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Original poster

Giving friends sibling a lift to secondary school. Would you do this?

416 replies

Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 08:36

DS is in year 8, his best friend lives in the street behind us. I'm friends with his mum. He has a sister who has just started year 7.

Last year, the boys did a mixture of walking and having lifts by both of us. The last couple of months DH shifts changed and he routinely gave DS and his friend a lift to school. We have to drive past their street anyway.

The mum has now asked if we would pick the sister up on the way past too. I'm not sure I want to start this but I don't really know why. How would you feel about it?

(I know I'll get replies saying they should make their own way to school but it's a long walk and DS had a pretty horrible experience last year. Giving him a lift suits us all much better)

OP posts:
Name12341 · 03/09/2021 09:01

The parents were probably planning on the brother walking with the younger sister considering he was walking until you started the lifts, and now they either have to tell DS to turn down your lifts or ask you to take the sister too.
Unless you know the sister has friends living very close who will be walking to school then that seems the most likely scenario.

Cupoftea53 · 03/09/2021 09:02

I understand your reluctance. I have never wanted to commit to taking other children to school but then mine are primary aged so there is often fuss and feet dragging over brushing teeth, shoes on etc and adding other kids to the mix would just add to the stress. If they are secondary age though I guess that’s not an issue. I would say its fine so long as they are both at the pick up point etc on time.

toomuchlaundry · 03/09/2021 09:03

Do lots of children walk from around your area?

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Bimblybomeyelash · 03/09/2021 09:03

Now I’m really confused! Why on Earth doesn’t your husband drive your daughter to school?!

I’d definitely take the younger sister, but I’d make it clear that it’s not a solid arrangement and that it won’t be everyday or forever. I think it would be weird to take one child and refuse to take the other.

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 09:04

If it’s long walk she’s going “tag along” anyway or is she supposed walk 200meters behind? Long as everyone aware you tell them night before if making their own way so can leave earlier. Don’t be mean! They have all day together to chat

Do siblings walk to secondary school together? My brother is 18 months older than me and we wouldn't ever have considered doing that. He went with his mates, I went with mine. Our paths never crossed.

DS and his friend aren't in any classes together so they only see eachother during morning break. They don't have all day together to chat.

OP posts:
VanCleefArpels · 03/09/2021 09:06

If you are friends with the other mum why not say to her the things you have said here, in particular your concern that this turns into an obligation as opposed to a favour. Better to have this out now rather than creating resentment later on

SpacePotato · 03/09/2021 09:06

If they were my children and you said no, I would expect the son to walk to school with his sister until she felt confident enough to get herself there, and even then I'd think ot was a shitty thing for you to pick up one child and leave the other when they are going to the same place.

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 09:07

Bimblybomeyelash I was replying from the other parents perspective. That's what I'd do if I was her.

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 03/09/2021 09:07

“Of course, if we’re picking DS’s friend up, it’s no problem at all to pick up sister. Just to avoid any misunderstandings in future, though, we can’t commit to this on an everyday or permanent basis. Definitely wouldn’t leave sister on the street though!”

Odisia · 03/09/2021 09:07

I agree with Spacepotato

Bimblybomeyelash · 03/09/2021 09:08

Do siblings walk to secondary school together?

I imagine that the average year 7 walks with an older sibling for the first few days at least! Your child gets driven because he doesn’t want to do the walk, so surely you can imagine that another parent might not want their new year 7 to do the walk alone when they have an older sibling?

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/09/2021 09:09

You are the ones inserting yourselves in their family dynamic, can you not see that? They won’t want their ds’s younger sister to walk a long way alone at 11. So you suck it up, just give your ds lifts from now on or allow them all to walk together.

SD1978 · 03/09/2021 09:10

How do they get home? Since you've already fallen into this with your sons friend, for me, I'd say either you pick up both, or stop the arrangement. She very well may find another way to get there and may even want to take the bus, depending on her own friendship group once she gets a bit more confident.

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 09:10

SpacePotato if the sister needs her brother to walk into school with her that that's absolutely fine. We've got our own arrangements for DS, giving his friend a lift in daily has been a kindness on our part. I dont think us not wanting to commit to proving transport for the sister aswell is 'shitty' of us. We're not a taxi service!

OP posts:
Dozer · 03/09/2021 09:11

Would give friend’s DD a lift, but reduce the no of lifts to 2/3 times a week and make clear that at any time you might change the arrangement.

Don’t think avoidance of walking to school is a helpful way for DS to recover from a bad incident. Avoidance tends to worsen anxiety.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 03/09/2021 09:11

I'd not pick up one child and leave the other metaphorically standing on the doorstep.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/09/2021 09:13

I would buy I think you need to have a clear discussion about what happens when you can't do it or the boys decide they want to talk, because they will at some point.

supermum87 · 03/09/2021 09:13

I think that's cheeky of them to ask too! They are taking advantage of you already doing them a favour. If I was them I'd say. Would you mind taking little sister and we can do week about lifts. It's much fairer then.

I'd reply. "Hi, I don't mind doing this but to lighten the load why don't we take turns week about doing lifts, it would work well for DH to get to work slightly earlier"

inappropriateraspberry · 03/09/2021 09:14

If the trips being done anyway, what's wrong with giving them a lift? It's not out of your way and saves money and time and is better for the environment.
It's a nice thing to do. Just make sure you give plenty of notice if you can't do the trip and they know they will be walking instead.
Be nice and do a kind thing.

Elieza · 03/09/2021 09:14

I wonder how the sister gets there at present? Does she walk with her pal?

Are you likely to get the pal also wanting a lift?

Or does the girl walk alone so it’s fine, or perhaps she was scared too and walked with her brother for safety and can’t now if he’s with you hence wants a lift? Fair enough.

Are they prepared to some of the drop offs if this becomes a routine between your two households?

It may suit you to send dc round there on foot two days a week and you do the school run on the remaining three days?

It’s just growing arms and legs this thing innit!! (Head explodes)

ClaryFairchild · 03/09/2021 09:14

Both or neither - anything else is totally bizarre. But ONLY if they're both ready.

Or you could encourage them to bike ride instead?

thoughtso · 03/09/2021 09:15

I actually can't believe you are considering not giving a lift to the sister, I'm sorry but that is the shitty thing ever!

Please don't teach your son your values, we don't need more of this kind of value system in the world!

PumpkinPatch21 · 03/09/2021 09:15

How many times does the other parent give lifts a week? If it was equal I wouldn't mind... but if your doing all the driving I would be peeved off too.

toomuchlaundry · 03/09/2021 09:18

@Elieza the sister will be just starting at this school in Y7

Cameila · 03/09/2021 09:20

The girl is only 11, just starting secondary, probably feeling lost, hasn’t made any friends to go with yet. I’m sure things will change in a few months like it does with all kids. I’m remembering when my DD started secondary and needed to take the train (six minutes ride) every day. It would’ve been lovely having an older sibling going along. Within a few months she had found friends and figured things out.
I’m sorry but I just can’t see your point of view, I would rather help out a little girl than think of my DS’s 15 mins of companionship on the way to school. These are little things that build children’s character – learning to give up small things to help others out.