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Original poster

Do you still get financial help/treats from your parents?

198 replies

littlepieces · 10/09/2021 10:21

Lots of people I know have everything from bills to holidays paid for by their families. I'm fascinated by this and wondered how common it is? I'm 35 and my parents haven't given me a penny since the day I left home (which is of course totally fine) and they don't really do gifts.

One friend, 32; her parents' paid for her car, the insurance and maintenance when she was at uni, have continued to pay for this throughout her adult life, so she has a mode of transport and can visit them. Quite a few friends in late 20s and 30s still have their phone contracts paid for by parents too.

Another friend, 40, gets her credit card bill paid for by her mum each month, (£30-40) and if she needs furniture or something for her flat, 9 times out of 10 her mum just buys it for her. Her mum also gave her £5,000 to get her bathroom done.

A colleague, 31, (pre pandemic) regularly had holidays paid for by her parents/grandparents because she 'deserved a break', and we're talking big trips to Tanzania, Cuba, Thailand, etc.

OP posts:
JustSayingItHowItIs · 10/09/2021 11:30

No. I think it's quite odd to expect and take money off your parents. You're an adult. What are you teaching your children. I get if someone is struggling but from your examples they don't sound like they struggle and just taking the piss tbh.

Dandy0911 · 10/09/2021 11:31

My parents have helped me out financially, and I've helped them out financially. As for treats, I'm 27 and no treats per say.

If I needed to borrow money I could, and vice versa if we had it available.

But they are v v generous with presents and gifts. So I count myself as very lucky.

ChristmasCocktail · 10/09/2021 11:35

Nope, if I needed to borrow money they would but apart from birthday and christmas I don't get anything apart from the odd thing like a egg poacher Grin. I don't need their money or treats - they support me In other ways.
I don't agree with grown adults relying on their elderly parents.

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Danniotley · 10/09/2021 11:38

I am 50 and my mum pays for a family holiday every year for us all. She also gives us chunks of money every couple of years. Last year she gave me £10000 for a new kitchen. I am very much of the view she should spend it on herself but she argues that she has everything she needs. My dad died suddenly when I was 25 and that was when the family holidays started and we just continued it every year.

DayDate · 10/09/2021 11:39

Actually one thing my Dad has always been really clear on is he's not lending anything. DSis asked for a loan when buying a flat with a partner so that she could put in equal (he'd had an inheritance) and Dad refused, but did (eventually with persuasion from mum) give her the money as a gift. They then gave me the same amount, even though at the time I had no need for it.

Original poster
littlepieces · 10/09/2021 11:40

Yeah I don't really care about not getting any money/inheritance from my parents. Hopefully it also means their care costs are covered in later life, which they have planned for. It's a worry having seen my grandparents with dementia navigate the care system, and the costs involved... Sad

OP posts:
DGFB · 10/09/2021 11:43

No and I don’t expect it. I’m an adult…

RiderGirl · 10/09/2021 11:44

Do they fuck! I've had very, very little from either of my parents throughout my life as an adult, have seen friends benefit from their parents kind generosity. I did once borrow £1000 off my mum when she had a large inheritance. Paid every penny back.

Chloemol · 10/09/2021 11:44

Yes occasionally, but all the three siblings get the same. We don’t ever ask, it’s just something they want to do every so often

Notcontent · 10/09/2021 11:44

@JustSayingItHowItIs

No. I think it's quite odd to expect and take money off your parents. You're an adult. What are you teaching your children. I get if someone is struggling but from your examples they don't sound like they struggle and just taking the piss tbh.
But why is it odd? I have a very close relationship with my parents. They help me out in lots of different ways. In the future, if they need help from me then I will help them. We are family - not friends or strangers. I plan to do the same with my dd. My home will always be her home and I will always help her out in life.
RiderGirl · 10/09/2021 11:44

Just to add I don't expect or feel entitled to their money either and do OK on my own.

Blitzes · 10/09/2021 11:46

Nope. I was expected to get a job as soon as I was old enough (13 dishwashing and glass collecting) to cover anything “fun or frivolous” I wanted like CDs or clothes. I remember while at uni I didn’t get my loan one term because my stepdad was self employed and his financial situation changed so they reassessed me and I spoke to my mum because I had nothing at all and she said tough that’s your issue!

I also don’t expect I’ll inherit anything and that’s fine

Zenithbear · 10/09/2021 11:46

No I don't think it's common in my generation and while my dps are wealthy, I have much more than them. They don't inheritance planning.
We get cash gifts at Christmas - a few hundred.
I intend to help my dc out but they all had inheritances early so I don't need to at the moment.

DaphneduM · 10/09/2021 11:49

My daughter is in her early 30's - she and my son-in-law work hard and have a toddler. While they have fairly good jobs, money is sometimes a bit tight. On the other hand, we're fairly comfortably retired and have most things we need, apart from small bits of work on our house which we've lived in for about two years. I love to help them out when I can, not just money, but with my time as well. I passed on my small inheritance from my parents to them for a house deposit, bought bits and pieces for our grandson, and help out from time to time with cash and presents. We provide a couple of days a week childcare to save on nursery fees. Our boy has been very poorly this week, so I've been at their house to enable my daughter to work rather than losing a couple of days pay. I feel so fortunate that we were able to move to be near to them so we get to see them loads and enjoy a close relationship with them all, particularly our little grandson. We are, however, very conscious of boundaries and would never overstep and interfere. But we like to help - sometimes when asked, and sometimes of our own volition.

cravingthelook · 10/09/2021 11:52

I don't get financial, practical or emotional support from my parents. Never have, don't expect I ever will (they've also been separated since I was 5) I've not seen my 'father' since I was around 14.

Thurlow · 10/09/2021 11:56

Yes. They are helping with the deposit for our new property - but it is a loan and it’s because they know we’re slightly stretching to buy the big forever home. They wouldn’t have helped if we were just moving because we were bored with our house!

My brother is shit with money and they’ve had to bail him out quite a lot, or they give money for his kids in the summer holidays. They like to be fair so they give us the same amount, even though we don’t need it. I often put a lot of it into the kids bank accounts for their future.

We’re very lucky. They don’t throw money at us at all but I know if, for example, one of us lost our job, they would help out so we didn’t lose our house while we were getting back on our feet.

missingeu · 10/09/2021 11:57

nope, my mum is such a tight arse. She rather have £800K in the bank than ever help any of us out. Despite the fact that everything was handed to her on a plate.

BrilliantBetty · 10/09/2021 11:59

I am 30.
I don't often need help any more but up until now they'd offer to pay for things here and there. If my car needed fixing, they'd transfer me some money. My mum buys my beauty products because she is shopping in John Lewis a lot and seems to like buying me little treats.
Or if we go out to restaurants / cafe they always pay. They'd always offer to help out if I ever needed.

They covered all of uni for me, so thankfully I have no debt.

And holidays, yes my mum wants us to go away with them and she will book it and pay for a villa or hotel. We would probably cover our flights.

I hope to be able to do the same sort of thing for my DC.

MrsToadflax · 10/09/2021 12:00

Yes. They do it as part of their estate planning. They have money for possible future care needs, have plenty of disposable income to enjoy life and then give some to family. They want to share their good fortune and ensure none of us struggle. They give to our DC to build up their savings, so they have a hope of buying a house in the future. We don't take it for granted, certainly never ask for it and do not spend gratuitously, but we don't have to worry about money and feel very lucky for that.

NapoleonOzmolysis · 10/09/2021 12:01

They bought me a fridge when I bought my first house and paid for my wedding cake (and then took the leftovers home at the end of the day) but will buy me an ice cream when we go out so that's OK Grin

Pearbear · 10/09/2021 12:05

Nope, since I started a newspaper round at 13 I’ve bought everything I’ve needed. Last year because I need a decent car for my job they offered me an interest free loan to buy a car but it’s paid back each month without fail.

Knittingupastorm · 10/09/2021 12:06

Not really. They’ll pay if we go out somewhere, and they sometimes post little presents for DD (books etc) outside of Christmas and birthday, but no regular money and no large amounts. I’d never expect it.

We get the equivalent of a fair amount of money from PILs in that MIL looks after DD one day a week to save on nursery fees. We obviously pay if she does any activities with her and provide nappies etc, but we don’t pay a general amount for childcare. So MIL isn’t out of pocket, but we get a financial boost.

AuntieMarys · 10/09/2021 12:07

I'm in my 60s and give my adult dcs about £5000 a year each. I do it because I can.
They are buying houses next year in London.

LouNatics · 10/09/2021 12:07

I haven’t seen or heard from one parent for 25 years and the remaining parent died when I was 22, so I don’t have much experience of having parents in adulthood. But, my dead parent left me a small inheritance which I still dip into now and again and declare it a treat from them, eg I’ll take my DC out for a day out and use the inheritance savings for it and feel like it was a gift from them.

TrivialSoul · 10/09/2021 12:09

Yes, I am very lucky with the help my parents give. I have been unable to work due to sudden ill health and my parents have helped us with things like big school trip costs for the children, car repairs, random bags of food shopping. We are fortunate that they like to spend time with us as well, not just spend money on us so at times we feel like a family of 6 not a 4 and a 2. It really has been so good for the children, they have had experiences that we couldn't have provided for them.

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