How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas

Above I have linked the Christmas topic. Start a thread there with ages of your children, and budget. Then we will be able to make suggestions.

Also on the Christmas topic is Reastie's bargain threads where you can find gift ideas at great prices :)

@burritofan

Quick trips to the shop for extra bits and the odd takeaway is probably where it's going so we can be more strict. This – I find the frittering is the biggest cost, not the obvious lump sums like insurance or heating bills where you take the time to shop around. It’s the corner shop, top-up shop, extra pack of socks or toy or ice creams. It adds up.

In terms of selling stuff and the maternity gear not shifting, have you tried listing it in bundles for very cheap? You won’t make loads but it’ll be something. And declutter the house as a bonus. And as your new baby grows you can sell bundles of their stuff – presumably this will be your last child, so you can also offload Moses baskets and newborn prams and bouncers and 0-6m toys etc over the next year.

Yes that's exactly it. Quick trip to the shop because I fancy something I didn't buy in the weekly shop, or popping to B&M get washing powder and coming out with a bag full of random crap I didn't know I needed 😂

Yes the baby is growing well and ready to move up to next size clothes so I'm already starting to bag them up ready to sell as a bundle. Moses basket has already sold on fb the other week so I'm doing all that stuff 😊

To be fair to you, I have 3 kids and that is enough personally for me to support emotionally and I’ve no idea how you’d even begin to do it with 7 so hats off to you

Reusable Nappies and wipes is a great idea

I am not sure if this has been said, but to be honest if you are just about coping on your present income (bills are paid etc) then I would focus more on the future.

I don't think you said how old your kids are, but one of the biggest costs out there is childcare, which you are technically saving on. So in 5 years time, if you were both working this would go down, its not going to for you, but you are still going to have the extra expenses of food (teenagers) christmas presents (teenagers)

So personally I would be trying to save as much as I could with the expectation of going back to work in some form in 4/5 years (could be less, but plan for the extreme) and having that money coming in to keep going for future years.

Hope that makes some sort of sense

Yes that's exactly it. Quick trip to the shop because I fancy something I didn't buy in the weekly shop, or popping to B&M get washing powder and coming out with a bag full of random crap I didn't know I needed 😂

You know you’re skint? So why are you doing this? If you examine your motivations it’ll be easier to stop.

Kids are 13, 10, 4, and 7 weeks

@HopelesslyHopeful87

Kids are 13, 10, 4, and 7 weeks

What about your partners kids?

Download the toogoodtogo app as you can get alot of groceries for £3-4 which could do for a few days.

I think you have to accept that a lot of people don’t have more children because we can’t afford it. I wanted more than 2 but knew I couldn’t give them the lifestyle I wanted so didn’t. You’ve got 4, plus your partner has 3, it’ll be lovely having a big family and there must be lots of positives but this lack of money is a downside. I’d be strict with myself, no going shopping unless I take the cash in so you can’t spend extra. Challenge yourself to save money on food shopping each week so you can add that to Christmas spends. Good luck

15, 13 and 11

When did your DP last get a payrise? Given that there are masses of jobs about can he get a better paid offering elsewhere or ask for a rise?

Re laptop, definitely try and borrow one. So many people will have surplus post WFH/homeschooling

Look about on FB Marketplace for bundles of cheap or free washable nappies - if you only use while at home you'll save a lot. Cut up old tshirts etc to use as washable wipes, that'll save a fortune.

I'd get a small emergency pot together. Things will always break down and emergencies always happen. Then I'd concentrate on paying off all debt. Check out ynab and Dave ramsey

You're clearly uncomfortable on that income, everyone involved must be, my comment was in the best interest on the children and based on the information I had read at the time. You're free to correct me but I don't appreciate and wont tolerate a rude, sarcastic thanks

What sort of meals do you have ?
Also I know it's only peanuts , but you can sign up to lots of places that do surveys , once you've done so many you get rewards . Some of mine to £10 gift vouchers that can be spent in many places . I've also signed up to lots of home tester places , this year I have been sent a toaster ( worth £79 ) a home air purifier ( worth £280 ) Karacher window cleaner ( £60 ) you get to keep them . Plus lots of household / beauty items , shampoo , face cleanser , a £96 night face cream , hair dye , kitchen rolls face masks , and loads others . After you have reviewed you get to keep, so the products in a roundabout way will save you money , and if you wanted you could sell the gadgets for some cash .
Just Google product review sights to find companies.

Reduce as much as you can.

Mobile phone - not have latest model and go sim only.

Netflix sky etc all can be cancelled

Meal plan. Only buy what you absolutely need for each meal. Use leftovers for lunch/second meal. Shop like Lidl and Aldi.

Second hand toys for DC for Xmas. Facebook marketplace great sources. Set a budget for Xmas for Dcs and stick to it. Baby will love wrapping paper. Agree not to buy for family and friends vice versa

Use milk bottles full of water in toilet tank to reduce water.

Re use wherever you can.

Sell some baby stuff kids stuff you don’t need. Places like vinted are good.

Turn heating down as much as you can. Put socks slippers and jumpers on

Insist on light off tv off when not in the room.

Sorry things are hard. I get it. Things are hard in our house too!

There’s a budgeting app called Emma that if downloaded automatically tracks categories.
Frozen vegetables etc are often cheaper and of similar nutritional value to fresh (you can get £1kg of carrots for £1).

Ultimately OP you just have too many mouths to feed. Can you really afford Christmas? Instead of presents and a roast dinner maybe do handmade gifts and a special meal that’s not more expensive but just takes more effort to make - nicely plated and decorated.

You seem to be doing everything right already so unless you find a way to make more I doubt that you’ll make enough to cover Christmas by tightening up. You’re already prioritising the things that matter - good food, academic emotional support of all your joint children. They will do well

@YouWouldNotBelieve

You're clearly uncomfortable on that income, everyone involved must be, my comment was in the best interest on the children and based on the information I had read at the time. You're free to correct me but I don't appreciate and wont tolerate a rude, sarcastic thanks

You might not appreciate my sarcasm but I didn't appreciate your assumptions that I can't care for my children. I'm a good mum and they have everything they need. Perhaps they don't have the newest ipads or the fanciest trainers but they're loved and supported and cared for.

@Frostine

What sort of meals do you have ? Also I know it's only peanuts , but you can sign up to lots of places that do surveys , once you've done so many you get rewards . Some of mine to £10 gift vouchers that can be spent in many places . I've also signed up to lots of home tester places , this year I have been sent a toaster ( worth £79 ) a home air purifier ( worth £280 ) Karacher window cleaner ( £60 ) you get to keep them . Plus lots of household / beauty items , shampoo , face cleanser , a £96 night face cream , hair dye , kitchen rolls face masks , and loads others . After you have reviewed you get to keep, so the products in a roundabout way will save you money , and if you wanted you could sell the gadgets for some cash . Just Google product review sights to find companies.

I will do that thank you.

We eat homemade things like lasagne, spag bol, chilli. Don't buy jar sauces, make from scratch with chopped toms etc as theyre cheaper and less salty and sugary. I will BLW the baby so no jars etc. I save leftovers and have for lunch next day. Don't buy frozen chips, just make my own with potatoes and seasoning.

OO I like the idea of using rain water thats genius! Yes cut down on all non essentials and that defo includes the takeaways, desired foods that make you go to shops where you buy non essentials, heating at this time of year (Its going to get a lot colder), cut down the size of your kids baths, defo do reusuable nappies & wipes (make from old clothes) & sanitary pads (so worth it), defo no need for spotify, netflix etc, defo take care to turn off all lights etc, defo never buy clothes - use hand me downs. Also we are doing amazing on blackberries and apples for our fruit, if you live anywhere near the countryside and can do that with the older ones.

Save save save and then get a job when you can - I think at 2 they get free child care (??) so worth it then for sure and there are loads of flexible hours jobs now so plan for that maybe. I would say dont get stressed and try and do too much like finding bitty jobs right now, you need to be there for yourself and your tiny one and added work stress wont help your mental health long term. Having a plan for when they are older will help you feel like things will get better.

Defo do minimal christmas, call it an eco christmas for the older ones, about being climate friendly - no wrapping paper etc just use clothes/blankets to wrap stuff. the younger ones will not even notice. Keep presents to charity shop things/ebay, dont go to the shops without a list or you buy more than you need etc. Only buy for the kids not each other and not extended family, say you are doing a minimal christmas this year.

You have one wage which is low enough for UC and 6 mouths to feed most days and 9 on others . Youre not struggling because of lack of discipline or budgeting it’s just the cost of a big family.

When I was first married and we had very young children I got a weekend night job in a nursing home, doing a Saturday night shift. Husband was home to look after the kids, an I managed a 2 hour nap when I got home on Sunday morning, then just went to bed early on Sunday evening so we did still spend the day together. It was fairly good money back then, although this was long before universal credit and top up benefits so i don't know how that system works.

I still work in care now and night shifts at weekends usually pay a slightly enhanced rate, back then I quite enjoyed being able to contribute financially when our kids were small an I usually saved a little bit each month towards Xmas and treats too.

I also only kept a small amount of cash in my purse to get things like milk, bread, nappies etc for the week, I found this was a good way to not overspend on anything which wasn't totally necessary x

I'm a firm believer that in this day and age there is absolutely no need to keep churning children out. I'm not sure if there's some big backstory here but I would never, ever actively bring a child into the world whilst relying on benefits. It's really not acceptable behaviour. As PPs have said, you need to own your choices. If I had 3 children, would I form a relationship with a man with three children? No I wouldn't, you did. That is your choice. Your decision, no one else's.

And as another person has said, if you have one income, low enough for UC and seven children to feed, their nutritional needs are not being met. It is not possible.

I know a woman who has recently given birth to her eight child in a three bed house. The kids rooms are stacked up with either bunk beds or triple bunk beds. The poor kids can't wait to be old enough to leave home and to be honest, I really don't blame them

Also, if you're claiming UC, you can get help with childcare. Part of being a parent is you put their needs before your own. If you struggle financially you need to be looking for work. I returned to work full-time when my daughter was 8 weeks old and have worked through both depression and cancer treatment. It was hard, but I got it done because that's what being a parent is. Find a job.

Online surveys? I use one website and make about £25 a month. Not a huge amount but could go towards a birthday present each month? You could make more by using different websites too.

@Autumndays123. How about reading the op's posts before putting the boot in.