Do you still get financial help/treats from your parents?

[littlepieces]

Lots of people I know have everything from bills to holidays paid for by their families. I'm fascinated by this and wondered how common it is? I'm 35 and my parents haven't given me a penny since the day I left home (which is of course totally fine) and they don't really do gifts.

One friend, 32; her parents' paid for her car, the insurance and maintenance when she was at uni, have continued to pay for this throughout her adult life, so she has a mode of transport and can visit them. Quite a few friends in late 20s and 30s still have their phone contracts paid for by parents too.

Another friend, 40, gets her credit card bill paid for by her mum each month, (£30-40) and if she needs furniture or something for her flat, 9 times out of 10 her mum just buys it for her. Her mum also gave her £5,000 to get her bathroom done.

A colleague, 31, (pre pandemic) regularly had holidays paid for by her parents/grandparents because she 'deserved a break', and we're talking big trips to Tanzania, Cuba, Thailand, etc.

Not so much for day to day stuff like paying regular bills, but my mum has given me a lot of money for a home and an extension and stuff in the past, mainly from inheritances and property she has sold. She's also paid for holidays and thing. She has the attitude of a PP's parents – she wants me to have the money now when it would make a big difference to our lives - size of house, ability to stay off longer on mat leave, etc. - than in say 20 years' time. I'm very grateful as it's made our lives a lot easier and worry-free.

I didn't until I left my ex. Without financial support, I wouldn't have been able to leave. It's partly why I stayed in a bad situation so long. My mother offered several times to help out, as she is also of the view that she would rather give me money now, and see me and my child happy, than for us to wait until she is dead. Eventually, I took her up on her offer. It feels bad as an adult to still be seeking help from a parent, but I am very glad I had the option.

DH's parents pay for our holiday every year and pay our phone bill. MIL also takes me on shopping trips and days out as we both don't work.
A month after I met DH I became unwell and had to leave work. They paid my rent and car payments for 5 months until I was well enough to move in with him.

In contrast, my parents stopped paying for anything of mine when I turned 14, so it's nice to be looked after now.

Yes. I'm married and get a regular monthly allowance from my parents.

Regularly? No. As a treat/gift/surprise? Sure. Not constant but occasionally. Less often cash and more often a thing/experience, but once in a while will send some money and say 'enjoy a massage on me' or something similar.

Regular outgoings, no. They buy us and dds Christmas and birthday presents and have helped us out financially when we have desperately needed it a few years ago. We now live in a house owned by my mother and we pay rent and are maintaining it but we are paying about £200 less a month than they could get if they rented it out. So that is ongoing help. I wouldn't accept a holiday from them and I think I'd be a bit embarrassed if they paid our bills. I'm a grown up, I can pay a bill!

My parents do, my husband's parents don't. My parents have helped with a house deposit, bought my first car, give us money for Christmas/birthdays, spending money for holidays, and the odd few quid for other things like shopping trips/ days out, or school uniform for the kids. My husband's parents give our kids some money for Christmas. Nothing for birthdays and nothing for us at all, aside from a card.

No, never have, I'm better off financially than my mum.

I’m late 30’s I’ve been giving my mum money for the last 7yrs (ish). In theory for the childcare she helps with.

In reality, I just know she’d struggle without it. We paid her all through COVID while our kids were at home.

We’re not rich either by the way. Just better off than she is.

No. Both my parents and PIL are all dead now anyway, but given that both our dads died when we were young ( I was 2 when I lost my dad and DH was 9 ) both our mums were widows and struggled to get by as it was. My mum used to give my kids pocket money (up to £5 per week, dependent on their age) but obviously that stopped when she died 5 years ago. We've never relied on anyone else helping us out.

We have been very lucky that both sets of parents were very generous, helped with house deposit and occasional presents of money for things like house improvements. They felt they would rather help us whilst we were young and could make use of it, and at times it was a life saver when we weren’t earning much and had young children. Having said that, I was encouraged to get a job at 14 as I wanted to go on a school trip and had already had one paid for me, and parents said this one I needed to pay myself (foreign trip so quite expensive). They had funded only one for my older sibling.

Only one of my parents is still alive and is in a nursing home with advanced dementia for the past 5 years, so all their savings have gone, so in many ways I’m glad we had some gifts already as they would be cross to have not left much for anyone. FiL was in finance, but as he got elderly and had mild dementia he thought he had no money so did little financial planning. He didn’t have to go in nursing care thankfully, but his estate was subject to inheritance tax.

Partly because of this, as we reach our 60s we are keen to help our kids whilst we can. They have both had money for house deposits, will get help with weddings should they get married, and we usually give them a sum at Christmas for a diy project or similar (new bathroom for instance). It gives us great pleasure to help them and they are always very grateful. Younger child has a much higher paying job, so doesn’t need so much help, but we always are stringently equal, even though they wouldn’t be bothered if we weren’t. I could never treat them differently. We also will have occasional family holidays which we fund, but they will buy us a meal out etc whilst there. We fully appreciate how lucky we are to have some money behind us and to have inherited from one side of the family.

I remember reading a "what did you get for Christmas" thread on a parenting forum I used to frequent many years ago - I think I'd had a £20 voucher from my mum, whereas people posting on there had had holidays, new carpets, £500, all kinds. These were grown adults with families of their own. I don't know if I'd even have been comfortable accepting that kind of gift, even if my mum had been capable of it!

No, I never have as an adult. My parents took huge amounts of money from me too, when I was still living at home.

Not a penny for anything - in the past or now (I'm late 40s). They have money, they are just not generous.
I know that when my DC are older, I will help them out as much as I possibly can throughout their lives (whilst teaching them to be able to be self-sufficient of course) - to me that's part of being a parent.

My parents-nothing
I've not had anything from them in years-incuding birthday or Xmas presents
But they support my brothers with things like new cars/days out/food shopping/clothes/meals/takeaways etc

My inlaws are/where very generous (we've just lost my fil)
They/she seems to love treating us but we do try to pay for my mil sometimes-it often ends in a row over who pays for what!

I try to help my lot out when I can

Hahahahaha!!!
No.
Despite the fact they have a massive house and steady stream of income from a rental property. They never treat me or my kids, and buy all my birthday presents in the M&S sale, without fail, every year. I get random shit like a sports bra in not quite my size.

When I used to travel for work, I’d often leave my car at my parents for a few days at a time. I’d sometime come home to ‘we filled you car with fuel for you’ or ‘we noticed your tyre was almost at limit so we got 2 new front tyres fitted for you’.

My parents have never had very much and even now they love to treat us to small, usually practical things just to make our life a little bit easier.

It’s a mix of them recognising how busy life is and that it’s one thing off my list. And also they would rather we had the extra cash in our pockets to have a day out with the kids or whatever.

Yes they do but not a lot as they are far from rich themselves but are better off than us. Mine bought us a brand new dishwasher a few months ago, i was looking for a second hand one after second DC was born and was struggling with housework and kids.
My MIL bought us a new bed this year. They stayed over once to have the kids for us, slept in our bed as we don't have a spare and it must have been uncomfortable as they bought us new bed a little while later. My mum buys things for the kids like new pair of shoes/new t shirt with character on they like/ winter coats she's got in the sale/baby walker etc just little things but it all adds up and helps us out as we can't always afford new stuff as I've just been on mat leave. We appreciate it all and realise we are lucky.

I get help from dm still. I'd never ask for things, but she often offers to do things like pay for an extracurricular for the dc. I can't imagine wanting to stop helping my dc, if I am able, just because they are adults.

@degsydoodoos

I remember reading a "what did you get for Christmas" thread on a parenting forum I used to frequent many years ago - I think I'd had a £20 voucher from my mum, whereas people posting on there had had holidays, new carpets, £500, all kinds. These were grown adults with families of their own. I don't know if I'd even have been comfortable accepting that kind of gift, even if my mum had been capable of it!

It’s usually more ‘uncomfortable’ to refuse a gift that someone wants to buy you. What do you do, give it back?

Nope. They’ve never had it to give and to be honest I probably wouldn’t have accepted it because I would have known that they would have struggled.
However I do help my adult dc. They don’t ask. Cars, money, furniture, help with bills when needed etc things that they would otherwise have to do without or make do. Not a lot but as much as I can. I work a lot of overtime to be able to.

No I'm a grown adult why would they?

I was responsible for my own finances as soon as l got a job at 16.

Paid for every expenditure, including board.

I'm proud to have been independent but l do get upset that while my parents effectively washed their hands of me and my sisters when we had our own money my brothers have been brought expensive clothes, given money when they were not working ( even though l was in that position) my mum paid for my brothers plane ticket and l had to pay for hers and mine.

My parents refuse to our share of inheritance, l do feel resentful but l also know that my brothers especially the greedy one will always be worried that we will want our share. So, funnily enough that gives me peace of mind.

I also have faith and strong religious beliefs that l will get my share which will be more valuable than the worldly value in thr hereafter.

I'm 46 and my dad occasionally puts some money into my bank account and tells me to treat me, DH and DC to a takeaway. He knows things are tough for us at the moment (not just money wise but situation wise too) and I won't accept any help so he wants us to know he's thinking of us. It's a gesture that mean's the world to me and I hope I will find ways to show my DC when they are older that I'm thinking of them

** even when my brothers have had jobs my mum has still given them stuff.