundles are brilliant value usually.

Energy bills are a tough one right now, I used to help people reduce energy bills in a job I had, the advice might be outdated now, but slow cookers are the most energy efficient way to cook. Bleed all your radiators. Standby and chargers that are plugged in will use electricity even if not charging. It does really add up. Don't open your curtains till an hour after the heating is on in a morning, especially if the radiators are winder windows. Tuck curtains behind the radiators if they're under windows. Tape foil behind radiators to reflect heat back into the house. It's all common sense, but easily overlooked. Being poor is hard work and exhausting though.

@hopelesslyhopeful87 if your clothes are not selling on Marketplace and are in very good condition, you can sell them to Zalando. They take most brands ( no primark and H&M though). You don't get money back but you do get credit to spend on their online store, its not much but you can send 20 items a time to them and they pay for postage and you can use the credit to buy stuff you need

Oh and the best job I found for working around a young family is working with leisure centres to run kids birthday parties, softplay sessions and club coaching. It's as hoc, two hour blocks during evenings and weekends. You can continue breastfeeding around it if you are and work around a partners 9 to 5 hours. I started it when my baby was 6 months and it was exhausting, but made a huge difference.

4yo is starting next Sept, 2022.

Life was easy when it was just me and the kids. Why are mums financially better off single? The system is so crap.

DP can, and does, do some private jobs which helps from time to time but it's only now and again.

I've reactivated my PPH account and I'll see if I can borrow a laptop to try and get some transcription work to do when DP is here to keep baby quiet.

I've done the budgeting thing on MSE and it shows we do have spare money each month so I need to look closely at the bank for the last few months and see where its going. Quick trips to the shop for extra bits and the odd takeaway is probably where it's going so we can be more strict.

Feel proper shit now though. Feel like you all think I'm a benefit scrounger with 7 kids and that's not the case. I've always worked up until last year when we lost our baby.

Some ideas for a bit of pocket money:
-dog walking
-looking after a pet at you home for people who are away
-looking after a child at your home for an afternoon/evening (parents drop their child at your house and go for dinner etc)
-doing school drop offs/ pick ups
-a local house cleaning job on a weekend or evening when partner is at home and can look after the kids

I think this is probably a case of getting you to the point where you can get a job that works around your DP's hours.

Use charity shops for Xmas and birthdays and set a really strict budget for them.

Can your DP do Uber, delivery driving or similar after work until you're fit to work again?

There are a few Facebook pages called something like "feed your family for around £20 a week" which have good tips for how to get reduced bargains.

Budget, budget, budget. I list everything and I mean everything even down to hair cuts and clothes. Add it all up for the year and divide it by 12 (I'm paid monthly).

I then put amounts into various accounts and it slowly builds up so no nasty shocks at any point. It takes 12 months to build up, but once you're there is works well.

I'm a single parent to two children.

OP - how much extra per week or month would make a difference? £10 a week? £20?

If you can look at what really would keep the wolf from the door, you can look at ways to make just a very small amount.

For example, when I was on mat leave and money was tight, I started buying clothes from eBay. I'd be looking for good quality items that were badly photographed or ended at weird times (3am while I was breastfeeding...) I'd buy them - most went for 99p - then rephotograph them and make sure the bidding always ended at optimum times (I think 8pm on a Sunday night is supposed to be the best). Granted, I only made a few £££ per item but I ended up £100 better off most months.

It’s going to be tight. You have 7 kids and one wage.

Good luck.

I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us.

This is your problem. One income plus 7 kids (albeit some part time) is going to mean you struggle unless your partner earns an absolute fortune.

If I were you I'd:

1. Not have any more kids. Get your tubes tied/ vasectomy!

1. Make a 4 year plan so that when your youngest is at school you get into a good Career that earns significant money. This will probably involve training and work experience which is why you should think about it now.

For now, reduce your expenses as much as possible, keep calm and carry on.

When you have to take out debt, try and get the lowest interest rate possible- 0% credit card or low rate interest loan.

The system is so crap.

You have 3 children, got into a relationship with a man with 3 children, then chose to have a 7th. I don't want a system that supports that kind of decision making! You need to take some ownership here.

@HopelesslyHopeful87

4yo is starting next Sept, 2022.

Life was easy when it was just me and the kids. Why are mums financially better off single? The system is so crap.

DP can, and does, do some private jobs which helps from time to time but it's only now and again.

I've reactivated my PPH account and I'll see if I can borrow a laptop to try and get some transcription work to do when DP is here to keep baby quiet.

I've done the budgeting thing on MSE and it shows we do have spare money each month so I need to look closely at the bank for the last few months and see where its going. Quick trips to the shop for extra bits and the odd takeaway is probably where it's going so we can be more strict.

Feel proper shit now though. Feel like you all think I'm a benefit scrounger with 7 kids and that's not the case. I've always worked up until last year when we lost our baby.

The system is crap? I think you've got a bit of a cheek to be honest. Are you saying the system which gives you free money to support all the children you decided to have isn't good enough for you?

Have you checked to see if you’re entitled to maternity allowance or a sure start grant?

I don’t use marketplace but I sell my kids outgrown stuff on eBay which helps pay for the next size up which I mainly get on eBay. Even stained clothes are good as long as you list it as such as ‘play wear’.

I’d really recommend using Chip. It takes little bits of money out of your account that you wouldn’t notice and pays 1.25% interest on it which could help with Christmas or surprise expenses.

FWIW I don’t think you’re a benefit scrounger, and I’m sorry for your loss last year 💐

Things will get better financially once you’re able to get back to work, it’s just a matter of holding on until then I guess!

What’s changed money wise between 2020 and now?

Feeling really overwhelmed and stressed is understandable given the circumstances. Luckily, there's ways to change how things are, and although there's no magic fairy who can wave her wand and make everything sort itself out. You can lay out what you're prepared to do, and based on what the consequences of those are, find out what the best option is, even if it's difficult.

Part of being a parent is making responsible choices in the best interest of any children. As it is, you don't have the resources to provide any quality of life for them,especially as you've got insufficient income and can't work. £100 a week, assuming £10 on formula and £10 on nappies is £80, so less than £10 per person per week on food for growing children who need extra nutrition. With the cost of everything these days, I assume you're not meeting their basic needs. correct me if I'm wrong.

I buy a lot of stuff on ebay OP, even for gifts you can often find stuff nearly new in it's box. If you have younger children then they really won't notice or care if gifts and clothes are second hand. You should also look on ebay and olio right after Christmas this year to grab the unwanted gifts people are selling/giving away for next year. Saving from January is great but the earlier you start actually buying stuff, the less likely it is that you'll suddenly be left with nothing when the car breaks. You still need to save for when the car breaks of course but if you can put say £10-£20 a month into getting ebay bargains then that will help for next year. I'm assuming of course that you have £20 spare a month after saving and also somewhere to store it, which may well not be the case. We used to be in a similar situation because our first baby was a surprise when we were both unemployed, then our second was planned but my dp lost his job half way through the pregnancy, so the first few years were really rough for us and we often went hungry to afford basics like nappies. Make sure you have a points card for every shop that offers one and collect every point you can. The year my dp lost his job I got all my Christmas gifts with just my Nectar and Boots card points. Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with over the last few years so go easy on yourself, Christmas doesn't have to have lots of gifts to be a lovely day, and it's not the end of the world if it falls short of how you wish it was. In years to come your kids will be more grateful to you for prioritising food and rent than they will be for a big pile of presents.

If you’ve always worked, why aren’t you getting maternity pay? And can you not go back?

Quick trips to the shop for extra bits and the odd takeaway is probably where it's going so we can be more strict.
This – I find the frittering is the biggest cost, not the obvious lump sums like insurance or heating bills where you take the time to shop around. It’s the corner shop, top-up shop, extra pack of socks or toy or ice creams. It adds up.

In terms of selling stuff and the maternity gear not shifting, have you tried listing it in bundles for very cheap? You won’t make loads but it’ll be something. And declutter the house as a bonus. And as your new baby grows you can sell bundles of their stuff – presumably this will be your last child, so you can also offload Moses baskets and newborn prams and bouncers and 0-6m toys etc over the next year.

When I said the system is crap I meant it as in its crap that I was better off single. Someone up thread commented that perhaps I'd be better off as a single parent. It was in response to that. It is crap when someone has to suggest ending my relationship to be financially better off.

I take full ownership of the 4 children that are biologically mine. I chose to have them. None were accidentally conceived.

@YouWouldNotBelieve

Feeling really overwhelmed and stressed is understandable given the circumstances. Luckily, there's ways to change how things are, and although there's no magic fairy who can wave her wand and make everything sort itself out. You can lay out what you're prepared to do, and based on what the consequences of those are, find out what the best option is, even if it's difficult.

Part of being a parent is making responsible choices in the best interest of any children. As it is, you don't have the resources to provide any quality of life for them,especially as you've got insufficient income and can't work. £100 a week, assuming £10 on formula and £10 on nappies is £80, so less than £10 per person per week on food for growing children who need extra nutrition. With the cost of everything these days, I assume you're not meeting their basic needs. correct me if I'm wrong.

Her DPs children don't live with her.

Also look into getting some reusable wipes and nappies on ebay. I know it sounds gross but all my cloth nappies are second hand and they're all fine. Even with the increase to our water bill from washing them it still worked out cheaper than buying disposibles and because we got them second hand we didn't have that huge outlay for a complete nappy system. I just started with as many as I could afford and then over the months put the money I saved on disposibles into buying more nappies until eventually I had enough to stop buying disposibles entirely. My son didn't potty train until he was 4 and my daughter is 3 and still not potty trained so we've saved a fortune over the years.

How about OP posts a months expenses

@YouWouldNotBelieve

Feeling really overwhelmed and stressed is understandable given the circumstances. Luckily, there's ways to change how things are, and although there's no magic fairy who can wave her wand and make everything sort itself out. You can lay out what you're prepared to do, and based on what the consequences of those are, find out what the best option is, even if it's difficult.

Part of being a parent is making responsible choices in the best interest of any children. As it is, you don't have the resources to provide any quality of life for them,especially as you've got insufficient income and can't work. £100 a week, assuming £10 on formula and £10 on nappies is £80, so less than £10 per person per week on food for growing children who need extra nutrition. With the cost of everything these days, I assume you're not meeting their basic needs. correct me if I'm wrong.

I will definitely correct you. My kids needs are definitely met. They have a house which is clean and of good quality. They have clothes, albeit cheaper branded ones, they go to school and are supported academically and emotionally by me and my dp and their dad. Nutritionally I think we eat reasonably healthily. We don't live on chicken nuggets and I batch cook and make a lot of things from scratch, use the slow cooker etc. We have fruit and veg every single day. Nobody is malnourished and their needs are definitely met thank you.

A lot of very unkind people on this thread! Congratulations OP on your little boy. When he is older consider getting a nighttime job maybe 1 shift a week and you won’t need to worry about childcare. Try and buy presents second hand. I use a local free cycle group on Facebook. I give all my kids clothes free online.