Giving friends sibling a lift to secondary school. Would you do this?

[Coolter272]

DS is in year 8, his best friend lives in the street behind us. I'm friends with his mum. He has a sister who has just started year 7.

Last year, the boys did a mixture of walking and having lifts by both of us. The last couple of months DH shifts changed and he routinely gave DS and his friend a lift to school. We have to drive past their street anyway.

The mum has now asked if we would pick the sister up on the way past too. I'm not sure I want to start this but I don't really know why. How would you feel about it?

(I know I'll get replies saying they should make their own way to school but it's a long walk and DS had a pretty horrible experience last year. Giving him a lift suits us all much better)

@Mummyoflittledragon oh yes, I am eventually free!

Hi OP, I would tell CF parent to tell her two to set off walking to school by themselves every day and on the days you are available to give them both a lift, will stop the car and do so as you see them along the route walking.
This way there is no expectation from their side and you give lifts as and when you want to.
I have been stung with a similar unofficial arrangement like yours in the past. Yes you do feel guilty driving past them walking in on the days you don't want to offer a lift but ultimately they are not your responsibility.
This way CF has to make her own arrangements

Has CF mum offered to pick them all up after school? How do they normally get home, @Coolter272?

[quote FannyMorgan]@Mummyoflittledragon oh yes, I am eventually free! [/quote]
Well done that sounds truly horrendous! 😅

I can't believe this to be honest. You choose to drive your kid to school - that doesn't mean the other parent has to receprocate and why would you not pick up the other kid. Changes the dynamic in the car? How old are you honestly - it's a 15 min drive to school not a stag night. If I was the other Mum I would want my kids to go in together - hopefully your son won't mind missing out on his time with his friend in the morning just because you wanted to be awkward

Why wouldn't you? if taking the sibling and you pass their street. If I was the siblings mum, I would want them going in together at least until the younger sister made some friends etc

Send them all on the school bus?

@whatthejiggeries

I can't believe this to be honest. You choose to drive your kid to school - that doesn't mean the other parent has to receprocate and why would you not pick up the other kid. Changes the dynamic in the car? How old are you honestly - it's a 15 min drive to school not a stag night. If I was the other Mum I would want my kids to go in together - hopefully your son won't mind missing out on his time with his friend in the morning just because you wanted to be awkward

Awkward? OP is recovering from surgery.

So you would let a young girl walk on her own when she could easily get a lift with you

If I were the other parent I'd ensure my DS hangs out with your DS less and less and walks to school with his DD till they both have better friends to walk with

Have the last few posters not RTFT??
THE OTHER PARENTS ARE BOTH ABLE TO DRIVE THEIR CHILDREN TO SCOOL, BUT CHOOSE NOT TO. INSTEAD THEY EXPECT OP'S HUSBAND TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CHILDREN GETTING TO SCHOOL! WHY???!

Obviously SCHOOL, not scool!

My eldest has been in secondary school for 4 years. She walks herself there. She doesn't want a lift and has only accepted one once when it was heavy snow and I picked her friend up too. My first discussion when my younger daughter started secondary height school was, "Right, so how are we getting you there? You want mum to drive you there?"

They are two separate children. One has never wanted me to take her. If my second had wanted a lift off me we would have driven past her own sister every morning happily. I would never want to force my second child on to her sister or with her sister's friends.

And when I pick up friends of my children, I don't offer a bus service for their siblings, cousins, neighbours or anyone else we pass "just because I'm heading that way anyway", 7 seater car or not! I'm doing my daughter a favour that benefits her friends too, not being a transport service.

@SmokyLittleBeefBath

Have the last few posters not RTFT?? THE OTHER PARENTS ARE BOTH ABLE TO DRIVE THEIR CHILDREN TO SCOOL, BUT CHOOSE NOT TO. INSTEAD THEY EXPECT OP'S HUSBAND TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CHILDREN GETTING TO SCHOOL! WHY???!

This ^^ And the OP is recovering from major surgery. And the other mum is sitting on her arse in her PJ's.

Just drop the rope.
No more lifts for anyone.
Just no can do.

I don't understand how this is an issue. And what's the point in a parent worrying about the dynamics of the friendship of two young boys? It sorts itself out.

OP - sounds like you've had a rough time healthwise Hide the thread and look after yourself. Doesn't matter what us randoms think.

I wouldn’t unless it was split between families. The only bit of lockdown schools I enjoyed was I didn’t have to give lift to neighbours teenager( who was late every single day and late on return journey too). 3 years fucking years!
When it started it was shared! Never again.
I wouldn’t care my DD and her weren’t even friends. I loved it when she didn’t get lift. My DD really opened up about her day.

@LizziesTwin

The real issue is that you are now in a lift rota to school with only your family driving. Why isn’t the other family offering to help at all?

This - I would be suggesting taking turns or a week on/week off arrangement.

Any update OP, what have you arranged to do?

I can't believe this is still going! Lots of new posts from people asking questions that I've already answered or making comments that I've already addressed.

Final update, I just messaged the mum along the lines of: 'sorry but we don't feel able to commit to that. DH's work shifts may well be changing soon. In the meantime, if xxxx still wants a lift in with DS then tell him to wait outside the house as usual but if he'd rather make his way in with xxxxx (sister) then no worries'

She just replied saying no probs.

I feel much better about things now. It would have turned into a right headache. DS says he's quite happy just his dad taking him in and meeting his other mates for the last bit of the walk so it makes no odds really.

Excellent update OP

Now, let's see how that can be twisted against you.....

SmokyLittleBeefBath 😄I'm intruiged to find out although most of the people who posted absolute guff didn't have the bottle to even reply when I called them out on it so they'll probably stay under their bridges.

Well done OP I hope your health recovers soon

Coolter272

Let's hope so

As long as petrol money is being paid, I don’t see why not.