Weirdest thing someone's said to you just after sex...?

[Alcemeg]

Out of sympathy for the traumatised @Sanddown, I thought I'd share the weirdest thing someone said to me after sex.

After my divorce, I was seduced by a gorgeous guy. It was just like that Brad Pitt scene in Thelma and Louise.

When I woke the next morning, I heard him say, "You're SO beautiful," and I opened my eyes in surprise... to see him -- LOOKING IN THE MIRROR 🤨

It turned out to be a bit of a clue as to how the next 6 years would go, but at the time I was grateful anyway 😋

I'm still laughing at the Stevie wonder comment

'Oh sorry I forgot, some girls like a cuddle after wards don't they? Are you one of those? Or are you good to go?'
This was the first and only time I slept with him 🥴

"I love you Lauren" My name isn't Lauren, his ex wife's name was.

@Anniecott. Ouch!! That is bloody horrible-

@Alcemeg @wizzywig

We'd been dating exclusively for about 3 months, and it was AF time. She was "just" joking. She was dumped shortly after.

@MrsMaizel. It actually took me a moment or two to register what he said and I just said ‘thanks’ — I often wonder if there’s some poor woman reading this thread thinking my husband/ex said that to
Me too!! He turned out to be mega odd, hated mess, only wanted to live on take aways

Do you like my bendy Willy

@FrankGrillosFloof he wasn't called Richard was he? Because if he was, we might have a 'friend' in common...

@Samcro7

I was wearing a blue top and socks.... He said I looked like Donald Duck... We've now been together 8 years 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@wendywoopywoo222

When you come you look like Stevie Wonder.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I once had incredibly awkward sex with a man who was very shy and self conscious. It was all under the covers, he couldn’t bring himself to actually touch me, a couple of minutes missionary and he was done. He rolls over and says “wow, we have such sexual chemistry. I have never had such intense sex with anyone before, ever.”

^^was it Simon from the inbetweeners

“ I had absolutely amazing sex after which my partner said “classic intercourse” and offered me a bag of Wotsits. We’re still together ❤️”

@JurassicPark101 love this one. Also kicking myself that at the age of 34 I have never thought of wotsits as a post-shag snack. Feel I’ve missed out 😂

I had a lovely FWB who could destroy a ‘moment’ with a remark about the weather/having a cup of tea etc. I got used to it.
This was to remind you that, even though you'd shared bodily fluids and investigated each other's nooks and crannies, what just happened was purely to scratch an itch and meant nothing at all, no siree!

Haha I shared this one on another thread and my poor DP got flamed . So the first time we slept together we are having a cuddle afterwards and he said " how many of the kids did you have a caesarean with ?" "Non I said" Theres no way 4 kids came from there he said then proceeded to check my bits out in very close range. Tbf I did find it hilarious at the randomness and he has been nothing but a gent since and that was 3 years ago lol x

‘If I’d have known you’d kept your pop socks on id have enjoyed it even more’

They were trainer socks, but the comment made my skin crawl and I couldn’t get dressed fast enough.

We had drunk sex one night, then the next morning we did it again. After I put his T-shirt on and my Lacy pants because we were about to go down and make breakfast and he said “oh I’ve three text messages from my mum telling us to keep it down”

I didn’t know he lived with her and the poor woman had listened to us having sex for about 4 hours - lasted a while on the night when drunk! I suddenly changed my mind about staying for breakfast, and just going down in see through pants.

Lovely banging hot sex in a steamy shower.... he's moaning oh yes type stuff...
He moans more, shouts oh yes, shouts OH FUCK and I kid you not, he comes and faints. In the shower. Out cold. All tangled up and twisted limbs.

I turn the shower off calling his name, get towels, cover him, a pillow, wonder what the fuck I'm going to do (too heavy to lift or move, deciding what to do, consider the embarrassment of calling my brother.....

He wakes up on the shower floor now half hanging out the shower door and says

Did I have an orgasm ?

We were dating for a while, and after sex he said 'Can I ask you a question?' I was expecting something possibly romantic.. but he proceeded with an accountancy question

Brilliant thread

I need to shag funnier people

“How many times did you come” unironically 😶

(The answer was 0)

You are not the best girl I have ever slept with but not bad !

Oh poppydoppy I've had that! After literally 180 seconds of oral

It's tongue in cheek but dh sometimes says "good girl" or "thank you" after sex to wind me up

In a dark and breathy tone 'Ok now get in the cupboard' - it was a half arsed and not previously discussed attempt at domination. He was put out when I laughed and said 'fuck off... you get in the cupboard mate'

Not post-coital but coital. One of my friends from uni (who is female - relevant) was having sex with a guy she liked.

As he came he shouted 'woooahhhhhhhhhhhh Marvin!'

And she couldn't really get over that.