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Original poster

Weirdest thing someone's said to you just after sex...?

180 replies

Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 15:54

Out of sympathy for the traumatised @Sanddown, I thought I'd share the weirdest thing someone said to me after sex.

After my divorce, I was seduced by a gorgeous guy. It was just like that Brad Pitt scene in Thelma and Louise.

When I woke the next morning, I heard him say, "You're SO beautiful," and I opened my eyes in surprise... to see him -- LOOKING IN THE MIRROR 🤨

It turned out to be a bit of a clue as to how the next 6 years would go, but at the time I was grateful anyway 😋

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/08/2021 16:06

"I'm going to have to get up, my mum needs me to take her to church"

CaptSkippy · 27/08/2021 16:09

@Alcemeg Ugh, that reminds me of that scene from Silence of the Lambs.

marmaladehound · 27/08/2021 16:15

OMG both too funny. I am just going to sit here and enjoy!

JustAnother0ldMan · 27/08/2021 16:17

“Ooh I’ve got cramp in my foot now”

FrankGrillosFloof · 27/08/2021 16:18

Maybe not the weirdest but I got a pat on the head and a ‘well done’ for a bj

Original poster
Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 16:34

Loving the replies 🤣

I just remembered another one (different bloke):
"Your skin feels like rubber."

It didn't last... I can't remember who ended it. Presumably him 😋

OP posts:
Kenneldogsrock · 27/08/2021 16:36

Move over…this my side and that’s yours. He then drew a line down the middle of the bed! Even now 20 years later I’m wtaf?!

Billandben444 · 27/08/2021 16:38

I had a FWB for a couple of years and immediately after sex he'd say something really mundane (so I didn't get lovey-dovey praps - no chance!). He'd lie there, still sweaty and breathless and say 'That wardrobe door doesn't hang straight' or 'Is your MOT due soon as you ought to book it in' and once even said 'It feels like winter's on its way, it sure does'.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 16:39

@Kenneldogsrock

Move over…this my side and that’s yours. He then drew a line down the middle of the bed! Even now 20 years later I’m wtaf?!
I wish I didn't read that as meaning you've been together for 20 years and there's a barbed-wire fence installed down the middle of the bed! 😂
OP posts:
ElizaDoolots · 27/08/2021 16:39

“What did you say your name was again?”

Original poster
Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 16:40

@Billandben444

I had a FWB for a couple of years and immediately after sex he'd say something really mundane (so I didn't get lovey-dovey praps - no chance!). He'd lie there, still sweaty and breathless and say 'That wardrobe door doesn't hang straight' or 'Is your MOT due soon as you ought to book it in' and once even said 'It feels like winter's on its way, it sure does'.
I could get off on this, though. I like the home maintenance aspects. A man who takes his responsibilities seriously in all situations 😁😁😁
OP posts:
Original poster
Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 16:40

home and car maintenance

OP posts:
JurassicPark101 · 27/08/2021 16:41

I once had incredibly awkward sex with a man who was very shy and self conscious. It was all under the covers, he couldn’t bring himself to actually touch me, a couple of minutes missionary and he was done. He rolls over and says “wow, we have such sexual chemistry. I have never had such intense sex with anyone before, ever.” Confused

iklboo · 27/08/2021 16:48

'I'm going to have to go to confession about this'.

Samcro7 · 27/08/2021 16:52

I was wearing a blue top and socks.... He said I looked like Donald Duck... We've now been together 8 years 😂

Hen2018 · 27/08/2021 17:31

Almost completely impotent ex used to get angry with me about it. Once I got, “I never had this problem with Dawn”. (His ex wife).

He couldn’t understand why I didn’t like that remark.

Snowdrop30 · 27/08/2021 17:41

"There are women I respect, and women I sleep with right away" (friend who I ended up in bed with). He got shown the door, immediately. Before I was even dressed. Something of a record, really.

BasicDad · 27/08/2021 17:46

"Welcome to the AIDS club" 😱

ikinw · 27/08/2021 17:59

Does before sex count? I had been with my (now) ex for about 9 months and built up the courage to ask him if he had any fantasies or something he would like to try. (I meant try together!) He blurted out that he loves black ladies and would love to sleep with a black lady as he finds their skin colour beautiful. I am not a black lady!

wizzywig · 27/08/2021 18:01

@BasicDad whaaaat?

FuckingFabulous · 27/08/2021 18:02

"That was quite rapey"

What?? We both consented and it was pretty vanilla and of average duration. What was happening in his mind I do not know, but I was weirded out by that!

Original poster
Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 18:02

Ouf!!!!! everyone...

@BasicDad was it true? or were they just being psycho?!

@ikinw not having black skin, in that situation, is a bit like me having rubber for skin.

OP posts:
wendywoopywoo222 · 27/08/2021 18:03

When you come you look like Stevie Wonder.

BarefootHippieChick · 27/08/2021 18:04

I honestly can't think of anything weird anyone's ever said to me, but I'll be lurking this thread now for ideas 😁

ShitShop · 27/08/2021 18:22

@wendywoopywoo222

When you come you look like Stevie Wonder.
Grin sorry but that one is hilarious!! Made me proper chuckle