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Original poster

Do you still get financial help/treats from your parents?

198 replies

littlepieces · 10/09/2021 10:21

Lots of people I know have everything from bills to holidays paid for by their families. I'm fascinated by this and wondered how common it is? I'm 35 and my parents haven't given me a penny since the day I left home (which is of course totally fine) and they don't really do gifts.

One friend, 32; her parents' paid for her car, the insurance and maintenance when she was at uni, have continued to pay for this throughout her adult life, so she has a mode of transport and can visit them. Quite a few friends in late 20s and 30s still have their phone contracts paid for by parents too.

Another friend, 40, gets her credit card bill paid for by her mum each month, (£30-40) and if she needs furniture or something for her flat, 9 times out of 10 her mum just buys it for her. Her mum also gave her £5,000 to get her bathroom done.

A colleague, 31, (pre pandemic) regularly had holidays paid for by her parents/grandparents because she 'deserved a break', and we're talking big trips to Tanzania, Cuba, Thailand, etc.

OP posts:
Rugsofhonour · 10/09/2021 12:09

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Gladioli23 · 10/09/2021 12:11

My parents don't give me that much cash help - but what they do give me is practical help. E.g. most years I ask for a DIY project as a birthday or Christmas gift - I'm happy to pay for the materials but I need their expertise.

My grandparents tend to go in more for cash gifts for which I am very grateful - but certainly no one is "regularly" helping me out - I pay my own phone bill etc. My parents bought my laptop when I was at uni, and my grandma bought me my sewing machine when I was a teenager, but I have bought my own phone for as long as I can remember.

PattyPan · 10/09/2021 12:12

While I was at uni my parents gave me some money for food and my phone bill but that is the way the student maintenance system is designed, parents are meant to top it up. DP didn’t get a maintenance loan because his parents just paid it all. We are 26 now and his parents gave us a few hundred quid for Christmas last year towards a specific home improvement and also bought him his car a few years ago when he moved out (they live rurally and he needed a car to be able to visit). We don’t get our lifestyle generally funded by parents though and they didn’t give us money towards our house deposit.

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YerAWizardHarry · 10/09/2021 12:13

No. And I’m getting to the stage where I think I’m going to have to financially help my mum soon, it’s a very difficult dynamic.

DPs parents gave us £10,000 “inheritance” on the provision it was used for a house or a wedding which just seems so so crazy to me. They also don’t let us pay for meals out etc

Magicstars · 10/09/2021 12:13

Yes my DPs help me out financially a lot, I am incredibly fortunate & grateful. I’m 38.

TabithaTiger · 10/09/2021 12:15

Yes, I'm very fortunate. My Dad always pays for anything to do with my car, so MOTs, services, tyres, etc, and they bought me a new washing machine last year when mine broke. I'm a single parent so don't have a lot of spare cash, despite earning a good salary, and they're very comfortable financially so want to help.

My own DC are young adults and I'm sad that I probably won't be able to do the same for them, although I do help as much as I can, I still pay their phone bills for them.

thecognoscenti · 10/09/2021 12:16

No. If anything I support them. They're not at all well off and if unexpected expenses arise I will offer to help pay them. We never had any money when I was growing up (no holidays or days out ever, if the washing machine broke clothes were washed by hand until they'd saved enough to pay for a repair). I deliberately chose a career where I could earn enough not to have to live that way, and that means I help them if I need to. It's not a setup I'd choose but there we are.

Smarshian · 10/09/2021 12:18

I’m 33 and have been very fortunate to get significant financial support from my DF. In the form of a house deposit, £100k last year to help pay off the mortgage, and monthly cash deposit of around £300. He also paid for my wedding. He is very wealthy though, and has a net worth of around £10million.
He has also said he would rather we (me and DB) have the money now whilst it can help us out than when we are older and less in need.
We have decent jobs and young families, it has allowed me to work 4 days rather than 5 due to reduced mortgage payments.

Chasingsquirrels · 10/09/2021 12:18

My parents funded my uni living costs (to the same amount as the then full grant - pre loans).
The last specific item they paid for was my professional registration fee 3 years after uni.
For the last 20 years they have given me a 4-figure sum each year as part of inheritance tax planning out of their regular income.
They helped enormously with childcare on a regular weekly basis over the years, moving across the country to be nearer to me.
They have also helped enormously (emotionally and practically) when my 1st H left our marriage when the children were small, and when my 2nd DH was diagnosed with cancer and then died 4-5 years ago.

My mum has been unwell this summer, and it really brings home that they are ageing ☹.

TheFlis12345 · 10/09/2021 12:18

Yes my parents are very generous. They funded me through uni and paid for our wedding. If they know we need a new appliance or something, they will (nicely) insist on paying for it or giving a contribution. They regularly pay for family meals and holidays. They are comfortably off and neither have expensive tastes in anything, so say they get the most pleasure in life treating their kids and grandchildren.

ParkheadParadise · 10/09/2021 12:24

Aye,
My mum would always have a bag of goodies when she came to my house.
She would give me her BOGOF.
It was always the same things
Teabags, bleach, washing up liquid.
6 cans of Irn bru, packet of tunnocks tea cakes and 6 square slice.
My older siblings never got one only me because I was the wean of the family. 😂😂😂😂😂

whoisit12 · 10/09/2021 12:24

I'm 36 with one DD, I work full time and my dad gives us both 'spends' most weeks and my parents constantly take us out for meals etc. It gives them joy and I will be the same with my dd when she's left home, I think some people are like that and some aren't

FfrothiCoffi · 10/09/2021 12:26

Yes. I’ve worked since 14, DH and I have well paid professional jobs and we have no money worries, but both sets of parents like to ‘treat’ us. My parents will pay for things around the house, pay for ‘services’ to help make our lives easier (like arranging for someone to clean our oven) as they know we’re busy with 2 full time jobs and 3 young kids. They also occasionally give us some cash towards child care as they’re not in a position to help out with it (live in another country).
DH’s parents live abroad too and will often pay for our flights to go and visit them, and while we’re there they will ‘treat’ us by paying for meals out etc.
A lot of it stems from the fact that they’re not close by so can’t help out with day to day stuff like babysitting as much as they’d like.
Both sets can afford it, and are of the opinion that they’d like to see us enjoy their money while they’re alive than us inherit it after their death.

TeeBee · 10/09/2021 12:29

Ha! I've never had a penny since I moved out at 18.

TinyTroubleMaker · 10/09/2021 12:33

Nothing not even a Christmas or Birthday present.

Travielkapelka · 10/09/2021 12:36

My parents paid for it uni and a wedding and then we were on our own, they’re extremely well off and assure us we will all get it one day!

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 10/09/2021 12:37

Absolutely not. They would help if I was really stuck but other than that I've made my own financial way in life.

JorisBonson · 10/09/2021 12:37

Yes, but it's all proportionate.

DF helped DH and I to buy a house as he has the money and had budgeted accordingly for it. He helped DB with the same amount. He's very generous by nature and doesn't let people put their hand in their pockets at the bar (I always manage to sneak in at least one round tho!), will send £40/£50 over if DH and I are on a night out to get a round in on him.

DM has nowhere near as much money and is always sad that she hasn't been able to help us out like DF has, but likes to take us for lunch / dinner when she visits.

Teaandbiscuits000 · 10/09/2021 12:38

My Mam bought my sofa when I moved into my flat 6 years ago, but they haven’t given/bought me anything since. I’m currently struggling to sell my flat, I think I need to reduce the price really but then I won’t be able to afford anything on the other end. My parents know this but haven’t offered to help. They have two mortgage free houses and generous pensions. Part of me knows it’s their money and they can do what they like with it (they don’t spend it, they are quite stingy) but also part of me is hurt they haven’t even offered me anything.

Lilyfalls · 10/09/2021 12:39

My siblings get a lot of help but I prefer not to as I don’t need it.

My Dad has paid for a weekly cleaner though (we have 3 under 3) and it’s the best gift ever.

I’d like the help all my children out. Weekly allowances at uni etc. even if we could only afford £50 a month of something I’d still do it as it’s the thought that counts. I had no help financially or emotionally and will do everything different with my babies.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/09/2021 12:39

Nope. My mum extremely selfish.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 10/09/2021 12:40

I don't begrudge my parents not handing out cash at all.

They have worked hard for what they have (well my dad has Hmm)

When my grandparents passed away the substantial inheritance was split four ways to my dad and his siblings and they then gave us a small amount each out of it which was lovely

I tell my parents to enjoy their hard earned money but I've also told them I hope they have made provisions for care when they are older as my generation won't be able to afford to pay towards it.

I also wouldn't expect my own children to fund my care and equally they don't expect handouts from us on a regular basis.

I buy the odd treat or breakfast or meal out for oldest adult ds but he currently earns a lot more than me and has hardly any outgoings so is saving for a deposit because we are def not in a position to help with that and neither were my parents when I was that age.

FreeBritnee · 10/09/2021 12:49

My dad passed me over around 12k before he died in various lump sums. My mum isn’t in a position to give me money. My MIL is very generous with my children and has given them all sorts from toys to cash.

My plans for the children as they become adults is to do everything I can to help them if they need it but I won’t be buying them carpets and holidays.

LittleCatDog · 10/09/2021 12:54

My mum still paid my phone bill until I was 29 and I was married with a baby on the way. It was just something we kept saying we would sort out for a decade and every contract renewal she just renewed it. My friends did massively take the piss for years.

Parents bought my first car then gave me the deposit for my second when I had left home. My mum probably gives me around £3k a year in cash here and there, she uses the inheritance early line too. Also pays for occasional trips, holidays, meals. She has also given me money to help moving house and always buys stuff for the house and does the DIY. She is extremely generous and always gives my brother the cash equivalent (he lives far away and they're not as close).

My Dad would never see us struggle, but he gets annoyed my mum gives us so much as he thinks once you leave home you should be self sufficient and the gravy train ends. Luckily mum has never listened and does what she wants Smile I hope I can help my kids out when they're older like she has helped me.

lanbro · 10/09/2021 12:55

Yes, regularly get little amounts into our bank accounts, especially if we're (me and dsis, both single parents) are going away or doing something. They often pay for meals and days out, and will 'loan' us money or help with big purchases but often don't want it back.

They also loan me money to help with my business - when I first started out They loaned xh and I over 30k but we repaid it within 18 months, with extra as interest. More recently they've loaned me 10k for a new venture with the promise of it back in 1 year.

I am very fortunate but not spoilt, I appreciate every single penny, and work very hard for my own money