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Original poster

Ds11 has rages and calls me a ‘fucking moron’

205 replies

Lavenderpillow · 25/09/2021 10:39

Had another one this morning. Was discussing with him using some of his birthday money towards a computer game he wants. You would think that would be a calm discussion. I was drying my hair while we were talking and he got agitated and came over and turned the hair dryer off and accused me of ‘cutting him off’. I explained I was still listening and just needed to dry my cold, wet hair! He started ranting about sharing the computer game with his dad who sometimes plays it too, and I said he should just discuss it with his dad then. I could see he was getting really worked up and suggested we have a 15 minute time out so he could calm down and stop ranting. He went into his room and I saw he hadn’t eaten his breakfast so I told him to eat it. He then kicked either the balloon or the breakfast (which were next to each other) and the breakfast exploded everywhere. He then started shouting at me and I said we need a time out for an hour or so and he screamed and called me a fucking moron.

I told him he was to stay in his room all morning, clean everything up and that he had really upset me.

The rest of the time he is a really loving boy. I don’t get why he has these horrible rages and turns into a monster.

I feel really upset this morning and don’t know how to handle it.

OP posts:
Taoneusa · 25/09/2021 11:28
  1. Drying your hair while talking = distracted, divided attention level
  2. “Discuss it with your dad then” = dismissal
3.accused me of cutting him off = told you how he felt 4.he was visibly upset and you told him to go away for 15 minutes. 5.you mention his breakfast when breakfast is the last thing on his mind 6.he is really upset and shouting now and your response is to suggest cutting attention level to zero.
  1. Then it was all about you. He’d really upset you. = his feelings utterly negated.

He didn’t behave perfectly. You failed to give him the attention he was asking for. Your continuing inattentiveness resulted in his frustration escalating.

Put yourself in his shoes for two minutes, imagine trying to talk to someone who is absent, distracted, and continues to distance themselves from you and your needs, no matter how upset you get.

Maybe you’d find yourself raising your voice and telling the person your attempting to talk with that they are a moron.

I’m sorry you’re really upset. Domestic spats are hard!

PotteringAlong · 25/09/2021 11:32

I’m going to be honest and say that, even if it played out exactly as @Taoneusa said it did, at the point he kicked his breakfast over the floor and called me a fucking moron what he was spending his birthday money on would be a moot point because there would be no computer to play the game on.

ShaneTheThird · 25/09/2021 11:34

That is not normal behavior at all and needs seriously nipping in the bud before he becomes an aggressive abusive teenager.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families
StellaCinnamon · 25/09/2021 11:35

Maybe you’d find yourself raising your voice and telling the person your attempting to talk with that they are a moron

Oh ffs 🙄

He behaved really badly. It really isn’t any deeper than that. Sometimes kids just do that.

Dbakl · 25/09/2021 11:36

Who started the conversation? When did you start drying your hair? Do you have a DP (his father?) who calls you a fucking moron when you argue?

ShaneTheThird · 25/09/2021 11:38

@Taoneusa

1. Drying your hair while talking = distracted, divided attention level
  1. “Discuss it with your dad then” = dismissal
3.accused me of cutting him off = told you how he felt 4.he was visibly upset and you told him to go away for 15 minutes. 5.you mention his breakfast when breakfast is the last thing on his mind 6.he is really upset and shouting now and your response is to suggest cutting attention level to zero.
  1. Then it was all about you. He’d really upset you. = his feelings utterly negated.

He didn’t behave perfectly. You failed to give him the attention he was asking for. Your continuing inattentiveness resulted in his frustration escalating.

Put yourself in his shoes for two minutes, imagine trying to talk to someone who is absent, distracted, and continues to distance themselves from you and your needs, no matter how upset you get.

Maybe you’d find yourself raising your voice and telling the person your attempting to talk with that they are a moron.

I’m sorry you’re really upset. Domestic spats are hard!

Jfc do you always try and over analyse none issues in an attempt to exonerate someone behaving both appallingly and out of control?
clpsmum · 25/09/2021 11:38

@Taoneusa

1. Drying your hair while talking = distracted, divided attention level
  1. “Discuss it with your dad then” = dismissal
3.accused me of cutting him off = told you how he felt 4.he was visibly upset and you told him to go away for 15 minutes. 5.you mention his breakfast when breakfast is the last thing on his mind 6.he is really upset and shouting now and your response is to suggest cutting attention level to zero.
  1. Then it was all about you. He’d really upset you. = his feelings utterly negated.

He didn’t behave perfectly. You failed to give him the attention he was asking for. Your continuing inattentiveness resulted in his frustration escalating.

Put yourself in his shoes for two minutes, imagine trying to talk to someone who is absent, distracted, and continues to distance themselves from you and your needs, no matter how upset you get.

Maybe you’d find yourself raising your voice and telling the person your attempting to talk with that they are a moron.

I’m sorry you’re really upset. Domestic spats are hard!

This
Taoneusa · 25/09/2021 11:38

Fair enough, StellaCinnamon. If OP doesn’t find a grain of truth in my post, it’s all good and can be discarded. It’s just my initial POV, but I don’t know the people involved.

clpsmum · 25/09/2021 11:38

Ps what sort of breakfast did he have that exploded??

clpsmum · 25/09/2021 11:40

@Taoneusa I agree with everything you said tbh. If I was trying to talk to somebody who couldn't turn the hair dryer off for two minutes to listen to me I'd find it incredibly rude and frustrating

StellaCinnamon · 25/09/2021 11:40

The amount of utter pandering on this forum drives me mental. Sometimes it is ok for a fucking 11 year old not to be the centre of their mother’s world while she’s drying her hair.

Sherrystrull · 25/09/2021 11:41

I agree with @Taoneusa

By mentioning his breakfast you were effectively poking at him when he was cross.

GreyhoundG1rl · 25/09/2021 11:41

Calling you a fucking moron needs addressing, that's not on.
Why could you not have turned the hairdryer off for a minute while he was speaking, though?
You can't really have thought it would be a "calm discussion" with him having to shout over it.

Ionlydomassiveones · 25/09/2021 11:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Finals1234 · 25/09/2021 11:43

@PotteringAlong

I’m going to be honest and say that, even if it played out exactly as *@Taoneusa* said it did, at the point he kicked his breakfast over the floor and called me a fucking moron what he was spending his birthday money on would be a moot point because there would be no computer to play the game on.
Completely agree with this.

Maybe when he is being lovely you need to sit him down and discuss this episode. What do you think he would say?

I don't think you were being unreasonable in the slightest but you should clamp down on this hard.

ShaneTheThird · 25/09/2021 11:54

@StellaCinnamon

The amount of utter pandering on this forum drives me mental. Sometimes it is ok for a fucking 11 year old not to be the centre of their mother’s world while she’s drying her hair.
It's strange isn't it. It's as if mners hate well... Mothers. In the last month alone there's been this thread playing down the sons disgusting behaviour, there was the thread where the ops 19 year old daughter shouted at her and was aggressive over a piece of ginger where posters fell over themselves to blame op for not just giving her daughter what she wanted straight away. Then there was the thread where the ops son/stepson punched her in the arm, again posters fell over themselves to blame the op.
Gubanc · 25/09/2021 11:58

I agree with StellaCinnamon. I'd have probably asked him to wait until I finished drying my hair.
Where has all the respect gone?

ShaneTheThird · 25/09/2021 12:01

@GreyhoundG1rl

Calling you a fucking moron needs addressing, that's not on. Why could you not have turned the hairdryer off for a minute while he was speaking, though? You can't really have thought it would be a "calm discussion" with him having to shout over it.
You honestly think the son shouldn't have waited for his mother to finish the task she was already doing when he started talking?
clpsmum · 25/09/2021 12:02

What's strange is people think that it's acceptable for somebody to carry on frying their hair while their child is trying to speak to them! I don't think I pander to my children because I do t ignore them.

saraclara · 25/09/2021 12:07

@GreyhoundG1rl

Calling you a fucking moron needs addressing, that's not on. Why could you not have turned the hairdryer off for a minute while he was speaking, though? You can't really have thought it would be a "calm discussion" with him having to shout over it.
That.
Ijustreallywantacat · 25/09/2021 12:08

What's strange is people think that it's acceptable for somebody to carry on frying their hair while their child is trying to speak to them! I don't think I pander to my children because I do t ignore them.*

He's 11 years old not 4. He saw that she was drying her hair, he can either wait for a bit, or talk through it. Of course it's bloody acceptable. She didn't tell him to piss off, she was listening.

JuneOsborne · 25/09/2021 12:08

NT child? One off? I'd be as unhappy as you are and would have been seriously pissed off. Like a pp, there would be no buying computer games for the time being and also a stern talking to about baseline levels of respect that everyone on the house needs to abide to. That baseline includes no aggressive swearing and name calling even if you disagree with someone, and certainly no kicking stuff. And until he could learn that, there would be no privileges.

Start of a pattern, I'd be reinforcing the base line level of respect.

Not NT? I have no idea. Post on the SEN board and see if experienced posters can help you better.

But, I think there may be some truth in the whole, you poked the bear. You could see he was spiralling and you went on about breakfast, sometimes things are better left alone.

DumplingsAndStew · 25/09/2021 12:09

You escalated things when you asked for a 15 minute Time Out then - from his perspective - got on at him about his breakfast.

When you see he is struggling to come down from a point, you recognised that and pressed pause, which is good. But you need to pause too, and give him that space to de-escalate his feelings.

He needs a punishment for the way he spoke to you, but you could also acknowledge the part you played in this, and once things are calm, discuss the changes you BOTH need to make.

Comedycook · 25/09/2021 12:10

This is not really to do with the hair drying...this is what lots of pre teen/term boys are like

Foxtailstump · 25/09/2021 12:11

I’d be coming down on him like a tonne of bricks for that behaviour.
If he’s doing that now what’s he going to be like at 15? Nip it in the bud now.