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Original poster

Do you still get financial help/treats from your parents?

198 replies

littlepieces · 10/09/2021 10:21

Lots of people I know have everything from bills to holidays paid for by their families. I'm fascinated by this and wondered how common it is? I'm 35 and my parents haven't given me a penny since the day I left home (which is of course totally fine) and they don't really do gifts.

One friend, 32; her parents' paid for her car, the insurance and maintenance when she was at uni, have continued to pay for this throughout her adult life, so she has a mode of transport and can visit them. Quite a few friends in late 20s and 30s still have their phone contracts paid for by parents too.

Another friend, 40, gets her credit card bill paid for by her mum each month, (£30-40) and if she needs furniture or something for her flat, 9 times out of 10 her mum just buys it for her. Her mum also gave her £5,000 to get her bathroom done.

A colleague, 31, (pre pandemic) regularly had holidays paid for by her parents/grandparents because she 'deserved a break', and we're talking big trips to Tanzania, Cuba, Thailand, etc.

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 10/09/2021 14:49

Like a few other posters my parents are retired and want to help now while they can. They contributed towards our wedding and gave us the money for IVF.

Brissiegirl · 10/09/2021 14:56

I'm the one now giving treats to my kids ages between 28 and 22. We still pay their private health insurance (we're in Ireland and it's important to have it if u can afford it). We also pay regularly for their car insurances or new tyres, repairs or stuff like that. Dd22 just bought her first car and we helped towards it too. It's not expected by the kids, they handle their own day to day bills and expenses, and they could well pay these items themselves but we can afford it (more than they can), and money is better being spent now than sitting for when we pass away. They do appreciate these helpouts and will argue against them but it's far better imo than buying them unneeded but nice Christmas/ birthday pressies because it's that the of year.

thecognoscenti · 10/09/2021 14:59

@chelle862

Yes. I'm married and get a regular monthly allowance from my parents.
Why? You're presumably an adult? Do you not feel a bit embarrassed by it?

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Brissiegirl · 10/09/2021 15:15

Just to add - my 88 year old mother still gives me a totally non needed handout sometimes - I guess it's a case if it runs in the family.

IngridTails · 10/09/2021 15:17

No. They don't have the money to give and there will be no inheritance of any kind.

3GreenPullups · 10/09/2021 15:20

I would have said no, as I have been working in some form or other since I was 15. (I am 49). BUT, my parents who live abroad said that when I and the children go to see them hopefully next year they are going to treat us all to a trip to Thailand! I am SO excited. (Just hope it happens, as we have not seen them for 2 years).

TinselTime21 · 10/09/2021 15:24

Nope never.. Get the odd lunch out to a cafe that's about it.

India92 · 10/09/2021 15:52

I'm in my late 20s, and I'm very lucky to be better off than my parents now.

However my mum will still pay for the odd meal out if she's invited us, and gets us lovely presents at Xmas and for birthdays.

They help us out in more practical ways (DIY, painting, moving house etc) which is invaluable to us as we're crap at it!

My PIL are well off, they are the complete opposite of my parents and crap at DIY etc, and would rather help financially if possible, which we never expect or ask/hint for(!) so we count ourselves very lucky.

BillyJoe111 · 10/09/2021 15:56

My dad always used to give me a tenner here and there, 200 for christmas and 200 for birthday.

Then he got dementia, still gives it to me but then accuses me of having stolen it from so now I just stuff it back in his wallet to stop that.

He paid a grand for fitted wardrobes in my first house 20 years ago and paid for my car services until I was 25.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 10/09/2021 16:04

Neither of our parents would ever help with regular outgoings and I would never ask. The only time they would probably help with regular outgoings is if one of us lost our jobs but then it would be a loan until we were back on our feet. If the situation continued past 6 months, they’d probably start having chats with us about looking at moving and other ways to cut living expenses. However, we’d have already cut everything that we can already cut.

My parents will give generous contributions for big life events and occasionally if we’re saving for some renovations. We’re capable of saving for the renovations ourselves but there’s a pride in my family (on both sides) of being in a financial position to help your children with that. For example, it meant a lot to my mum that she was in a position that she could buy my wedding dress for me.

DH’s parents don’t tend to give contributions for big life events or towards house renovations (which is fine, obviously). They’re view is more that they had to work hard for what they have and we should work hard to get what we want. They are generous in other ways. If we travel to see (they live in another country), they will pay. They will often send us treats which can vary in cost. I think they like to see it go to something specific rather than generally to the house.

Our parents are generous at Christmas and birthdays and we still can’t treat them to a meal and I expect we won’t be able to while they’re working.

SlidDownTheElephantsTrunk · 10/09/2021 16:06

Yes me and my siblings have had a lot of money from our parents. It's never been asked for and fortunately none of us actually needs it.

It didn't start happening until we were all in our 40's so we didn't grow up being given money and are all extremely independent but they have a lot of money (probably not by MN standards) and want to see us enjoy it. My dad in particular has always saved to give it to us - no idea why, it's just who he is. Possibly because his own parents were very poor.

Saying that I also recently gave my DD a chunck of money for her mortgage deposit, so I guess I do it too.

Yellowbowlbanana · 10/09/2021 16:19

None at all. I help my mum out where I can. In-laws are generous but not like that. They'll often buy dinner if we go out and will treat us on Christmas and birthdays although we do the same for them.
When my DC are adults I can see us doing the same as in-law's if we are able to. I'd also like to help them with deposits etc if we can but that will depend on circumstances.

BillyJoe111 · 10/09/2021 17:01

In laws have been generous. About 10 years ago they told us that dh and SIL could basically have 25k each, in bulk or in dribs and drabs but that was it until they died.

SIL spent it all on little bits - new TVs, holidays, big xmas gifts for her kids, racking up credit cards then paying off, the rest on her wedding.

Dh is getting his in bulk this year, it’s the deposit on our first house (at the grand old ages of 40 and 41). We wouldn’t be able to buy a house without it.

SIL is fuming that he has all 25k untouched Confused

MagentaRocks · 10/09/2021 17:09

Yes, mine give me and my brother regular gifts and have given us a significant amount over the years. They also want to see us enjoy it rather than wait for us to inherit it. We were poor growing up and didn’t have much. Now they are more comfortable it gives them pleasure to do this. Neither of us need it, but I think they like that it can be used for something we wouldn’t normally have/do.

Crunchymum · 10/09/2021 17:17

Parents (well it's just Dad now) still bung me a bit of money on my birthday and at a Christmas. I usually give them a similar but in vouchers as they never accepted cash

MIL helps us with childcare, she has saved us so much money and stress and she is an absolute Godsend. We do treat her (have taken her away, buy the weekly shop etc but yeah she is the best!)

Comedycook · 10/09/2021 17:22

My parents are dead but if they were alive, I think I'd get help. My grandparents always helped my parents. Most of my friends get help from their parents...with cars, furniture, deposits, renovations etc. My mil is wealthy but probably wouldn't throw crumbs at our children if they were starving to death. It's a huge bone of contention in my relationship.

Oblomov21 · 10/09/2021 17:32

My mum sends a cheque for £100 for my birthday and also at Christmas. I think that's very sweet and it touches me.

Jerseygirl12 · 10/09/2021 17:34

No but I’ve been able to help my DC with a 60k deposit in his first flat.

StopCryingYourHeartOut · 10/09/2021 17:38

I'm 32, single mum now with a young child.
Me and my siblings have never had anything big gifted to us. It's always surprising but interesting to sometimes hear how others live, with parents paying for holidays, house deposits, first cars etc.

I'm not bitter about it though, it's just the way of the world, life isn't fair.

Dad does give me the odd bit of cash now and again like £20 and says put that towards some new clothes for my son etc. But only since my marriage ended.

I'm sure if things were different they would have liked to help out with childcare etc but one of my parents has significant health problems now and the other parent is the carer so they can't help but would have loved to if they could.

speakout · 10/09/2021 17:41

Not all parents are in a sitiation to help.

I grew up in a council estate, we were very poor, my father died early and my mother is now on state pension.

I am sure my parents would have liked to help financially, but was never an option.

AngelDelight28 · 10/09/2021 17:45

I had a lot of help when I was in my late teens and 20s - help with living costs at uni, driving lessons and my Masters fees were paid for by parents.
I also got money for a house deposit.
I'm very thankful for it all and realise how fortunate I am to have had this help.
I come from a culture where it's expected that parents will help their children set up their adult life, and in return the children are expected to look after the parents when they're old, or at least live nearby and pay for a carer, and visit regularly. So, I'll be doing that.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 10/09/2021 17:46

Yes. Very lucky. Parents and in laws wealthy. Have given us very large sums towards house deposit. Luxury holidays every couple of years all paid for (we all go together). They pay if we go out for dinner. Countless other generosities as well as LOTS of childcare. I will do the same for my DC.

Despite growing up in this environment my sister and I have never asked for a penny and we don’t need the cash. Had Saturday jobs as teens. Worked hard and now have professional careers in the city so we are self sufficient. Same with DH. Parents wanted to pay DC school fees but we said no to that.

Payproblems · 10/09/2021 18:01

Dm in small amounts and df in small and larger amounts of a fee hundred.. Always hugely gratefully received esp when the babies born etc...

We. Only. Get. One. Life.

We will all die soon. I will give my dc as much as I can... As they need.. Why not make life easier if you can for the children you chose to bring unto this world!

Pebbledashery · 10/09/2021 18:03

Nope. Soon as I was 16 I got a Saturday job and started giving them money... Paid for all my driving lessons. My first car, my first holiday. My parents were never in a position to assist me financially in life as they were both working class, hard working immigrants, but I'm sure they would have if they could have.

Pebbledashery · 10/09/2021 18:04

DD.. I would give her my last penny if she needed it.
She's 3 and I've opened a savings account for her and paid all her Xmas and birthday money in and child benefits go into there too, hoping it'll be a good sum by the time she's 18.