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Original poster

Giving friends sibling a lift to secondary school. Would you do this?

416 replies

Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 08:36

DS is in year 8, his best friend lives in the street behind us. I'm friends with his mum. He has a sister who has just started year 7.

Last year, the boys did a mixture of walking and having lifts by both of us. The last couple of months DH shifts changed and he routinely gave DS and his friend a lift to school. We have to drive past their street anyway.

The mum has now asked if we would pick the sister up on the way past too. I'm not sure I want to start this but I don't really know why. How would you feel about it?

(I know I'll get replies saying they should make their own way to school but it's a long walk and DS had a pretty horrible experience last year. Giving him a lift suits us all much better)

OP posts:
LadyCatStark · 03/09/2021 08:38

If you’re giving one sibling a lift, I don’t see why it’s a big deal to give the other one too. The mum should be giving you petrol money though.

longwayoff · 03/09/2021 08:38

Why wouldn't you? Odd.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2021 08:39

If he's picking up DS's friend it would be quite mean not to pick up the sister too.

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Timeforabiscuit · 03/09/2021 08:40

No, it turns too quickly to an expectation, it adds time and inconvenience and they haven't mentioned it being reciprocal. Occasionally when it's bad weather is fine, but not regularly.

Travel time is one of the few occasions dd will open up to me about stuff, so I do value the one on one time.

TedGlenn · 03/09/2021 08:40

Eh? Do they all go to the same school?

If so, I can't imagine any reason why you wouldn't.

Miniroofbox · 03/09/2021 08:40

Yeah it’s be a bit mean not to pick them both up in the circumstances

OrangeTortoise · 03/09/2021 08:40

No harm in giving a lift to both kids if you're giving DS a lift anyway. But you should make it clear that it may not happen every day and may not continue like this.

MoiraNotRuby · 03/09/2021 08:40

Of course I would!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 03/09/2021 08:42

You can’t pick up one without the other

THisbackwithavengeance · 03/09/2021 08:44

Why on earth wouldn't you?

Can't believe you and others on here would consider otherwise.

It's a kind act that will cost you nothing.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2021 08:45

Yes, def pick up the best friend and leave his 11 yo sister standing on the side of the road. That's perfectly reasonable

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 08:47

As I said, I'm not sure why I don't want to do it. I suppose it feels like a change from a casual arrangement to providing transport for them. DS isn't friends with the sister, it'll change the dynamic in the car. They get dropped about a 15 minute walk away from school so the sister will then be tagging along instead of making arrangements with her own friends.

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 03/09/2021 08:48

I understand why you’re reluctant. It will change the dynamic in the car - instead of DD and his best friend there will also be a younger girl - the friend will probably be annoyed by having to have his sister there and your DS might feel awkward. The girl will probably soon make friends that she’d rather walk with though so I’d say fine for now and hope it doesn’t continue for too long.

TenThousandSpoons · 03/09/2021 08:48

X post with you OP.

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 08:50

SleepingStandingUp DH would obviously not do that!!

Just to clarify we would never pick up one child and not the other!

As I said, it feels like a casual arrangement between DS and his mate has now turned into a commitment to provide transport for these 2 kids.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2021 08:50

@Coolter272

As I said, I'm not sure why I don't want to do it. I suppose it feels like a change from a casual arrangement to providing transport for them. DS isn't friends with the sister, it'll change the dynamic in the car. They get dropped about a 15 minute walk away from school so the sister will then be tagging along instead of making arrangements with her own friends.
Presumably if you refuse, he won't be allowed to travel with you tho so even if Ds waits for them, mother sister will still be tag along
Timeforabiscuit · 03/09/2021 08:50

Sometimes I wonder if there are two tribes on mumsnet, one that is nothing but a pollyanna like world and then the one where I live- why on earth would you pick up two extra people who aren't you're responsibility to be fucking nice?!?

Nice can sod off and take a drop kick, your taking the eldest as their mates - would you do it for anything else?

Cameila · 03/09/2021 08:52

It’s no extra effort getting the sibling to school is there? Just because your child won’t get exclusive time with his friend is not a good enough reason to refuse to give his sister a lift. In fact it will be really really mean not to, just so your son can chat with a friend for 15 minutes on the way to school. Just think about it if you were in the other parents’ shoes

kaleidoscopeheartless · 03/09/2021 08:54

I'd start off giving the sister a lift too and as the school years goes on she might make friends to walk with.

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 08:55

Cameila actually if I was the other parent I would absolutely not ask for the sister to have a lift. I'd treat them as individuals. My son gets a lift in with his best mate, my daughter needs to decide how she wants to get to school whether that's walking in with a friend, me getting my arse up and out and driving her or me paying for the school bus.

OP posts:
Leftphalange · 03/09/2021 08:57

I'd say to her that you don't mind taking the sister when you take DS but obviously they might walk the odd time so can't guarantee a lift, and that she could be taking them in too sometimes so you won't be doing it everyday. That way it isn't a formal agreement where you do the run each day and it is kept casual.

LizziesTwin · 03/09/2021 08:58

The real issue is that you are now in a lift rota to school with only your family driving. Why isn’t the other family offering to help at all?

Akire · 03/09/2021 08:58

If it’s long walk she’s going “tag along” anyway or is she supposed walk 200meters behind? Long as everyone aware you tell them night before if making their own way so can leave earlier. Don’t be mean! They have all day together to chat

Odisia · 03/09/2021 08:59

If there's space in the car I can't see why you wouldn't.

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 09:00

Leftphalange the problem with that is that I then get daily texts asking how they're getting to school, that's what happened last year and I just don't have time for it most mornings. It became easier to just say, this is the arrangement and we stuck with it.

Hopefully DS will gain some confidence in walking to school again as the year goes on or he can start organising it with his mate instead of me being involved.

OP posts:
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