Weirdest thing someone's said to you just after sex...?

[Alcemeg]

Out of sympathy for the traumatised @Sanddown, I thought I'd share the weirdest thing someone said to me after sex.

After my divorce, I was seduced by a gorgeous guy. It was just like that Brad Pitt scene in Thelma and Louise.

When I woke the next morning, I heard him say, "You're SO beautiful," and I opened my eyes in surprise... to see him -- LOOKING IN THE MIRROR 🤨

It turned out to be a bit of a clue as to how the next 6 years would go, but at the time I was grateful anyway 😋

Post shag on the bedroom floor (can’t remember why we didn’t use the bed) with boyfriend of 6 weeks, “Will you marry me?”. I must be good

I said yes and he proposed again in the grotto at Stourhead when he’d bought a ring. Bought a house with him and stayed together for 6 years. Never actually married him though!

@JurassicPark101

I had absolutely amazing sex after which my partner said “classic intercourse” and offered me a bag of Wotsits. We’re still together ❤️

Did he take you to an owl sanctuary?

"My god, it's like a furnace" referring to my obviously very hot vagina the first time we had sex.

"It's like kryptonite you know" as he lay there dying after a blow job and I was laughing at his inability to m

Inability to move or to much more than groan. I miss him, he was great in bed but just a fwb.

"Only (some number) more miles to go" during the first ever blow job I gave age 15. He'd fallen asleep pissed but did wake up to finish the well, job.

"Well, that was adequate" I divorced him.

My ex would cry. Turnt out to be a rar anyway lol

"You look like Bobby Gillespie (from Primal Scream) with that haircut." Said by my then fiancé.
DH likes to say ,"thanks mate" and gives me 2 thumbs up. He thinks he's amusing.

@grandmashotdoodlebugs

Lovely banging hot sex in a steamy shower.... he's moaning oh yes type stuff... He moans more, shouts oh yes, shouts OH FUCK and I kid you not, he comes and faints. In the shower. Out cold. All tangled up and twisted limbs.

I turn the shower off calling his name, get towels, cover him, a pillow, wonder what the fuck I'm going to do (too heavy to lift or move, deciding what to do, consider the embarrassment of calling my brother.....

He wakes up on the shower floor now half hanging out the shower door and says

Did I have an orgasm ?

Rofl . Did he mean him or you?

@DiscoStusMoonboots

He said "lovely... LOVELY!" like the necktie strangler in 'Frenzy', then finished off by announcing, "Nice way to end a Tuesday evening".

Lol!

Ten seconds after an amazing orgasm there’s a noise outside and he shouts “THE BINS!” and leaps off the bed as he stumbles around trying to get his knob in his pants.

I said 'that was pretty good, wasn't it?' And he made a scoffing noise and said 'well...' or something!

But there was another one who wasn't expecting it at all and he said 'well, that was a bonus.'

Both bellends in different ways. I've shagged some real dickheads.

I didn't expect you to be so good at your age

I was 41 , he was 36 🙄

@Garriet what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich town centre?

@ikinw

Does before sex count? I had been with my (now) ex for about 9 months and built up the courage to ask him if he had any fantasies or something he would like to try. (I meant try together!) He blurted out that he loves black ladies and would love to sleep with a black lady as he finds their skin colour beautiful. I am not a black lady!

Howling 😂😂😂😂. I’m black and um - no thanks to the dark skin fetish - we get this alll the time!

@wendywoopywoo222 I think you win.

Are you sure you haven't had any kids

@Squeakycatflap

Ten seconds after an amazing orgasm there’s a noise outside and he shouts “THE BINS!” and leaps off the bed as he stumbles around trying to get his knob in his pants.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

OMFG some of these.Especially the Stevie Wonder and the Ohh Marvin. Crying with laughter here!

When he left my house in the morning he said "see you later pussy". He was talking to my cat who just rang out the front door but we were both laughing and still laugh about it now!

Also, 'that was great, and all done by 10pm'

Done by 10pm sounds great to me.

I'd once just finished sex with a guy when his phone rang. It was his mum and she was giving him a bollocking and he dressed quickly while she was telling him off.

@monicacat

Are you sure you haven't had any kids

fs you might remember. Did you ask him 'are you sure you can't get any bigger? That barely touched the sides of my obviously cavernous vadge'

Not funny like many others, but FWB once said 'Thank you' he might as well have just slapped some cash on the bedside table.

Got told that would be the end of the WB if he ever made me feel that way again.

I used to be better than that

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe

Not relevant but dp came home rather drunk and very frisky a few weeks ago. I just laughed because I knew he wouldnt rise to the occasion so to speak...... After a few minutes he looked up at me, so, so sad and stark bollock naked then looked down at his flacid knob and with a trembly voice said ' oh, it's not working' looking every bit the rejected puppy.

I of course did the kind thing and laughed so hard I'm surprised I didnt die. In fact I still bring it up at least once a day and probably will for the rest of my life. 😂😂😂

Fuck I laughed reading that!!

@Mother87

"Women don't need orgasms". Reader I married him. We have issues. Still love him though

Oh my god wwhyyyy