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Original poster

Weirdest thing someone's said to you just after sex...?

180 replies

Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 15:54

Out of sympathy for the traumatised @Sanddown, I thought I'd share the weirdest thing someone said to me after sex.

After my divorce, I was seduced by a gorgeous guy. It was just like that Brad Pitt scene in Thelma and Louise.

When I woke the next morning, I heard him say, "You're SO beautiful," and I opened my eyes in surprise... to see him -- LOOKING IN THE MIRROR 🤨

It turned out to be a bit of a clue as to how the next 6 years would go, but at the time I was grateful anyway 😋

OP posts:
Dontsayyouloveme · 28/08/2021 00:17

After a very drunk one night stand with someone I didn’t even like 🤦🏻‍♀️ he said ‘I suppose I have to ask for your telephone number now?’ I said ‘the front door is on your left’. Tw@t!

Alpenguin · 28/08/2021 00:21

An ex would thank me afterwards. Without fail he’s get up to pee afterwards, nod in my direction and say “thank you” - I think he believed he was being sincere but in reality it was just bloody odd. If he hasn’t been such a good shag I’d have got rid after first time

WaterIsBest · 28/08/2021 00:24

@iklboo
'I'm going to have to go to confession about this'…………………..

I would of replied ‘Yes, Youve been a naughty naughty boy’ 😂

WaayyTooMuch · 28/08/2021 00:25

Not sure what happened there, I usually have a much bigger deposit ( there was only a drop or two )

MissMojoRising · 28/08/2021 00:29

That was amazing. I wish I’d recorded it on my phone and we could watch it again.

FirstIn50s · 28/08/2021 00:33

Sorry I couldn’t help it, but I just need 5 minutes and I’ll bang you again. I waited, and he still lasted barely 30 seconds the second time!

noblegreenk · 28/08/2021 00:34

"Oh wow! You should take this up as a profession"

I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified 😂

bellmyring · 28/08/2021 00:40

You’re a better shag than your sister…that’s when I found out he’d had a short relationship with my DS a decade before.

lookoutmama · 28/08/2021 00:44

Can I take a photo of you like that. I’ll blur your face.

Garriet · 28/08/2021 00:45

“Aaaaahhhh, that got rid of the dirty water!”

That was the end of that.

BackToBedford · 28/08/2021 00:50

Him:Is everything ok? (I’d almost fallen asleep) .. Me: yes just hurry up

TheVanguardSix · 28/08/2021 00:54

"What is the binary of 13?"

He then wanted to give me a geography quiz. It was like taking liquid nitrogen to my sex drive.
He was a nursery teacher- a professor of puppets. And yet, for some reason, with his dick out and his pants 'round his ankles, he felt like Einstein. More like Baby Einstein.
No offense to nursery teachers... just this tool.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 28/08/2021 00:56

"Don't crowd me"

Mother87 · 28/08/2021 00:56

"Women don't need orgasms". Reader I married him. We have issues. Still love him thoughGrin

CanadianJohn · 28/08/2021 01:14

"Are you a homosexual?"

Clearly, it wasn't the best sex that she (or I) ever had.

Garriet · 28/08/2021 01:14

@JurassicPark101

I had absolutely amazing sex after which my partner said “classic intercourse” and offered me a bag of Wotsits. We’re still together ❤️
I would actually love this both for the Alan Partridge reference and for the provision of cheesy snacks.
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 28/08/2021 01:16

Not relevant but dp came home rather drunk and very frisky a few weeks ago. I just laughed because I knew he wouldnt rise to the occasion so to speak...... After a few minutes he looked up at me, so, so sad and stark bollock naked then looked down at his flacid knob and with a trembly voice said ' oh, it's not working' looking every bit the rejected puppy.

I of course did the kind thing and laughed so hard I'm surprised I didnt die. In fact I still bring it up at least once a day and probably will for the rest of my life. 😂😂😂

Redjumper1 · 28/08/2021 01:16

"good girl"

Cocopogo · 28/08/2021 01:26

DP often says “jobs done you can go home now”. And I hate it. We’ve been together over two years and only spent the night together a handful of times. We usually have sex then he expects me to leave or if at mine he leaves almost immediately after.

Mamanyt · 28/08/2021 01:49

Him: "Do you even like sex?"
Me: "Well, I used to!"

WolfFleeceSpotter · 28/08/2021 01:53

“Chocolate finger?” - he said, with absolutely no sense of double entendre, as he produced a box of the Cadbury’s biscuits from his bedside table. Grin

Bawse · 28/08/2021 01:54

@Samcro7

I was wearing a blue top and socks.... He said I looked like Donald Duck... We've now been together 8 years 😂
😂😂😂
Bawse · 28/08/2021 01:54

@WolfFleeceSpotter

“Chocolate finger?” - he said, with absolutely no sense of double entendre, as he produced a box of the Cadbury’s biscuits from his bedside table. Grin
Amazing Grin
StealthRoast · 28/08/2021 01:57

My EX said to me after our first time having sex that I was the biggest woman he had slept with and felt quite “high up” Grin from me the cheeky bugger.

What pissed me off more was when I spilt some water once on the sheets and he asked me if I had squirted Shock as he was so full of himself but failed to make me come even once in the few months we were together.

me4real · 28/08/2021 02:29

'Get yourself checked out at the GUM clinic.' He was only my second partner. I was shocked at the bluntness of it- this was in 1996, so long before many people had regular tests. He shagged me behind his girlfriend's back. We were into spirituality etc so he led me through a meditation. 'Imagine you are a beautiful flower. Suddenly an ice cold wind blows through you.' It was to wake me up and get me out of the house lol.