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Original poster

Weirdest thing someone's said to you just after sex...?

180 replies

Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 15:54

Out of sympathy for the traumatised @Sanddown, I thought I'd share the weirdest thing someone said to me after sex.

After my divorce, I was seduced by a gorgeous guy. It was just like that Brad Pitt scene in Thelma and Louise.

When I woke the next morning, I heard him say, "You're SO beautiful," and I opened my eyes in surprise... to see him -- LOOKING IN THE MIRROR 🤨

It turned out to be a bit of a clue as to how the next 6 years would go, but at the time I was grateful anyway 😋

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 28/08/2021 03:02

Had a fwb much younger than me, shortly before I met my now exh. Fwb was a lovely guy, but he knew how pretty he was. The first time we had sex, immediately after, he jumped up and without a word went and had a shower. 5 minutes later he strolls back into the bedroom and says 'wow my hair looks so good when it's wet.' Cringe. Fancied himself more than I did 😂

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/08/2021 03:56

Sighed, said 'tremendous' and then passed out asleep.

I'll preface these next ones with this - I had a LOT of FWB and poly relationships when younger... I've had a lot of sex, a lot of it bad sex, a lot of it ill-advised. I am wiser (ish) now!

'That is the best blowjob I've had'... from a gay man.

'Can you do that to my girlfriend please'...

'Well that was very nice... '...

'Now we've all shagged x's bride!' (Said with great glee, just after a friends wedding).

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/08/2021 03:59

But none of mine compare to my friend who staggered back to a lads flat after a club night...

After the deed he apparently jumped out of bed and RAN out the room to drag his flat mates in and show them HE'D PULLED A REAL GIRL...

New student, first week in halls. To this day I don't know why she told us this!

MrsJackWhicher · 28/08/2021 04:09

@Billandben444

I had a FWB for a couple of years and immediately after sex he'd say something really mundane (so I didn't get lovey-dovey praps - no chance!). He'd lie there, still sweaty and breathless and say 'That wardrobe door doesn't hang straight' or 'Is your MOT due soon as you ought to book it in' and once even said 'It feels like winter's on its way, it sure does'.
This has made me laugh out loud MOT!!!!!!Grin Got the popcorn - this thread is gonna be a classic -thanks OP!!!!!!!
MrsJackWhicher · 28/08/2021 04:27

but he proceeded with an accountancy question
I am howling here Grin

MrsJackWhicher · 28/08/2021 04:34

I of course did the kind thing and laughed so hard I'm surprised I didnt dieGrin

MrsJackWhicher · 28/08/2021 04:58

Some of these are very endearing - men are simple creatures and I actually like the way they are do practical. I am seeing someone currently who says things like this and it does make me laugh. Can’t think of an example as good as these though!

StarlightLady · 28/08/2021 05:01

“Do you always go for younger men?” 😘

Rachelthegreat · 28/08/2021 05:38

I used to work as an escort.

On several occasions guys have cum, then said you wouldn’t believe how much you look like my sister/ex/cousin and on 2 occasions daughter!

Lightlady · 28/08/2021 06:04

@MrsJackWhicher

Some of these are very endearing - men are simple creatures and I actually like the way they are do practical. I am seeing someone currently who says things like this and it does make me laugh. Can’t think of an example as good as these though!
Can’t say I find them endearing Hilarious maybe , Revolting definitely for some - especially where @Rachelthegreat says that as an escort clients would tell her after that they looked so much like their sister or daughter - threw up a little at that point ) wtf are these dude doing and thinking about their sisters and daughters ?
Rachelthegreat · 28/08/2021 06:10

I’m certainly not saying I like that, but is a common fantasy.

You’d be amazed what I used to get told, escorts are just fantasy’s for most men, You become pretty immune to a lot of things they say

Lightlady · 28/08/2021 06:18

@Rachelthegreat

I’m certainly not saying I like that, but is a common fantasy.

You’d be amazed what I used to get told, escorts are just fantasy’s for most men, You become pretty immune to a lot of things they say

Oh yes totally get and I wasn’t implying anything negative about you at all , sorry if it came across like that I worked ina very adult industry myself and have never been able to come to terms with men having sexual thoughts about their kids regardless of that is over 18 , the whole thing about fantasising about their sisters and daughters is pretty gross
marmaladehound · 28/08/2021 06:29

@Cocopogo

DP often says “jobs done you can go home now”. And I hate it. We’ve been together over two years and only spent the night together a handful of times. We usually have sex then he expects me to leave or if at mine he leaves almost immediately after.
Why are you still with him? Doesn't sound very respectful at all.
Jellybum2019 · 28/08/2021 06:36

Someone who I was fwb with asked me to get of the bed a few minutes after doing the deed, then got the hoover and hoovered the sheets, duvet and pillows and told me it was so his Nan didn’t know we had been in her bed 🤢

HarryHedgehog · 28/08/2021 09:09

Lying in bed after sex he said to me “you smell of sex”

FuckingFabulous · 28/08/2021 12:22

@Poppydoppy18

“How many times did you come” unironically 😶

(The answer was 0)

Oh, I've had that.

In fact, I once shifted a bit to stop a guy scratching me as he rummaged about like he was trying to find something and he smiled with his eyes half closed and said "now that you've had yours, it's my turn to cum!"

No the fuck I did not have mine.

SecondCityShark · 28/08/2021 13:43

In fact, I once shifted a bit to stop a guy scratching me as he rummaged about like he was trying to find something and he smiled with his eyes half closed and said "now that you've had yours, it's my turn to cum!"

That makes me irrationally angry on your behalf.

Foxmylife · 28/08/2021 13:54

@Cocopogo

DP often says “jobs done you can go home now”. And I hate it. We’ve been together over two years and only spent the night together a handful of times. We usually have sex then he expects me to leave or if at mine he leaves almost immediately after.
Why are you with him?Confused
Foxmylife · 28/08/2021 13:59

You’d look really sexy pregnant, I was 19Hmm

loafcake · 28/08/2021 14:01

@Foxmylife

You’d look really sexy pregnant, I was 19Hmm
Wow. Red flag!!!!
loafcake · 28/08/2021 14:03

@Rachelthegreat

I used to work as an escort.

On several occasions guys have cum, then said you wouldn’t believe how much you look like my sister/ex/cousin and on 2 occasions daughter!

Oh good good that is weird! Do these men not hear themselves 😳
Foxmylife · 28/08/2021 14:03

Loafcake

Im still confused as to why he said it 20 years laterConfused

IcedIvy · 28/08/2021 14:18

@Mydogisagentleman

Oooh, that’s better
Oh I've had sex with him too 😂
Crinkle77 · 28/08/2021 14:21

Someone once to me 'you were better than I thought you'd be'. 🙄

IcedIvy · 28/08/2021 14:27

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe

Not relevant but dp came home rather drunk and very frisky a few weeks ago. I just laughed because I knew he wouldnt rise to the occasion so to speak...... After a few minutes he looked up at me, so, so sad and stark bollock naked then looked down at his flacid knob and with a trembly voice said ' oh, it's not working' looking every bit the rejected puppy.

I of course did the kind thing and laughed so hard I'm surprised I didnt die. In fact I still bring it up at least once a day and probably will for the rest of my life. 😂😂😂

I am laughing so hard at this 🤣