Do you still get financial help/treats from your parents?

[littlepieces]

Lots of people I know have everything from bills to holidays paid for by their families. I'm fascinated by this and wondered how common it is? I'm 35 and my parents haven't given me a penny since the day I left home (which is of course totally fine) and they don't really do gifts.

One friend, 32; her parents' paid for her car, the insurance and maintenance when she was at uni, have continued to pay for this throughout her adult life, so she has a mode of transport and can visit them. Quite a few friends in late 20s and 30s still have their phone contracts paid for by parents too.

Another friend, 40, gets her credit card bill paid for by her mum each month, (£30-40) and if she needs furniture or something for her flat, 9 times out of 10 her mum just buys it for her. Her mum also gave her £5,000 to get her bathroom done.

A colleague, 31, (pre pandemic) regularly had holidays paid for by her parents/grandparents because she 'deserved a break', and we're talking big trips to Tanzania, Cuba, Thailand, etc.

Yes, lots. I’m very fortunate.
I’m 43 and probably get £5-£10k a year off my parents in various forms.
They’d rather help now than wait until they are dead and they are very comfortable financially and a lot of that is inherited money.

I had an unexpected baby at 41 and they bought lots of things and helped out with money when I was only on SMP. Then this year my old horse has been very ill and they gave me £2k towards the vet bill plus £5k for some work on the house.
I never ask for it, I have occasionally also had a loan off them which I repay in full. But the recent large amounts they won’t entertain me giving back.
I am very, very lucky.
I’ll also do the same for DD.

My parents didn't give me any actual cash for decades from as soon as I left home (at 22) although they were there for practical help and support and would often pay if we went all out for dinner etc.

I think they knew it was important I had the feeling that I was properly independent and indeed, it's a good feeling knowing that you've worked for what you have.

Now, in my 50s, they have started giving me lump sums from time to time as part of their inheritance tax "planning" and whilst I don't say no, I don't love it as much as I should for such a generous gesture. The most recent one; I was about to buy a new car, paying cash that I'd saved myself and the money arrived in my account as a birthday present. Which is of course lovely, but so is knowing you saved for it yourself.

No. I’m 31 and have never had a penny from my parents - from 13 we were expected to work.

DHs parents try; similar to a poster above they’d rather pass things on or pay for things now, rather than DH get it when they die. They’re quite blunt about it, but I suspect that’s because they both came from quite working class backgrounds and have done well with jobs/stocks/final value pensions. They want to spread that on.

Of our friends, I’d say probably about 20% get regular financial help, and maybe half get non-financial help - childcare or live at home etc.

I'm early 50's. My dad gives me £200 at Xmas and £75 on my birthday. Generous amounts I think. I give him gifts but they cost a lot less. He is much richer though and if that situation reverses in the future, I would (if I could) give him more generous gifts.

nope , as soon as i had a saturday job i was on my own

Yes. My sister and I are both grown up with professional jobs and children. My mum likes to treat us to things that help us out. She says she's rather we enjoy it now while she's around. We renovated our house and she paid for things like carpets and blinds, plants in our garden etc. We keep telling her to enjoy spending on herself and encouraging her to go on holiday etc, but shes insistent on helping us out while she's around.
Our dad (they're not together) likes to pay for things like the kids winter coats, shoes and pays into their premium bonds. Probably for the same reason as my mum, but he doesn't say that's specifically why.
DHs parents look after the children one day per week to help us save on childcare.

No. I mean, dad would have bought me lunch if we went to visit them and went out, but that was it. DHs parents similarly. Presents around the £20 mark at birthday and christmas, same for DS.
When I moved into my first house of my own, and had absolutely nothing, mum did buy me a futon and gave us some money towards a pram when ds was born

Unless I borrow in an emergency or a loan for something like my car which I paid back monthly on a standing order till it was paid off.

No they don't give money out to me.
My dsis yes all the time because she has the inability to manage finances probably because my parents have always bailed her out.

I've really struggled the last 8 months financially thanks to Covid and I've had to ask to borrow the odd £50 here or there in an emergency and it's paid bak immediately on pay day because I hate asking and owing them.

My mother makes a point of saying they need to watch their money or wel be having a conversation and il say the uniform bill for the dc was over £400 and shel jump in and say well I don't have any spare blah blah so I have to remind her I wasn't expecting anything g

And yet my invite for a coffe or cheap breakfast out sometimes will be jumped on and while we are out (mum doesn't drive) il end up being the taxi while she pops to a few shops etc etc.

Am used to it so it's no surprise really for me.

My in laws are even worse.

If fil picks up something for us for even £1 Hel stand there waiting for you to give him to £1 back yet we pay towards mil phone bill every month so she can have a better phone.

And yes both sets of parents are very comfortably off.

I worked from 13 too - my parents said once I was of working age I'd be expected to pay for any non essentials (casual clothes, music, going out, hobbies) myself. They weren't wealthy but they certainly weren't poor either. I think having such a varied and long experience of work has been good for me, and has also taught me to be very good with money. Although I'm only in my 30s and already knackered from working.

Definitely not. Financially started helping them as soon as I was earning in early twenties.

My parents have paid for group holidays on occasion for my family and my siblings plus them, but that's it. We earn far more than them these days so we treat them!

I know someone who works just a few hours a week and her mum pays for her car (it’s like a £35,000 car) they share a bank account too. I guess I wouldn’t say no if my parents had money and offered it but I don’t expect anything from them. They play me, dh and kids to nice meals but we also treat back. I’d find it weird if my parents were paying my phone bill.. but I guess they would if I couldn’t afford it.

I never got any financial help from my parents who are now dead, mainly because they had no money.
I do help my adult children, because I can.

They each got a car after uni when they started work. A lump sum towards a deposit. Aside from that I treat them if I know there's something they like, or pay for meals out etc. Id much rather they got it now when they need it than wait until I'm dead by which time the money isn't as useful as it is in their 20s.

My parents paid for my university fees/rent during university years and for meals out when I am back in my home country. We stayed with DH's mother for free until we bought our own place.

But we never got any cash handouts ever. DH wires his younger sister money for laptops and phones, buys his mum groceries, pays for meals out etc.

I don't - my parents were like yours - but DH does. That generation is much better off and never had the outlay we have of huge mortgages on starter homes, uni fees etc. And they are living much longer so there's far less chance of any inheritance. So I think it's fine they spread the wealth while they are alive to enjoy seeing their adult offspring benefit.

@MondayYogurt

Definitely not. Financially started helping them as soon as I was earning in early twenties.

This, though I studied for a long time so was later starting in the FT job market.

It's interesting that a lot of your parents say they'd rather see you enjoy their money now while they're alive. That's quite nice in a way.

My parents' perspective is that they've earned their money by working hard and it's all theirs to enjoy to themselves now they've retired. They've paid their dues when it comes to child raising. They don't plan to pass on any inheritance. (Incidentally my family is not very close).

I do wonder how common it is and if there are any stats on it.

My SIL lives in Israel and in Israel, 87% of parents help out their adult children financially from everything to house deposits to groceries. A mortgage broker there said that 85% of buyers have significant family support.

I don't think it is like that in the UK and I am glad, it would really skew prices if family support was almost expected.

Yes and it drives me mad as I don't really need it. I think my dad sees it as a way of avoiding inheritance tax and says he'd rather we had the money now. They helped with my first house deposit, if I plan to get something like a bathroom or kitchen fit they inevitably offer towards it even though I've already saved and budgeted for it. Sometimes they'll give me money because my brother has had a lump towards something (even though I wouldn't even have known or bothered). They don't cover any regular costs like phones or car insurance. They'd always pay if we go out for dinner, it's a struggle even to let my mum buy her coffee!!
It does bother me a bit as I don't really need their money and I hope they're saving enough to cover any care costs in the coming years as their parents both lived to a ripe old age!

I mean yes and no. If I ever asked, I'd be given whatever I needed. But that's because I've never asked. I think they'd be pretty sick of giving me handouts if I seemed to need them regularly. As a grown woman with her own house, husband and three children.

They'll buy big gifts. When I had DTwins, the bugaboo I wanted was £2k because I think they're ugly bits of kit but had found one in a very lovely colour scheme. It was £2k. I hummed and haahhhed for weeks whether I should go for it, so DM just ordered it as a surprise. When I was 20 and got my first proper car, they loaned me the money (£14k) so I didn't have to pay bank interest while I was on rookie wages, then when there was about £2k left, they wrote off the balance as a Christmas present.

We're always buying each other bits, I'll see a lovely gin/blanket/picture frame/trinkets etc and will get one in a different colour for DM and DNan, but all three of us do this for each other, so it's give and take.

If she picks up anything for me, I don't give her the money, and vice versa. Eg eldest DS went through his trainers at hers and she bought him another pair while he was there. I don't pay her. I picked up her Christmas meats as we order from the same place, I just pay for the lot. She doesn't pay me.

The idea that I'm a fully sufficient adult and my parents paid my phonebill would be unbelievably embarrassing (unless I was bankrupt/ in dire straits) and I wouldn't be telling people this. It's cringey. Why on earth are parents paying for a 30 somethings mobile phone?

@littlepieces

It's interesting that a lot of your parents say they'd rather see you enjoy their money now while they're alive. That's quite nice in a way.

My parents' perspective is that they've earned their money by working hard and it's all theirs to enjoy to themselves now they've retired. They've paid their dues when it comes to child raising. They don't plan to pass on any inheritance. (Incidentally my family is not very close).

This is my view for my parents. They did their bit by raising me and equipping me to make a good living of my own. I hope they live long and full lives and spend the lot. But they want to pass it on.

For my own DC, now both working FT but still living at home, I find I have to stop myself from making life too easy for them. I don't think that's helpful in the long run although my natural instinct is to give them everything I can.

Also, the ones who might not be handing out cash are often helping in other way such as child care, it's really noticeable how many grandparents are out during the day with pre-schoolies or doing the school run. Even one day a week adds up to a decent "cost contribution" in saved nursery fees over a few years.

I’m 29 and my mum still helps out occasionally. She usually gives me £500 on my birthday/Christmas. When we were renovating our house she paid for our new front door (around £1.5k) which I really appreciated.

My mum has worked incredibly hard and is now nearing retirement. She’s a very high earner and has told me that she wants to give me money now while she still can, and can see me benefit from it.

I'm 55 and my parents live abroad . They recently paid for flights for me and DD to visit them. I paid for all of our covid tests and kennels for our dogs to enable us to go which was over £800. But we hadn't seen them for 2 years

Yep my mum says she likes to see us enjoy the money so she gives generous amounts of cash at birthdays and Christmas and has paid for us to have a some holidays. She has paid for some things that the dc have needed too such as musical instruments and laptops.

She says she'd rather see us enjoy things now. If she ends up needing care there may be nothing to inherit anyway.

I will definitely be doing the same with our dc.